Some parents don’t want what’s the best for their kids, but they want to be right. They warn their kids not to come home late, but while sitting in the dark living room waiting for them, they are actually and secretly wishing that they don’t come back in time so they have a justifiable reason to punish them, or confirm their superior omniscience, and to prove that they are RIGHT and have the rights to bitch at the kids. If the kids actually came home early, play of power would shift, and they would gain the advantage over the parents.

I would probably be one of those twisted parents myself LOL.

In fact, when I have kids, I am going to test and train their honesty and restraining faculties by leaving temptations like candies and coins on the floor to see if they pick them up so I can beat them up for it if they do.

yeah, I would hide in the corner and hope that they do pick them up 🙂

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Most people see a woman, to give her an excuse or reasons to try to seduce her, they try to find the aesthetic elements within her to render her more beautiful than what she really is. They look a woman multiple times to confirm her beauty. But I do the opposite.

I hate seeing beautiful women and I wish that every girl on the planet, except for my girlfriend and my mom, was fat and ugly. Whenever I see a beautiful woman, I look at her again and again hoping that each time I look at her, I can find more defects, imperfections, and faults in order to render her uglier and uglier with each glance. I peal her away metaphysically and perceptually until I lose all my interests in her or any urge to seduce or fuck her.

The hotter the girl, the more work I have to do.

I would see a “but-her-face” from the back, and I would walk up in front of her, and if she was ugly, I would let out a sigh of relief and think to myself “Yes! she’s ugly” – and then without regrets, walk away, move on with my life, and not have to ask for her number.

If her face actually looks decent, then I have to examine her more closely to confirm her worthlessness. With mediocre women, this task is easier. I can spot her imperfections from pretty far away. A flat ass, uneven chest, love handles, and fat calves are all pretty easy to spot from a distance. With a really beautiful woman I have to walk up to her really up close just to examine the smaller details and spot the tiniest defects – single eyelids, pimples, scars, boogers hanging from her nose hair, food stains in her teeth, and etc. Sometimes, when I’m in a crowded elevator or train, I even get close enough to try to smell her bad breath.

If she still seems beautiful and irreducible, I would pull out a mental microscope or a X-ray goggle so I can detect the bacteria and micro-organisms that are crawling under her skin, reduce her to a skeleton or lumps of muscle fibers, imagine her bowel movements, the smell of her stomach acid, or her full bladder. If that still doesn’t work, and I am STILL interested in her, then I break her down to cells, atoms, and eventually electrons and superstrings…

I do this to get rid of the “could haves”, “would haves”, and the “should haves”. I don’t want to miss out on anything, so I just make it seem like there’s nothing that I could have missed out anyway. I need to convince and reaffirm to myself that she isn’t worth my time and effort, and even if I did try to seduce her, my ego wouldn’t suffer as much if she rejects me (oh, she’s ugly anyway), and if I can’t have her because either I am already taken or that she is too good for me, then I can feel better about the whole thing.

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What I like about sight is that it is a sense of possibilities and potentiality.  It’s a sense that I associate freedom with.  With sound, you can;t really select what you want to hear.  You either hear everything all at once, or you don’t, and the best you can do is homogeneously turn down or up the volume.  With touch, when you touch something, it;s already actualized in the sense that it’s too late to act upon and choose what you want to touch.  With sight, you can. You can scan around your room and freely choose and select where to look, to look away, and then, upon reflection, choose what you want to do with the space without having to do it (YET).  Vision offers a field that allows for possible selection for later action.  

