I’m always a step behind. In 7th grade everyone else already had pubic
hair, and I didn’t grow mine until high school. Everybody was dating
girls in high school, and I didn’t go on my first real date until
college. Everybody was drinking and going to parties in college, and I
didn’t’ have my first drink or went to a party until I was 22. Some of
my friends are getting engaged or married, and I still don’t have a
steady girlfriend. I wonder if this means that everyone I know is going
to be dead while I’m still alive, and by the time I die, everyone else
is already reincarnated. Maybe that’s the problem. I was reincarnated
later than everybody else.
I met a girl over the telephone when I was 20 years old. She really
brought me out of the dark about everything. We talked on the phone for
3 hours every night for 3 months before I met her in person. She had a
way of getting things to go her way by not caring about anything. I was
so thrilled to care about her when I was with her because she really
gave me the impression that she didn’t care about anything. So, I
listened to her when she told me that she didn’t care that I go out and
find some other girls to care about as long as I stop caring about her.
THE IDEAL CLUB
I don’t enjoy going to a nightclub because I can’t really dance, and
the music is too loud and it’s hard to establish connections with
people through the frequencies. Besides, the lights are low and shadows
are bleak. I hate getting tricked by low light and bleak shadows.
My ideal club has farm animals like cows and sheep on the dance floor.
It would be great for people like me who couldn’t dance with people to
just dance with animals. Plus, you could always find a cow, milk it,
and pour fresh milk into a shot glass when a girl asks you for a drink.
My second ideal club is a big, empty space. Everyone would come in with
his own ipods headphones, and 3D goggles and dance to his own music
under their own light. This way nobody would complain about the
atmosphere or music or blame the DJ when they can’t get a dance on.
My third idea club is a club full of nude people that dance with their
clothes in their hands. I think that’s what’s going to happen in the
future anyway. People everywhere would be walking around naked while
holding their clothes in their hands because the temperature would be
too warm and the clothes would be too good to for them to wear.
My favorite kind of dance is a very efficient one that doesn’t require
a lot of space and energy and is motionless. You stand still and face
each other with arms to your side and roll your eyeballs to the music.
That’s the Frank Yang Metaphysical Dance.
I like big talks. Big talks are easy; it’s the small talks that are
hard. But without a small talk there wouldn’t be a big talk.
“WHAT’S YOUR NAME?”
“WHAT SCHOOL DO YOU GO TO?”
“WHAT DO YOU STUDY AT SCHOOL?”
“WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?”
“DO YOU EAT WHITE BREAD OR WHEAT BREAD?”
“WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE TOPIC OF CONVERSATION?”
“HOW MANY OTHER CONVERSATIONS DO YOU THINK ARE GOING ON IN THIS ROOM RIGHT NOW?”
Meeting new people is a lot of work. The older you get, the more work
it is because the more stories you have to tell to the new person who
missed out on everything that’s ever happened in your life. Can you
imagine how easy it is for new born infants to get to know each other?
“HEY…UH…. SO…WHAT TIME WERE YOU BORN?”
When you meet a new person you always have to start from scratch and
tell the same stories that you’ve already told over and over again to
hundreds of other people in you’ve already met in your life. You’ve got
to keep doing it, again and again until you finally find who somebody
who gets you.
In the car ride coming home from a party, I always think about the people that I used to know whom I don’t talk to anymore.
I think in little boxes. A thought is a box is a space. When I meet
people I put them in small mental boxes and give each box a name and
treat everybody in the same box the same way. People tend to look and
smell and sound the same at a party. So I end up putting everybody I
meet in the same box. By the time I get home the next morning and open
up my box….well it’s usually empty. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard for
me to remember people I meet at parties.
You give up an electron here, and gaining an electron there, but your
goal is to find somebody who you can pair up and bond with.
it’s frightening when I think about all the secretions and the
different types of chemical reactions that take place through out a
party. Sometimes I think it’s amazing how a party holds itself together
without blowing itself up. A lot of people come to parties because they
are sad and have problems in their lives or are on a break with their
girlfriends and are just looking for revenge fucks. Emo people should
just stay home or give up their electrons because nobody likes to be
around a negative person…they totally ruin the atmosphere.
A good party is alive. When a party is breathing, you feel like an
extension or a body part or a tiny cell of a larger organism and
everybody is doing something to keep it alive.
I don’t mind a dead party as long as it has:
One back door.
One roll of paper towel.