MEAT I came across a small lump of human muscle the other day on my way back from class; it was probably a portion of the gluteus maximas. But there it was, just sitting in the middle of the street with a few flies buzzing over it. I took it home and placed it in the corner of my bathroom. I don’t know what made me do this initially, but I began ejaculating on it every night when I masturbated in the shower. Little did I know, my haphazard and seemingly arbitrary action became a necessity in the months to come, as my semen quickly nurtured that lump of muscle as it started growing at a rapid rate. Different muscle groups started to develop and form, and they were nice and strong and were ripped to the bones without a single ounce of fat. Although the muscles were mature as a whole (it had all the right parts and muscle groups and was looking very strong in its totality), the way the muscles were arranged and structured was quite messed up. All the muscle groups were in the wrong places. It was as if somebody took Ronnie Coleman, ripped his muscles off of his bones piece by piece and re-configured and rearranged and restructured them in a random fashion. What I could say was that it was a “meathead” to the max. But I dare not to underestimate its intrinsic ability and power, for if it took on a human form with a little bit of motor and cerebral intelligence, it could probably out lift and beat up anybody on the planet. You could say that my muscle lump was the opposite of a disembodied mind – it was disembodied flesh. Just as disembodied spirits need to take on the form of a flesh to be fully realized; this disembodied flesh needed a soul to be installed into its being in order to function…Right now it was merely a lump of potentiality, waiting to be actualized.
One day there was a storm in the area, and I was trapped in my house for days. Since I never watched the news, I did not expect nor did I prepare for the arrival of this small disaster. I ran out of food quickly. However, the thought of taking a bite out of that pile of muscles came to mind and sounded like a pretty delicious idea. I took a knife and cut off a small portion of that muscle lump and stuffed it down my throat. It wasn’t bad at all, as it tasted very much like juicy beef tendons.
Over the next few months I started eating that good old pile of muscles. I didn’t have to eat a lot of it to get full. In fact, I only had to take a few bites out of it each morning in order to function energetically for the rest of the day. Soon afterwards, I stopped spending money on food all together and relied solely on these muscles for nutrients. My body had begun to transform itself as well. I started to lose fat and gained muscle mass at an enormous rate. In just 2 months I gained 30 pounds of pure muscles, grew more confident, and was picking up more girls at the club. I continued to nurture my muscle lump with my semen, and not surprisingly, along with my rapid physical development, my semen increased both in quality and in quantity (and with it, my reproductive success and sexual dominance).
The relationship between me and the muscle lumps was a reciprocal feedback loop, as we both took turns nurturing each other to make each other stronger, bigger, and healthier. It was a mutual dependency that only a strong bonded couple could have felt and shared, and we took advantage of each other to the fullest degrees. A few months later, the muscles had grown to occupy half of my bathroom, and I had gained 50 pounds of pure muscles without having to hit the gym. I had transformed from a 130 pound scrawny bastard who had no luck with women, to a solid, confident hunk with veins popping out of his arms, necks and legs. All my friends were wondering what in the world I was on, but I just smiled and shrugged it off.
Sometimes I would try to use my knowledge and skill as a sculptor to put the different/scattered muscle parts and pieces in the right places. However, I always gave up after a few attempts because the arrangement of the muscle lumps was just too jumbled up, and the parts too complicated and disjointed to be fixed up in the right matter. I tried talking to the muscle pile, but apart from slight and erratic breathing patterns, it showed no signs of intelligence. The pile of muscles had no motivation and no desires, and it was almost completely immobile. It just “sat” there in my bathroom as a completely mindless piece of shit.
One day I brought a girl home from the night club. Just before we had sex, she said she wanted to go to piss. I was too drunk to remember that there was a giant lump of muscle mass in my bathroom to warn her about. The next thing I heard was a loud scream, and then she grabbed her clothes and ran out of my house in terror.
A few weeks later, it disappeared. I came home from school and it just wasn’t there anymore, as it vanished like fart in the wind. I looked everywhere for it, but I knew it was useless because it could not have crawled out of the bathroom and move on its own. Disappointed, I went on with my life – I went to school, sculpted, taught the violin, hit the gym occasionally, and partied on the weekends.
