I was dancing with this girl at the club when this black guy came over in between us and literally cock blocked me. He unzipped his pants and pulled out his dick. It started having an extreme erection, and it got so hard and big that it eventually transformed itself into a brick wall. Despaired, I banged my head hopelessly against the wall until it was dripping blood and then took the taxi home.

Cartoon Characters and Actors.

Whenever I watch cartoon or anime I think of them as really bad actors because they always seem to overact.  But you could also say that cartoon characters never have to act because they are DESIGNED and CREATED to “play” the parts they are supposed to play.  Every action or dialogue that are carried out and spoken by cartoon or anime characters is not performed or acted out, but simply presented as their natural essences. 

Human actors made up of flesh and blood have to play a part when they are acting. They have to enter into the mind of another person and think and act as that person when they are on screen.  But cartoon characters don’t have to do this because they simply ARE the roles that they play.  There are no other minds to enter into to pretend you are someone else because you ARE that person and is already created with that particular mind as part of your essential and innate character.  In other words, cartoon characters don’t act, they simply ARE, and that you can’t say a cartoon character is a bad actor.  You can only say that he has a bad character or personality. Cartoon characters are stuck with the personality and characters that are designed for them, kind of like how we are stuck with certain innate traits and characteristics that were results of our genes.  And because they are not actors, cartoon characters can never play any other roles, or “be themselves” when they are not on screen because they are one dimensional.  Cinderella will always be herself, and the body and face that are attached to her can never be re-attached to another person, say Sleeping Beauty (although all Disney and anime characters look somewhat similar).  

But what if cartoon characters are like real actors?  I always imagine that they are, and that they have lives other than the ones that are designed for them?.  When I watch cartoons I always think of the way the characters behave off screen when they are not acting: what their private lives are like, what they eat, what work out routines they follow, how they do their hair, and what other cartoon actors they are dating.  You know how Britney Spears acted as an innocent school girl in her movie, but in reality she is actually a psychotic slut? Well when I watch Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty I always imagine them taking off the innocent masks they wear on screen.  They would smoke pot, get drunk, have unprotected sex, get pregnant and have abortions.  And whenever I watch Tarzan I would imagine him doing squats and lifting weights and run sprints and eat 10 eggs every morning to get in shape for his character.  

If indeed cartoon characters are actors (cartoon actors), they would have to rehearse their lines, get into characters, get yelled at by the directors, put on makeup, make a lot of money, buy nice houses and nice cars, and then die and decompose.  And if cartoon characters are actors, then the same face or body can have several different minds and play several different roles.  The problem about using real people to perform a role is that sometimes they are too multi-layerd.  When you are really engaged in a film, you would automatically screen and filter out some of these layers and leave only the relevant layer (the character they are currently playing) on your consciousness.  But sometimes the other layers would become temporarily exposed, and you would associate old roles they played with the current role that they are playing. 

For example, whenever I watch a Leonardo Dicaprio movie, even the most sophisticated ones like Shutter Island and Inception, I would always, in the back of my mind, and from time to time, associate the face and body that I am seeing on screen with the teen heart throb character that he played in Titanic. And it’s not just that other characters from other movies “distract” us from the current character we are experiencing, the personality and character of the REAL actor himself can also be associated with.  Sometimes I would watch a movie and sense a real contradiction between the role that an actor is playing and how he or she is like in real life.  When this happens, a strange dissonance would be created, with a break from the symbolic to the real, and my disbeliefs would become temporarily unsuspended. (This happens a lot whenever I see a movie with Lindsey Lohan in it).  But this dissonance is virtually impossible when you watch a cartoon due to the one-dimensionality of the characters.  Like I mentioned earlier, it’s hard for you to associate a cartoon character with another character because they can’t play any other roles!  But if cartoon characters are actors then these acts of association would take place. For instance, if the same actor played Cinderella also played Little Mermaid, then you might think of Cinderella when you watch Little Mermaid, and vice versa.  

I think it would be a good idea for Disney or Pixar to make a movie about the off screen lives of their cartoon actors.  There could be cartoon versions of Grammies and Oscars, and a cartoon version of entertainment news with cartoon interviews.  There would be gossips about which cartoon actor is sleeping with who, and ugly photographs with cartoon actors covered in acne would be printed out in the cartoon versions of US magazine.   

