Generating repetitive patterns is a universal and fundamental feature of life. Human beings, animals, and everything else in the universe seem to work most efficiently in patterns of repetition. Anticipitation and prediction are useful for survival.

Repetative patterns can be observed in almost everything from microscopic repetitions such as cell divisions and cycles of meiosis and mitosis to subconscious automatic patterns like breathing and heartbeat, to less automatic, more conscious patterns like the locomotion of walking, running, swimming, paddling, chewing. The repetitive motions and movements of sexual activities such as intercourse, fellatio, fingering, and masturbation all come into mind. Even orgasmic contractions and ejaculation come in repetitive waves.

Situations and events we experience in everyday life are also unavoidably repetitive. The circadian cycle of day and night, brushing your teeth, eating breakfast, lunch, dinner, breakfast, lunch, dinner, and then shitting it out, giving it back to the enviornment, and taking it back in. Going to work or school monday through fridays, church every Sunday. Going to the gym, pumping weights in repetitions. Clocks go around and around. People are born, People die. Day in and day out. Week in and week out. Month after month. Year after year. Decades after decades. Centuries after centuries.

Even dating is repetitive. New girlfriend, similar routine, similar style of seduction: Meeting her as a stranger, becoming acquaintances, becoming friends, going on dates, going out officially, making out, having sex, break up, becoming friends again, acquaintances, back to strangers again, and repeat this with another person.

The cosmos work pretty much the same way. The stars in the Solar system revolve repetitively again and again around the sun, old stars collapse, supernova takes place, causing new stars too form, then they collapse again, and repeat.

Who knows, maybe the universe recycles itself in repetitions as well. Starting out with a singularity, the big bang bangs, formation of planets and stars, and eventually the earth comes into existence, Single celled organisms. Fish, Feptiles. Mammals. Humans, and so on. Eventually, the universe reverses itself and recollapse into a big crunch and ends in another black hole singularity until it bangs again and again and life as we know it evolves once and again.

Maybe billions and billions of years later I would be writing this note again, and you would be here reading it too.


RUBY : I want to take your heart, and sew it onto mine, so they can beat together, side by side, and I can take you with me when I die.
FRANK: Uh…No thanks.

This note was originally going to be “I don’t know anything about death, it hasn’t happened to me yet”, but I figured I’ll just go ahead and talk about something that I don’t know anything about. That’s what I do anyway. Talk about things that I don’t know anything about.

I used to think about death all the time when I was 19, 20 years old. I would be stuck in traffic for hours while driving back from Pasadena to Santa Monica and just dream up really creative ways to kill myself. Or I would be driving down the 405 highway and just close my eyes for a good 10 seconds hoping that I would swirl out of my lane.

I don’t really get too sad when people die. I remember when my Grandma died when I was 15. I didn’t really grief that much and I felt really bad about it, so I would try to make myself cry just to feel better about the whole thing.

People are really sensitive about death. When we write sympathy cards, we always leave out the word “death” or “dead” completely and substitute it with less harsh words like “loss” or “passed away” or “time of sorrow” etc. Instead of “bodies” or “corpses”, we say “remains”, or “deceased”. And when somebody is dead, he automatically gets respect even if they didn’t really do anything great in his life, and saying bad things about a dead person is almost never permitted.

There is one thing you can be certain of: One day you are going to die.

Everyone knows he is going to die at some point, the question is how and when, and it’s frightening because we don’t know anything about it except for the fact that it’s going to happen.

Deep down inside, we don’t really believe in death. 95 percent of American people believe they will survive their own death. Especially younger generations. We think we are immortal, and that death is so far away that it’s never going to get to us.

Young people think death is something that old people in nursing homes and death beds should worry about. But if you look at it from a different perspective, aren’t young people more prone to death than old folks?