However, without that pile of muscles to nurture me, I recessed and diminished both mentally and physically. With my friend gone, I lost most of the muscle mass that I gained, and with it, my confidence level. On top of it all, I began to get sick, as I would vomit everyday, felt dizzy, even passed out and had unexpected seizures from time to time… (to be continued).
I came across a small lump of human muscle the other day on my way back from class; it was probably a portion of the gluteus maximas. But there it was, just sitting in the middle of the street with a few flies buzzing over it. I took it home and placed it in the corner of my bathroom. I don’t know what made me do this initially, but I began ejaculating on it every night when I masturbated in the shower. Little did I know, my haphazard and seemingly arbitrary action became a necessity in the months to come, as my semen quickly nurtured that lump of muscle as it started growing at a rapid rate. Different muscle groups started to develop and form, and they were nice and strong and were ripped to the bones without a single ounce of fat. Although the muscles were mature as a whole (it had all the right parts and muscle groups and was looking very strong in its totality), the way the muscles were arranged and structured was quite messed up. All the muscle groups were in the wrong places. It was as if somebody took Ronnie Coleman, ripped his muscles off of his bones piece by piece and re-configured and rearranged and restructured them in a random fashion.
What I could say was that it was a “meathead” to the max. But I dare not to underestimate its intrinsic ability and power, for if it took on a human form with a little bit of motor and cerebral intelligence, it could probably out lift and beat up anybody on the planet. You could say that my muscle lump was the opposite of a disembodied mind – it was disembodied flesh. Just as disembodied spirits need to take on the form of a flesh to be fully realized; this disembodied flesh needed a soul to be installed into its being in order to function…Right now it was merely a lump of potentiality, waiting to be actualized.
The better you know someone, the less you will see of them because you let yourself get too close to that person. The whole experience is like watching a movie that only has closed ups – everything is blurred, unfocused, unorganized, unstructured, and unperceptive. This is why we often miss the time we spent with that person when we first met them- when we weren’t so close to them that the angles are right and the shots are focused.
This is especially the case when you are intensively making out or having sex with someone; your perceptions and judgments are clouded by emotions and hormones, and the fact that you are so close to that person emotionally and physically, it is hard to put things in the perspective of the whole. It’s fun and essential to “zoom out” of this state of ecstasy once in a while and “re-focus” and “clean” your lens in order reevaluate the situation more objectively. This is when we have to detach ourselves from the subjective, first person perspective and try to “zoom out” into the objective, third person perspective in order to achieve mindfulness.
Try this: Open your eyes during the middle of an intense make out session and just “watch” your partner while she is still intensively going through the motion with her eyes closed. Here’s a brief moment where you are detached and she’s not, where you are rational and neutral, and she’s irrational and horny. Now that you have successfully clear out your emotions and libido, closely observe her movements and appearances: the look on her face, her closed eyes, the way her tongue is moving, the noises she’s making. Ask yourself why she is rubbing her mouth and tongue at an organic entity previously known as “YOU”. Why is she so into this irrational and meaningless action? Why is she strangely twisting her tongue and breathing, opening and closing her mouth in erratic patterns while endlessly salivating in “your” mouth? Why is she transmitting billions of viruses and bacteria into your body? And why are you letting her? What the fuck is she doing and what is she’s trying to gain from all this crazy nonsense?
By drawing a division like between you are her, and creating this phenomenal contrast between irrationality and rationality, subjectivity and objectivity, the Imaginary and the Real, you will arrive at a surreal and transcendent moment of “truth” while driving her deeper into the realm of absurdity and illogicality. This brief occurrence will not only make you see more clearly, it will create a sense of dominance and power of the other individual. She would, at that moment, become a slave to your new found state of consciousness and self- awareness because while you are completely enlightened and aware, she has no idea what the fuck is going on. The key however, is to end this experiment quickly after your enlightenment. Part of the experience is to try to go back, as efficiently and as swiftly as possible, into the realm of subjectivity and eroticism and delve right back into “the moment” by picking up where you left off, and re-connecting with her soul without her catching you and noticing your temporary escape into the “Real”. The more you practice this technique, the easier it is for you to detach “or attach” your mind at will, the better you will be able to control your emotions, and the better you will be at transitioning and jumping between the two states of reality and become more mindful and aware in both realms.