I woke up one morning and saw a fly crawling across my field of vision.  It wasn’t a fly that got in my eyes and one that I could  simply get rid of by rubbing my eyes or blinking.   It wasn’t a fly that was flying in front of my eyes either and one that I could just reach my hands out and snatch it up.  The bugs were embedded internally WITHIN my visual system.  It was kind of  like how somebody records something with a video camera, and then realized afterwards that a bug was crawling across the screen as it became imprinted as part of the film itself.   I shook my head up and down and from side to side in order to shake the bugs off, but was unable to do so.  The next morning when I woke up, there was another bug that was crawling across my visual field. This time it was a cockroach, crawling in all direction at various speeds.  The next day it was a small spider, and then caterpillars and beetles followed.  A week later my field of vision was reduced by one third, as it became occupied with insects of various species, cruising lively across my vision.  I rubbed my eyes until they bled and banged my head against the wall until I made holes in it.  But no matter what I did, the bugs only increased in size and in number.  Two weeks later my vision was reduced by two thirds, with newcomers as big as black widow spiders.   By the third week, there had been tens and thousands of bugs of different species crawling in my field of vision, blocking most of my eyesight, making my life so unbearable that I wanted to kill myself.  Since I couldn’t see much of anything anymore, there was no point to move or do anything productive, so by the end of the month all I did for days was lay on my bed and quietly witnessed the demise of my own vision as the bugs eventually filled up the last portions of my visual field until I became completely blind.  Defeated, I took a knife, gouged out my eyes and tossed them as far as I could out the windows. 

I was putting on my contact lenses this morning, but when I looked down, they were as big as old records! I managed to put them on effortlessly. And when I looked out into the world, all objects were stripped to their skeletons, displaying to me their deepest and barest essences.

Q: Hey Frank, how do I prove my own existence?

A: Commit suicide, it’s the surest way.

On Why I Don’t Trust Mirrors.

I don’t trust mirrors.  When I look myself in the mirror I don’t think I can ever really know what I look like because my reflection is always filtered both physically and psychologically.  One reason is due to lighting.  Interior designers always create good lightings above and around mirrors in order to make us look more beautiful.  This is especially true in fitting rooms in clothing shops.  I love checking myself out in fitting rooms because the lighting designs around their mirrors seem to me to be more sophisticated than those of other mirrors, such as mirrors in public bathrooms and our bedrooms.  The reason why fitting rooms always have great lighting is obvious – they want you to look your best while checking yourself out in their mirrors with their clothes on so you are more likely to purchase them.  Indeed, different places have different lighting designs to achieve different moods and purposes. 

This kid asked me why his muscles always look bigger and more toned in the gym.  In the gym, lights are always installed from above, and are usually made up of florescent bulbs because such design create and render more shadows around the connecting and cross sections between two muscle groups, thus making your muscles appear bigger and more defined.  Psychologically speaking, you are more likely to feel bigger (hence look bigger as a result) during a workout because chemicals like adrenaline and testosterone flow intensely throughout your body, which might alter your own judgment towards your own sense of power and manhood.  In expensive restaurants the lightings are usually dim and soft.  This might allow certain ugly folks to hide behind dim lightings and feel more secure during important dates because their unsymmetrical features are less pronounced and are rendered more homogenous by soft lights.  Gyms and restaurants that make people look more attractive are more likely to attract costumers, whether or know they consciously realize this effect.

Another reason why we seem to overrate ourselves while looking at our own reflection is because we deliberately attempt to make ourselves look more attractive in front of mirrors.  We brush and fix our hair to make it look its best and we rotate and adjust our head and facial expressions to find the best looking angle in order to unconsciously and consciously fool and deceive ourselves in regards to our appearances.  When we look at ourselves in front of the mirror, we are always psychologically and physically prepared to do so.  In other words, we are ready to look our best; therefore our reflections come out looking their best.

Lastly, when we look into the mirror, it is impossible to move away from a direct and unmoving gaze because if we look away from this fixated gaze the perception of our reflections would be lost.  This direct and fixated gaze takes away the portion of our appearances that is made up of the play of the eyes.  We look partially different depending on where we are looking and how our eyes are rotating.  When we talk to people, how they move their eyes and where they place their gazes have a big impact on their physical appearances and psychological attitudes.  Hence, when we look directly at ourselves, the play of the eyes that is so crucial in a person’s façade is greatly lost…and with it comes the impossibility of an objective comprehension of somebody’s overall impression. 

To perceive something objectively is to remove our biased subjectivity away from it.  Now the intentionality of consciousness is by its own nature subjective, so a completely removal of subjectivity is ethically and ontologically impossible.  But when we want to comprehend something objectively, we must ATTEMPT to alienate ourselves away from it as much as we can.  But when we see ourselves in the mirror, we are unable take an alienated view on it because this view, by the natural of its fixated and direct gaze, is egoistic both physically and morally.  To stare at oneself is a self referential act that can never be egoless due to the profound feeling and impression of egoism that whispers to oneself: “This is me”.  But an objective judgment, due to its alienated nature, is precisely the opposite of this effect – mainly the recognition of the “not-me”.  But since we can’t help ourselves but telling ourselves that “this is me” when we stare at our own reflection, the “this is not-me” nature of objectivity is automatically prevented and lost.