I mean if you are young, there are many more ways for which you could die compared to an old person. You could die naturally or of old age, you could die of diseases, you could die of suicide, you could die in a murder, or you could die in an accident (You see, old people wouldn’t have to worry about all these because they don’t drink and drive, don’t play football or shoot paint balls at each other, they don’t attempt to jay walk or cross the streets with headphones, don’t get depressed over girlfriends or colleges, they don’t throw shit at themselves, or jump out of your bedroom window to impress your friends). Old people only have to worry about dying naturally. Even if they die of sickness, it’s less of a shock and it’s much easier for them to accept the fact.

In a way, a 85 year old man sitting in a nursing home is a lot more safe, and more immortal than a 16 year old drunk driving teenager. A 95 year old man has survived his death more times than somebody who is a lot younger than him. That’s why not too many of us can make it into old age. You’ve got to survive your own death day in and day out in order to be old.

Just think of a candle. There are 2 ways for which the flame could go out. You can blow it out by accident or by intention, or you can let it burn out naturally. A candle can only burn itself out naturally if it’s lucky enough to survive the blows.

People always say that they believe that they are going to die, but at a deeper level, nobody really believes in death.

There are many instances where we say we believe in one thing, but on a fundamental level, we don’t really believe what we say we believe. I used to have OCD, and I check to see if I lock my doors 20 times a day. When people asked me if my doors were locked, I would tell them that it was, but 2 minutes later, I would go back and check on my door again and make sure that it is really locked.

Most people sugar coat death, and refuse to look at the truth of it because they think it’s a bad thing. They are afraid of death and believe that it’s a terrible thing.

We believe that death is bad, so we believe that we have a soul and that there is something called a afterlife. We dream up religions, so that death of the body wouldn’t have to be the end.

But I don’t think religions do a good job of comforting the dying. I think people who are religions, people who live and pray for the afterlife have more to lose, and are more scared of death than the people who don’t. It’s ironic but, isn’t it true that a lot of people turn to religion precisely because they are scared of death, so they read religions literatures and believe in the afterlife, so they when they die, it wouldn’t have to be the end? But aren’t these the same people who claim that death isn’t bad at all and that there is nothing to fear?

If you believe in the soul and believe in the after life, you probably have to worry a hell lot more about death than the people who don’t believe in it (non puns). You’d have to worry about the afterlife. If you’re Catholic, you’d have to worry about purgatory, whether your soul will end up in hell or heaven, and if you believe in Hinduism, you’d have to worry about what you would become after you are reincarnated.

“Oh man, am I going to end up being a 1 legged prostitute, or a lab rat?”

I wonder if Christians who preach day in and day out about the suffers of life, and how life in this world is nothing but a transitional period for heaven truly believes what they claim to believe, that the afterlife is the solution to their problems. I mean if you really, really hold that idea dearly and believe it sincerely with all your heart like you say you do in your prayers, shouldn’t death be the best thing that could ever happened to you? Shouldn’t there be ceremonies at churches whenever somebody is going to die?

I remember when I went to church a couple of years ago. There was a pastor who was diagnosed with cancer. Everyone at church made a really big deal about it. I mean, shouldn’t they all be singing Hallelujah? Instead of treating it as if it was bad news, shouldn’t they be like the Abbot of Ampleforth and say “Oh, brilliant news pastor Hong! congratulations , I wish I was coming with you”.

But they didn’t say that. They weren’t happy for him. In fact, everybody at church was donating money for medication so he could live longer and delaying his journey to heaven.

Maybe deep down inside, these people don’t really believe what they say they believe in, so they convince other people to conform to a belief that they don’t really believe in order to convince themselves and justify those beliefs. Some people choose not to see the truth. They can’t stand the suffering of life and are scared shitless of death, so they turn to religion, and use it as a shield, or make a life long commitment to some kind of gigantic self-deceptive defense mechanism.

But what makes death so bad anyway? if you don’t believe in the soul and the afterlife, and you believe that the death of the body is the end of your existence, then how could death be bad for you? How can something be bad for you if you don’t exist?

You could say that death is bad because:

It makes people who cares about us suffer.
The process of dying is bad.
It deprives of the good things that could have happened in life.