This is why sometimes I would simply PAUSE in the middle of sex when it is most intense and just let the girl do all the work for a few seconds/minutes. The funny thing is that she usually never notices my “pause” and the fact that I have completely detached myself, emotionally and mentally from the act. This is where you can carefully observe her action and wonder to yourself: Why the hell is she going through all that repetitive motion? Isn’t she tired? What’s the purpose behind her moaning? What is she SAYING? Where does all this lead to? Where’s the ultimate meaning behind her rolled back eyes?
If you have a hard time detaching and transcending yourself during these intense moments of emotional attachment, it might help to “zoom out” your lens even more. Think about the galaxy and the billions of stars in the universe that are going through Supernovas. Contemplate on the moment of the Big Bang and analyze the theory of natural selection and think about ALL the absurdity that had to take place in order for you to arrive THIS particular moment of absurdity. Think about how your partner is really nothing but a bundle of cells, reduce her to a set of instruction, or attempt to read her DNA blueprints. Ponder the bloated bellies of starving kids in Africa, try to stop the melting icebergs, inhale the greenhouse gases, visit the industrial slaughter houses…etc. Try thinking hard about these things while you try to escape the terror of subjectivity, unfocused romance, and all the ghastly hormones emitted during love making sessions would sure raise your consciousness and alter your perception about the love, lust and other realms of phenomenological experiences.
Sometimes you fall in love not with the person him/her self, but with the idea of love (or the fragmentation of certain memories of that person). Reductively, this means that you are merely falling in love with yourself, because it is YOUR neurons that are generating these ideas. This is why all love is self-centered.
A lot of people ask me what I think of abortions. My answer is that I don’t think there’s anything wrong with abortions, no matter what stage in the pregnancy you are in. A lot of people view baby killing as horrendous, and would NOT hesitate to save baby’s life over an older person’s. But I think babies are overrated, and that people give them way too much credit than they deserve (like pets). They are irrational and mindless assholes who do nothing but cry and scream when their basic desires and needs are not satisfied. Babies are also the most “violent” people. They kick, scream, and bite more often than older people do, and if you happen to give 2 babies knives or guns, they will probably kill each other with them. In fact, if I could choose between saving a baby’s life or an older person’s (a semi-accomlished and healthy person who hasn’t done anything incriminating), I would probably save the latter.
Consider the so-called “Crying baby dilemma”. You are hiding from enemy soldiers with fellow villagers in a basement during wartime. You cover your baby’s mouth to stop the sound of his crying. If you remove your hand, the soldiers will hear, and all of you will be killed. Is it permissible to smother your baby to death to save yourself and the villagers?
Most people find this dilemma troubling to resolve, and would probably opt for saving the baby. But I would not hesitate to kill the baby if the killing is quick and painless, because then the baby doesn’t really suffer much at all. Part of what makes death so frightening and full of suffering is the idea and the expectation of it. (If we are talking about painless death). Therefore, the hardest part of death comes from knowing that it will happen to you and the realization that you will lose everything precious to you in your life, including accumulated memories, accomplishments in life, friendships, people you’ve helped out and influenced etc. In other words, the act of waiting to die is the most tormenting part about death. This is why I think a baby shouldn’t and couldn’t suffer if you kill it because they have yet to have the concept of death, nor do they have anything valuable and precious, like memories and friends, to lose. On top of it, babies haven’t accomplished anything worthwhile, all they are are dependable crying monsters that suck mommies dry. So why should we save a baby’s life over an older person’s and view their lives as valuable as most people make them to be?
