I saw Albert Einstein at Toys R Us. We started feeling each other up and we both got hard. Then he took off his pants and saw his penis, which is the exactly duplicate of my own.
I started making out with him, but then I realized that his face was made out of plastic, so i said to him “Mr Einstein, why are you wearing a mask upon kissing me?” And ripped off his mask. Underneath was an older and wiser version of the same man, except his face is made up of real skin and flesh. Then we got on a waterbed and cuddled, and began a long and passionate discussion about suicide…
We both agreed that there is but one truly serious philosophical problem and that is suicide, and that ultimately, there are really only 2 possible questions in life :
Should I continue to live?
Or should I kill myself?
Most of us continue living because we have not reached a definite answer to this question.
If we judge the importance of a philosophical problem by the consequences that suicide entails, the problem of meaning of life is certainly the most important. There are always moments in our lives where we feel that ultimately, life has no purpose. Despite the efforts of humanity to find meaning in the universe, a lot of us find life to be “absurd” because the search for meaning ultimately fails and that no such meaning exists outside of our subjective meaning-making schemas.
Someone who feels the “absurdity” of life and conclude that life has no intrinsic meaning, and therefore, not worth living may want to commit suicide. But there are always contradictions between people’s action and their judgements. People who commit suicide may do so with the belief that life does have meaning, and those who continue to live may nevertheless conclude that life has no meaning.
With all it’s complications, I think there should be a course, or even a degree on suicide in every school. It will be called “Suicide and Its Discontent”. Students are to learn various ways of how people kill themselves in different cultures through out history, the complex philosophical implications of suicide, and to choose between life and death. Then they will come up with creative techniques and ideas for attempting suicide based on their own needs, desires, reasons, and ideologies. There is a presentation/exam at the end of the semester, in which the students “present” their projects by attempting suicide techniques of their own choices in front of the whole class. Those who do not have the balls to attempt suicide will automatically fail the course, be booed off the stage, and be forced to try it again the next year. Those who attempts, but do not succeed will receive a grade based on the degrees of injuries; the closer to death you are, the better grade you will receive. But only those who succeed in killing themselves with the most imaginative techniques can pass the course with an A. Graduation and funeral could then be combined into one single event, where the deceased will be honored with a degree in Suicide, for arriving at themselves in a free chosen death.