The Best Christmas Gift Ever.

I didn’t receive a single Christmas gift this year. Ruby said she had bought me a gift, but she still hasn’t given it to me yet.

But then I figured it out. There was no gift.

At least not a tangible, physical one. The gift she bought me was the constant state of mind or the idea of looking forward to and fantasizing and thinking about unwrapping an awesome gift that doesn’t exist. It has been a great gift so far because I am still anxiously waiting for that gift of lack-of-gift to come. And as long as I never receive this gift, I will always have this gift.

The way I see it, intangible gifts are far more superior and sustainable and personal and lively than anything physical. First of all, you won’t need to wait in line at the mall or waste gift wrappers. Secondly, they don’t take up space because they are weightless, colorless, odorless, and tasteless. Nevertheless, they are as potent a cause of action as video games, Ipods, and underwear.

The best gift is Fear. That way people won’t ever ask you for another gift.