How I Eat My Sleeping Pills

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I have discovered a method that pushes the boundary of being and my physical self into a space and time of total rejuvenation, liberation, and enlightenment. 

Most people turn on the fan or the air conditioning system when they are hot, and turn on the heater when they are cold. They consume cold drinks in hot weather, and drink hot coffee or tea during cold weather. 

I do the exact opposite. I like to turn on the fan and the air conditioning system when it’s already cold. I especially like to do this when I go to sleep during the winter. Then I would wear a lot of clothes or wrap myself in thick blankets to feel cozy. On the other hand, I turn on the heater when it’s extremely warm and then take off all my clothes and eat ice cubes. 

I like to eat shaved ice or drink ice tea under extremely cold conditions, and drink boiling hot water or coffee in the middle of hot summer days.

Usually people take Viagra when they can’t get a hard on, sleeping pills when they have trouble falling asleep, drink coffee or ingest caffeine when they are tired and sleepy, take pain killers or Advil when they feel pain and discomfort, and ingest stool softeners when they are constipated. 

Again, I do the exact opposite. 

It is when I have an extreme hard on that I decide to take Viagra pills in order to increase and expend the potentiality and the physical boundary of my penis beyond its normal horizon. It is when I am already tired and sleepy that I take sleeping pills, so that I can dive deeper into my subconscious mind and dream within dreams, sleep within sleeps to open up door way after door way, of crossing space. It is when I am feeling extremely energetic and hyper and awake that I indulge in caffeine or drink coffee. It is only when my body is feeling healthy and completely pain free that I take Advil and pain relievers. And it is when my shit is most soft and slippery and when my pooping pattern is at its maximum degree of regularity that I decide to take stool softeners. The container for my ego expands beyond its regular horizon when I engage in this method, and I am able to comprehend and perceive reality’s extra and hidden fabrics and dimensions – a space and time of undivided whole, free of chaos, disorder, and fragmentations where the intensities of desires are broadened and redirected in ‘lines of flight’ beyond normal sensori motor-schemas to become-other through what is more than oneself.

*The same concept can be apply to:

Taking acid when you are already schizophrenic 
or snorting coke when you are already manic (depressive)

Beauty is only skin deep.
 
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Photograph by Frank Yang
written by Frank Yang

I avoid seeing really hot girls. Maybe this is why I don’t watch TV- the overabundance of glamour and beauty really makes me depressed. Whenever I see a model or a celebrity, I try really hard to peel her skin off with my mind; I try to strip away the ideological and the conceptual layer of her being and deal with her in the pre-lingual/biological abstract. I try to think of her as a bundle of neurons, sweat glands, bone marrow and hair. I visualize her DNA and gastric acid; I analyze the inner workings of her organs and the way she defecates. I focus on her various odors, the plaque between her teeth, and the colonies of bacteria on her skin.

Human beings are only skin deep, and underneath the most beautiful super model, there lays a monster comprised of wet clumps of organs, tubes, hunks of bloody meat, lifeless electric impulses, and other repulsive and disgusting dead matter. Despite how we might look on the outside, most of our physical properties and composition are not very attractive. If God made man in the image of himself, did he also make our INSIDES in the image of Him? One comfortable notion that comes out of this concept and image is that the unattractive and repulsive insides that we all share make us more alike, more heterogeneous, and equal than we otherwise would. If you flip both my below average-looking ex-girlfriend and Britney Spears inside out and place them next to each other, I doubt you would be able to tell the difference between the two. When you consider what most parts of our physical bodies look and feel like, there is a sense of serenity and comfort inknowing that we really are not that much different from each other. Unfortunately, this sense of reassurance is embedded within the hideous and revolting side of our very own nature.

Indeed, our skin is the only organ that holds us together, just barely and scarcely preventing the hideous monsters that reside within us from breaking out of their thin shells. Compare the thickness and overall breadth of our skin to the rest of our bodies that lies underneath. The skin is thin and miniature in comparison. To me, there is a sense of insecurity in knowing that immediately beneath this feeble layer of tissues and cells, there lays wet muscle, distorted arteries and other disgusting organs that make up the majority of who we are as physical beings. Even our thoughts, seemingly so divine, abstract, beautiful and creative are governed by electric impulses and grey matter – simply wet and slimy meat. So when a girl loves me, is she merely in love with my skin and meat? Is that it?

