I’ve always said that I wanted to die when I’m 30 years old, when my body and strength are at their relative peaks so that any chances of weakening and atrophy would be avoided. I wanted to leave the world when I’m at my strongest. Those who die young are robbed of life but also avoid the entropic nature of deformation, decay, and aging. They are forever frozen in their beauty and youth, and that they are always at an apex in people’s minds. Some of the greatest human beings died or stepped off the stage at their peaks, and are forever remembered as the greatest. It was why Michael Jordan chose to retire during his prime (his first retirement, anyway), and why the death of Heath Ledger and James Dean were so beautiful and in a way, perfectly timed.

If I ever find the perfect mate/love, I won’t let that love deform and fade, and I won’t let her age and decay. I will kill her at her apex – when my love for her is at its greatest and when she is at the pinnacle of her beauty. I will make sure that she dies at her absolute best under the most exquisite and glamorous conditions. I will pick the brightest and the most beautiful day, hire the best cinematographer, best makeup and wardrobe artists from Hollywood in order to place her under the best lighting, dress her up with the most stylish wardrobe, and put on her the most alluring makeup. Then I will have sex with her on the most expensive bed I could afford and shoot her up while she is having the best orgasm of her life. And then I will stuff and preserve her corpse so that she is forever frozen in the expression of sexual ecstasy, allurement, and youth like Bernini’s statue of the “Ecstasy of Beata Ludovica” and mount her to the top of my roof.

Because I know, a dead love never dies.

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ernini’s statue of the “Ecstasy of Beata Ludovica”

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