If you want to be good at anything just buy a camera and turn it on and do whatever it is that you do in front of it and you’d be smooth as a cow after a few takes and be psyched up as anything with its red eyes blinking at you.

I discovered this trick when I was 13. I got all 15.5 of my mom’s underwear (one of them had stains on it and dissolved half of it like acid) and put them all on to create an artificial bulge and lip synched to the voice in my own head in front of my first camera.
Ever since then I was the most confident kid in school (not popular or intelligent, just confident) and acting homo was second nature to none.

Then I started to do all kinds of shit on camera. I mean I was doing “jack ass” before there was “jack ass” (SRS).


That’s how I became a beast at the violin and lifting weights and screaming because with the camera on, it could represent ANY EYE and MIND, your worse fear and your _____(fill in blank) – it doesn’t lie…as it collects your self-conscious consciousness garbage and stuffs it right back into your mind, records it, and then ejects it back out again, records THAT, and in a feedback loop spits out your net consciousness and renders it objectively pure.

So yeah, if you are trying to get PRs at the gym – turn it on and it would be your ideal spotter.

Having trouble at interviews? Pretend it’s your boss.

Can’t orgasm? Record yourself masturbating and pretend the lens is your date’s dirty pussy (wipe it crystal clean if you like clean ones), yourself, or if you are me, pretend it’s the whole fucking world.

Yeah pack the whole world inside that shit and you’d hit PR in everything I swear to it.

Ps. Get a few different kinds of camera. If you’re going out with a fucking ugly midget hoe then turn on your shitty 20 pixel phone cam and no pressure. If you’re going out with Boss’s daughter then you might need a Canon Mark 2 in HD. It all depends.)just saying)