Whenever I date a girl, I’m always be fearful of two things. First, I would be afraid that my skin would fail on me, break down, and the monster that it barely holds would come out and devour, both physically and psychologically, the girl who I am desperately trying to look good for and impress. Secondly, whenever I find a girl attractive, I usually fall for her mind, but the mind is nothing more than the brain. If I am so in love with the beautiful and lovely words she utters the eloquent poems and letters that she composes, should I also be in love with the ultimate source of such beauty and eloquence?

Our beauty is literally only skin deep. But, in perspective, the sense of beauty and satisfaction that we derive from our outside is only illusionary. If you look at the skin under a microscope, you will be shocked at how unaesthetic and repugnant it is. I apologize for taking away your last hope for beauty. Indeed, even the only barrier concealing the hideous monster within us is itself a source of discomfort and disgust when examined upon closer inspection.

If you still don’t find human beings disgusting, let me try to convince you of our monstrosity by mentioning our origins. Remember how Frankenstein was created? His body was sewn up from pieces of flesh and skin of other dead bodies. But was the way he was created any different from the way we were created? Frankenstein is a magnification of our bodies and minds, in a metaphorical sense that point to our very own nature and who we really are. Think of how WE were created and you would come to the conclusion that we are also made up of dead stuff.

The notion of our sentient beings would cease to seem so glamorous if we remind ourselves that the source of our conscious bodies originate from various unaesthetic and dead material. First, there is the sperm and the egg, which is not only extrinsically unattractive, but is intrinsically made up of senseless and mindless organic material. Then there’s the food that your mother ingested and digested to feed you during pregnancy. It’s nothe onthing but dead matter converted into muscle, brain, bones, and organs. What stitches us together is comprised of what was once dead – animal corpses, excrement, and bits and pieces of inorganic matter like dead stars and the primeval soup that is shattered, spread out, and left over by the violent explosion of the Big Bang.

Atoms and particles that reside in our bodies once held residence in the bodies of all sorts of different objects and organisms: When a body dies, worms eat the body, chickens eat the worm, and we would in turn, eat the chickens. So life (as we know it) is not very appealing when examined from the perspective of its origins. We all have our beginnings in materials taken from a host of other repulsive objects. The forces that bring these parts together to form our bodies, consciousness, and, eventually, human beings are nothing but contingent and accidental ones. From this perspective, life is made from the dead, with dead matter swimming and swirling into each other in a meaningless void that is DEAD and LIFELESS.

Ok, let’s zoom out a little bit and focus on our external properties. Forget about the organs, the brain, and all of their origins. You can’t SEE them on a day-to-day basis (unless you are a medical student or a doctor); focus on what you can directly observe. But can you end our sense of anxiety simply by forgetting about the skin that we so heavily depend upon? I don’t think so. Our physical appeals, if they do exist, are fragile and unreliable. Even the most attractive of us feel insecure, anxious, and self-conscious about our appearances from time to time.

Everyone is imperfect in some way. Even if you are not seriously deformed, you worry about what your mate will think of you in the morning, right when your messy self wakes up from a temporary death. You worry about your bad breath, whether your gel is wearing off, and, for girls, whether your makeup is smeared or ruined by external factors beyond your control. The shape of your nose, the sizes of your eyes and ears, the size of your muscles are all exposed and open to criticism, despite the fact that they seem to look acceptable when you checked yourself out in the mirror this morning.

I am going to end with sex here, because I think it is the most monstrous of all human acts and interactions.
Sex I think, reveals the most beastly and debased side of us. It is an act that consists of blood, odor, violent penetration, frenzied movements, disturbing psychology, exchange of body fluid, potential spread of disease, unsettling noises, and even death. We must reveal some of our most ugly body parts to the very partners who we desperately try to impress. The imperfections of our bodies that are hidden so well underneath clothes and makeup are as completely exposed during sex. Despite the eroticism of our sexual organs, they are, in any other context, ugly, smelly, and anything but attractive.

We also need to reveal our most primal and debased psychological and emotional side to our partners during sex. The moaning, the way we breathe, the wet and slimy sounds that the vagina makes while it is being violated and penetrated, and the eerie and unsettling “slapping” sounds made by the impact of ferocious humping: all of that would seem downright depraved or sickening in a non-sexual context. It is amazing that our psyches and our minds can filter these monstrous elements out of the erotic picture to allow us to enjoy sex despite its imperfections.

But sometimes our security system breaks down. During sex, we find ourselves thinking, from time to time, “What the fuck am I doing? Who is this monster that I am humping and why is it making such weird noises? NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE! Why am I relentlessly and repetitively making such absurd back and forth movements? Those are moments when the real penetrates the symbolic; the barriers of language, ideology, illusions, and concepts break down, exposing the good old monstrous sides of our humanity.

 
My experience with a maid….
 