I always look at language as an alien and mechanical force that possesses and utilizes the human body to manifest itself to the world. Language isn’t ours, we simply BORROW and uses it…
We are born INTO this matrix of discourse we called “language”, and that most of our thoughts and actions are guided and shaped by it as it forcefully inserts itself into our bodies by means of our parents and cultural upbringings. But every word and sentence that we ever utter out through out our life time had already existed, as a force external to our bodies, way before we were born. And when we die, this alien force leaves our bodies, releases itself back into the atmosphere in order to look for new hosts to manifest itself with.
So language and the human body use each other in a symbiotic relationship, much like the way a shark and the cleaner fish use each other for their own benefits while benefiting the other party as means. So this begs the question of how much of what we think is “us” really belongs to us, if a large proportion of what makes up who we are and what we do or say are guided by an alien force that doesn’t really belong to us to begin with? (not to mention that it’s already been used millions of times, and will be used by millions of others in the future). I think the only people that are immune to this possession is the deaf and the mute. That’s one good (or bad ) thing about being dumb or deaf or retarded…language wouldn’t be able to penetrate your body and turn you into a puppet.
It takes most people a college degree to realize that they don’t need a college degree.
Here is a rule : It must be a DIFFERENT penis every time. So girls will automatically be sluts
Sometimes I would devour a meal and feel really bad about it. A meal is the product of a collection of conscious hard work from a variety of different people – from the people who planted the seeds to my rice, to the people who raised and killed the cattle for my meat, to chefs who took their arts and crafts very seriously by meticulously cooking my dish. But all that blood and sweet are destroyed the moment I send the food into my mouth. I bite into the food, tear them into disgusting little pieces, mix them with my saliva and enzymes, swallow them and mix them again with stomach acid and then digesting them and turning them into stinky shit, and then finally allow it to be sucked down into the toilet drain. I don’t think I can become a chef, for the amount of time and effort I put into my craft would never amount to the speed of its very own destruction. Next time I would like to take my time finishing up a meal instead of finishing up my meal in 5 minutes (vs. the countless hours that goes into preparing such a meal) and destroying somebody else’s hard work in an instant.
Sometimes you try as hard as you can to try to control everything that is within your control to make sure everything goes as you planned and that nothing gets messed up. But just when you think that everything is running smoothly, everything is under control, and that nothing could go wrong…well, there is always one last thing that could throw EVERYTHING off and fuck everything up…that is if you are dreaming this whole thing up.
Once you wake up, everything that you planned out, and everything that you made sure ran perfectly would be destroyed in an instance, and all the hard work that you put into it would be gone, 100 percent. Have you ever had this uneasy and uncanny feeling about your current surroundings and state of affairs? I feel this way all the time. I am always paranoid that I might be dreaming. So I always tell myself not to feel too happy or too good about myself and whatever it is that I’m doing because I don’t want to be disappointed if I am indeed dreaming.
This happened to me last night. I abducted my ex girlfriend from her boyfriend’s house, and we were planning a long road trip to get away from everything and to just settle in this room with no corners (one which I built specifically for this purpose) and have one last fuck before that room condenses itself to the size of an atom and crush our bodies. Everything went according to my plan – I finished building the house in time, I abducted her without making any noises/fuss, my car didn’t run out of gas, I didn’t get lost, I made sure I drove very carefully so I don’t get into an accident, I prepared enough food and water for the car ride, and I even seduced and convinced her to sleep with me without complains or hesitation so I wouldn’t have to rape her. I even successfully took off her bra without the hook in the back getting stuck. But this whole time I was thinking…could this all be a dream? Am I just wasting my time and efforts? And this uneasy feeling grew very strong l when I finally took off her panties. I was afraid for a nightmare to come true – a nightmare within my dream. And the nightmare came true. I woke up.
I got depressed as hell for the rest of the night that I couldn’t go back to sleep. I didn’t want to have another wonderful trip/dream and having to wake up again knowing that I did everything for nothing. This is why I am paranoid all the time…and that I am always afraid to go all out and try to control everything so that everything goes 100 percent in accordance to my plan because deep within my mind, I know that this could all be over once I wake up.