Yesterday from 1 to 9 am in the morning, I had the most amazing date.

Me and my girlfriend were walking and holding hands.
All of a sudden we pulled our hands away from each other until they became longer and thiner indefinitely until we both fell into 2 separate black holes…

In this alternate black hole, I found another version of my girlfriend… it was like the diet coke version of her. She tasted and looked exactly like her, but the genetic makeup was somehow different.

I didn’t give a shit about the differences and still kissed her anyway. It took a very long time for our lips to meet (felt like eternity actually), and when they finally did, my lips merged into hers. And then I kept going deeper and deeper into it until my whole head, and then body was inside of her.

And then I twisted her in circles (since we already merged as one, I couldn’t really tell if it was her that was twisting me or the other way around), starting from her mouth, and all the way through out her body until she became a galaxy made up of not stars, but pink bricks that looks like (or might even) be plant cells magnified by a million degrees.

And then I spread this thin layer of “us” and wrapped it around the entire universe…

It was magnificent.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

People who like reading my statuses keep telling me to write a book. I tell them that my thoughts are too disorganized and chaotic to be in a book format so nobody is going to publish it.

So I am going to screen capture all my statuses and staple them all together to form a book.

I;m going to keep all the “likes” and comments too so if you want to get featured in my book you better start commenting.

PS. this status will be the cover!

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Is it just me or are there a lot of people who hate me who still read my statuses anyway? Because I swear the hate comments are always from the same people and some of them have been commenting for years. I think when they read them they think to themselves “oh the attention whoring arrogant hipster faggot is trying to sound smart and artsy again with pseudo-intellectual bullshit”. But for some reason they can’t help but read them anyway because either they are intrigued about what I have to say, or that they like the feeling of superiority I give them because by reading them they can confirm to and convince themselves that they are “better than this”.

It’s kind of like how I love looking at pictures of fat/skinny/unaesthetic people or read statuses that are just completely mindless and then feel awesome about myself in comparison.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

My diet plan:

Why do people make such a huge deal about diet MAN, they keep asking me the same question : What’s your diet?

Well when you are BULKING make sure u stuff as much food down your throat as you can, and when you can’t do it anymore, as in if the next bite will throw you over the edge and make you vomit, you STOP. And when you digest a little bit, and have more room in your stomach, then eat MORE until you are about to throw up again! LOGIC!

When you are CUTTING, do the opposite! eat as LITTLE as possible. In fact, the goal is to NOT eat at all for AS LONG AS YOU CAN! if you feel like you would pass out or die if you don’t eat NOW, then grab a bite from an apple and then wait until your body digests the piece and then when you feel like you are dying again take another bite! COMMON SENSE and LOGIC,

Either way, BUST YOUR ASS OFF at the gym and you will either GROW or SHRINK!

ASK CHRISTIAN the BALE BATMAN DARK knight OR THE MACHINIST aka AMERICAN PSYCHO he will tell u the exact same thing! because i bet that’s what he does plus cig! LOLOLLOL GOOD LUCK! Get that body my friends and get them hoes to hoe the semen that will also be hoes thta hoe semen!

Brb going to take a walk with my maid so i can tell her what grocery to buuuy

________________________________________________________________________________________________

LOL check out this man’s comment on my new video about sports:

HIM: Watching sports is no different than you making these weird ass videos, its a hobby.

ME:

But seriously though MAN, saying that it’s a hobby just isn’t much of an argument and doesn’t tell me much~ I mean my ex gf had a hobby of shitting in my mouth in the morning (good hobby? yes if u are a pragmatist who grows muscles on shit!) and my current gf has a hobby of playing piano. Which one would ur parents rather have u pass their genes onto!? SIMPLE QUESTION SMART GUY!@ BOTH ARE HOBBIES FOR CHRIST’S SACK!

But from an elitist point of view, making weird ass videos is better because it allows for “creative”. “artistic” and “intellectual” expressions that leads to debates and thus more neurons being fired….which optimizes human’s capacity to be more conscious.

Or i can be a pragmatist and argue that making these videos allow me to buy burgers with the money youtube is paying me, which allows my mind and body to be stronger than yours, which is why I am winning this debate, and you are still watching sports. AHHAHAHahahhHAHAH HI AM INTELLIGENT QHAHHAHAHAH U RAE SPORT FAN AHAHAHAHHA NO SMART MEAT HEAD MUAHHHH!♥

________________________________________________________________________________________________

I wet my bed again…3rd time this week goddamn it!

Might as well turn it into a status for attention so you can see how weird and crazy I am. MUahahahHAHAHALKLALAL ALALAALALA

This time my girlfriend was sleeping next to me.

… But thank God the Inception theory was right…how time and space multiply and is elongated the lower you go into the subconscious.

During limbo, I didn’t realize I was urinating because the eternity of my pissing made the urine the very fabric of the cosmos itself. Which wasn’t a surprise to me that I never realized that I was embedded in urine because seriously, how often do you think about being surrounded by time and space on a daily basis?

Then as I woke up in the 3rd level of my subconscious, I urinated for 20 years and by the end of it I was swimming in my own Ocean of Urine.

Then I woke up in the 2nd level, where I was merely inside a urine swimming pool practicing a stroke I’ve never done in real life.

After I drowned and woke up in the 1st level of my subconscious, I was merely having a very long piss into a fish tank where my hamsters swam and lived.

Good news is that by the time I woke up in reality, sleeping next to my girlfriend, my urine only seeped through my boxers and contaminated my bed only by about 5 inches in diameter.

I was too lazy to change the bed sheet so I just took off my wet boxers and placed it on the wet spot and slept right on it for the rest of the night.
I am writing this while the bed is still wet and my girlfriend is still sleeping.
Gonna go get my maid to dry it up for me now. BBL!

Advertisements