Take worms as an example of organism that only, limitedly, live in the present world of actuality.  Worms are not as “free” as man because they don’t have vision.  Everything they experience already IS because they can’t experience anything that they didn’t already come in direct and phyiscal contact with, and because of that, they are invaded by the world without delay or choice of possibility.   Or think of an amoeba, an orgasm who lives the life of pure reactivity and no sense of reflection.  When an organism without vision like that, who lives and experiences the world as it IS, is touched or invaded by other organisms, they simply REACT mindlessly without delay and time for thought.  Vision creates delays, and in that space and time of indeterminacy, we can reflect, and then choose how we want to interact with whatever it is that we see.  It’s this space between input and output that gives humans an advantage for creativity and freedom.  We experience reality more freely than worms and amoebas do, thanks to vision, because we experience it in a “non-contacted” way, full of potentiality and possibility that are not yet realized, and not invaded

So it’s not a surprise that human beings are “visual animals” who have are largely depended on sight, with a large part of their brains dedicated to visual processing.  It’s not a coincidence that most of science is based on sight. You can’t really do geometry or physics or even most of biology with touch or with with sound.   And it’s not a mis-wire that, even when we experience the world through other sensory modalities, or when we come across language, we almost immediately translate them into visual images to better comprehend and appreciate them.  Vision is the king of all senses.  Most people would choose to lose other senses, or even their arms or legs, than to lose their eyesight.

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A play or a movie is acted and performed by clinically diagnosed insane mental patients who try to act sane and play “normal”. Another movie/play is carried out by the twins of those patients who are otherwise “normal” people who try to act crazy for the purpose of art. The result is the same. Which one would you go see?

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Do you ever feel like you have no head? I can see everything – my toes, feet, penis, and hands, except for my head.

I will always be headless, as long as I want to see the world. I cannot have a head and have a world at the same time. If I see the world, it means I can’t see my head, and if I can see my head, then not only can I NOT see the world, I am probably not even in this world.

The world spills itself over me and unfolds itself through the (what to me is…) a transparent opening (absence) that others see as a head. So what do I have instead of a head? a face of the world that is not the world, but not NOT the world either.

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My experience with a maid.

When I was 9, my parents hired this incredible maid to take care of housework and to babysit my baby brother.

My first impression was, damn this woman was dumb. So I stole my dad’s encyclopedias and forced her to read it. I would lecture her when she was trying to wash dishes and afterwards test her knowledge and to see if she got any smarter. I remember one time, she couldn’t distinguish between a cheetah and a leopard, so I hit her in the head with my own head and she fainted on the floor for 10 minutes and woke up with a red face. My dad beat me up for it…but I am positively sure that she faked it to get me in trouble.

She also stole my fucking Jurassic park T-shirt. I remember looking for it for weeks, and then I saw it in her closet. She told me that she bought that for her son, but that I could have it as a gift if I wanted! Fucking epic.

One thing she was proud of was that, being such a good maid/baby sitter, she could make my brother eat everything and anything (because apparently my brother would never eat when my mom fed him). That’s all good and sweet, except for one thing – my brother was still skinny as a goddamn monkey and never gained so much as half a pound despite all that food he was supposedly be “eating”. So I figured she must be up to something, either throwing it away or hiding it underneath the bed or worse, fed it to our dogs. So I hid in the bathroom when she was feeding my brother during lunch, and she fucking ate that baby food shit herself to make it look like my brother ate it!

One day, I saw her bending over to clean the dust in the corner. So I went up to her and started humping her back until I got an orgasm. And then I started interrogating her about her sexual experiences and history. Then she told me how she would suck on her husband’s cock and demonstrated to me how she did it with a banana. I couldn’t believe that people actually sucked dick, and I asked her if it was true, and she said “Of course, he is my husband”. Then she showed me how she moaned in bed and i started to imitate her moaning until both of us were moaning and panting uncontrollably on the ground.

The most annoying thing was that she talked on the phone all the fucking time with her family in Philippines (LONG DISTANCE and wasting our phone bill). My parents already warned her not to do that, but she still sneaked out to the living room 3 in the morning to do what was forbidden. She made the phone smelled like shit because she had bad oral hygiene and spit into the phone and stained it with plagues, blood, and saliva.

I used to smell the phone on purpose and use that foulness as an evidence that she was at it again and made my parents smell that shit too so get her in trouble. One time I opened up the phone handle and looked into it with a microscope, and saw fucking mushrooms growing out of it. Just unbelievable.

And when I was finally leaving to go to America at the age of 10, she started crying and said that she was sorry and that she would miss me. Then she hugged me and kissed me in the cheek and drooled all over my face on purpose. Best goodbye gift I’ve ever gotten for sure.

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