The better you know someone, the less you will see of them because you let yourself get too close to that person. The whole experience is like watching a movie that only has closed ups – everything is blurred, unfocused, unorganized, unstructured, and unperceptive. This is why we often miss the time we spent with that person when we first met them- when we weren’t so close to them that the angles are right and the shots are focused.
This is especially the case when you are intensively making out or having sex with someone; your perceptions and judgments are clouded by emotions and hormones, and the fact that you are so close to that person emotionally and physically, it is hard to put things in the perspective of the whole. It’s fun and essential to “zoom out” of this state of ecstasy once in a while and “re-focus” and “clean” your lens in order reevaluate the situation more objectively. This is when we have to detach ourselves from the subjective, first person perspective and try to “zoom out” into the objective, third person perspective in order to achieve mindfulness.
Try this: Open your eyes during the middle of an intense make out session and just “watch” your partner while she is still intensively going through the motion with her eyes closed. Here’s a brief moment where you are detached and she’s not, where you are rational and neutral, and she’s irrational and horny. Now that you have successfully clear out your emotions and libido, closely observe her movements and appearances: the look on her face, her closed eyes, the way her tongue is moving, the noises she’s making. Ask yourself why she is rubbing her mouth and tongue at an organic entity previously known as “YOU”. Why is she so into this irrational and meaningless action? Why is she strangely twisting her tongue and breathing, opening and closing her mouth in erratic patterns while endlessly salivating in “your” mouth? Why is she transmitting billions of viruses and bacteria into your body? And why are you letting her? What the fuck is she doing and what is she’s trying to gain from all this crazy nonsense?
By drawing a division like between you are her, and creating this phenomenal contrast between irrationality and rationality, subjectivity and objectivity, the Imaginary and the Real, you will arrive at a surreal and transcendent moment of “truth” while driving her deeper into the realm of absurdity and illogicality. This brief occurrence will not only make you see more clearly, it will create a sense of dominance and power of the other individual. She would, at that moment, become a slave to your new found state of consciousness and self- awareness because while you are completely enlightened and aware, she has no idea what the fuck is going on. The key however, is to end this experiment quickly after your enlightenment. Part of the experience is to try to go back, as efficiently and as swiftly as possible, into the realm of subjectivity and eroticism and delve right back into “the moment” by picking up where you left off, and re-connecting with her soul without her catching you and noticing your temporary escape into the “Real”. The more you practice this technique, the easier it is for you to detach “or attach” your mind at will, the better you will be able to control your emotions, and the better you will be at transitioning and jumping between the two states of reality and become more mindful and aware in both realms.
This is why sometimes I would simply PAUSE in the middle of sex when it is most intense and just let the girl do all the work for a few seconds/minutes. The funny thing is that she usually never notices my “pause” and the fact that I have completely detached myself, emotionally and mentally from the act. This is where you can carefully observe her action and wonder to yourself: Why the hell is she going through all that repetitive motion? Isn’t she tired? What’s the purpose behind her moaning? What is she SAYING? Where does all this lead to? Where’s the ultimate meaning behind her rolled back eyes?
If you have a hard time detaching and transcending yourself during these intense moments of emotional attachment, it might help to “zoom out” your lens even more. Think about the galaxy and the billions of stars in the universe that are going through Supernovas. Contemplate on the moment of the Big Bang and analyze the theory of natural selection and think about ALL the absurdity that had to take place in order for you to arrive THIS particular moment of absurdity. Think about how your partner is really nothing but a bundle of cells, reduce her to a set of instruction, or attempt to read her DNA blueprints. Ponder the bloated bellies of starving kids in Africa, try to stop the melting icebergs, inhale the greenhouse gases, visit the industrial slaughter houses…etc. Try thinking hard about these things while you try to escape the terror of subjectivity, unfocused romance, and all the ghastly hormones emitted during love making sessions would sure raise your consciousness and alter your perception about the love, lust and other realms of phenomenological experiences.