WHAT A PARTY REALLY NEEDS ( Space and Recycling). 

I attended my first house party last August and had my first drink when
I was 22 and half. To make up for it, I’ve been doing to a lot of
parties lately. So over the next few notes, I want to share with
everyone the things I learned from them and what I think makes a good
party, starting with space and recycling.

RECYCLING

THE FIRST thing I notice at parties is how people are always drinking
and going to the bathroom and drinking and going to the bathroom and
drinking and going to the bathroom and so forth. This one time I was in
the middle of discussing genetics with an 8-out-of-10 Taiwanese girl
who was a biology major when she stood up and terminated our
conversation because she had to urinate. I wonder why people don’t just
stick a plastic tube up their urethra or on their penises and connect
it to their esophagus before they come to a party so they can just keep
recycling their drinks and not have to worry about running to the
restroom and interrupting good a conversation, or not having enough
drink to get intoxicated.

Parties are expensive. People are always using up new stuff and leaving
a lot of wastes and trash behind. On a Friday night where dozens of
parties are going on at College Park all night long can really emit a
lot of pollution and disorder to the universe. We’ve got to be more
organized, or else there wouldn’t be parties left for our
grandchildren. People, especially those of you that like to host
parties every weekend should really start thinking about recycling and
putting used items in boxes so people can use them again at the next
party. In a way, people are already recycling. They recycled themselves
by coming to the same house week after week, dancing to the same music,
talking to the same people, and having the same drinks, but to be more
economic, people need to start recycling more efficiently. You should
always aim at recycling the entire party, but if you can’t do that then
you can start out by recycling :

Beer cans.
Used plastic cups.
Used cigarettes
Used condoms
Used panties.
Used space.
Used brown paper bags.
Used paper towels.
Your virginity.
Old chicken wings.
Old pizza crusts.
A good blow job.
and left over ketchups.

SPACE

A house party is a great place for people watching.
One thing I really like to do at parties is watch how people occupy,
take over and command their space because different people have
different ways to go about it. A good party hardly has an unused space.
A wasted space is any given space that hasn’t been occupied or filled
up.

Everyone is entitled to his or her own personal space. Some people
really know how to take a public space and convert it into a personal
space. Once a party gets rolling, and people start opening up, the
radius of their personal space usually start to decrease.

People are always trying to compete, share, command, or even steal
space, but the total amount of occupied space in a given party tend to
stay constant.

Fat people naturally take up a good amount of space, but at the mean
time, they usually tend to be shy and self-conscious, so they don’t
even want to take up more space than they already do. Meanwhile, It
doesn’t take long for a small person who is good looking and has a lot
of energy and charisma to fill up a good amount of space. A drunken
person usually tries to fill up more space than he can command and they
always end up taking over people’s personal space by making it theirs.
Group of friends that stand around and drink can really give off a lot
of energy, and it’s hard for shy people like myself to occupy, or even
share a space when it’s been collectively expended.

Good, loud music fills up space very efficiently.
A very beautiful person could take up just as much space as a very unattractive person.
A loud person could take up just as little space as a quiet person.
Some people like to create new space through out the night.
Some people use old space they’ve already created.
Some people fill up space with perfumes.
Some people fill up space with body odors.
Some people fill up space with words.
Some people fill up space by good looks.
Some people fill up space by silence.

American parties are the best in the world because you can go to one
and just sit, stand around, or dance in somebody else’s space and
pretend you are a part of it.

You can even walk into a party uninvited without knowing any body
there and still fit right in because nobody would say anything, since
everyone else would just assume that somebody else brought you here and
so on

My ideal party would be one, big wasted space.

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