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which really puts things into (or out of) perspective for me. It was then when I realized that reality was not what it seemed, and absurdity was what governs most of life under the surface. 

My maid mindfucked me, and as a result, I went on a the same quest.

When I was 9, my parents hired this incredible maid to take care of housework and to babysit my baby brother.

My first impression was, damn this woman was dumb. So I stole my dad’s encyclopedias and forced her to read it. I would lecture her when she was trying to wash dishes and afterwards test her knowledge and to see if she got any smarter. I remember one time, she couldn’t distinguish between a cheetah and a leopard, so I hit her in the head with my own head and she fainted on the floor for 10 minutes and woke up with a red face. My dad beat me up for it…but I am positively sure that she faked it to get me in trouble.

She also stole my fucking Jurassic park T-shirt. I remember looking for it for weeks, and then I saw it in her closet. She told me that she bought that for her son, but that I could have it as a gift if I wanted! Fucking epic.

One thing she was proud of was that, being such a good maid/baby sitter, she could make my brother eat everything and anything (because apparently my brother would never eat when my mom fed him). That’s all good and sweet, except for one thing – my brother was still skinny as a goddamn monkey and never gained so much as half a pound despite all that food he was supposedly be “eating”. So I figured she must be up to something, either throwing it away or hiding it underneath the bed or worse, fed it to our dogs. So I hid in the bathroom when she was feeding my brother during lunch, and she fucking ate that baby food shit herself to make it look like my brother ate it!

One day, I saw her bending over to clean the dust in the corner. So I went up to her and started humping her back until I got an orgasm. And then I started interrogating her about her sexual experiences and history. Then she told me how she would suck on her husband’s cock and demonstrated to me how she did it with a banana. I couldn’t believe that people actually sucked dick, and I asked her if it was true, and she said “Of course, he is my husband”. Then she showed me how she moaned in bed and i started to imitate her moaning until both of us were moaning and panting uncontrollably on the ground.

The most annoying thing was that she talked on the phone all the fucking time with her family in Philippines (LONG DISTANCE and wasting our phone bill). My parents already warned her not to do that, but she still sneaked out to the living room 3 in the morning to do what was forbidden. She made the phone smelled like shit because she had bad oral hygiene and spit into the phone and stained it with plagues, blood, and saliva.

I used to smell the phone on purpose and use that foulness as an evidence that she was at it again and made my parents smell that shit too to get her in trouble. One time I opened up the phone handle and looked into it with a microscope, and saw fucking mushrooms growing out of it. Just unbelievable.

And when I was finally leaving to go to America at the age of 10, she started crying and said that she was sorry and that she would miss me. Then she hugged me and kissed me in the cheek and drooled all over my face on purpose. Best goodbye gift I’ve ever gotten for sure.

 
WHY “NORMAL” PEOPLE ARE THE SICK ONES
photographed by FY
 
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I think one of the main purpose of science and art is to reduce the multiplicity of things into unity. These endeavors seek to explain the endlessly diverse and heterogeneous phenomenon in nature, concentrate on what they have in common (and sometimes invent them) and put them all in boxes with labels to abstract some kind of “law” or “rules” or systems so that the mysterious and ambiguities of nature and life can be eliminated, be made sense of, and dealt with.

But I think this notion of a “will to order” can be unsettling and dangerous to a person’s fundamental well being. Think of the way nature operates to ensure the uniqueness and individuality of each member of a species through out its evolutionary history. Each organism re-produces its kind by mixing the father’s genes with the mother’s to make sure the genetic blueprint of the offspring is as diverse as possible. 

There was a study done that showed that when a person is attracted to another, it is based on an unconscious attraction to the other’s pheromones. And usually such an attraction occurs between two individuals who have sets of genetic blueprints that are different from each other. In other words, if I am attracted to a girl it is precisely the reason that her genes are very different from my own, and if I have sex with her and mix our two unique sets of genes together, then our offspring would be “healthier” because it would have genes so diverse that it could fend of diseases easier. In fact, this notion of mixing genes so that the offspring could be different and unique from one another is exactly the reason why sex has evolved. 

Sex promotes heterogeneity and multiplicity while reducing and eliminating chances of uniformity and homogeneity. In other words, sex makes each one of us is unique, and uniqueness is one of the keys to survive in nature. Imagine if all of us are genetically similar, the population would be wiped out from a disease much quicker than if we were diverse and unique because if we all had the same genetic blueprints we would be all vulnerable and defenseless to this one disease. But if we are all different, then the population would more likely to survive because only SOME of us would be vulnerable, while the rest of us stay immune and un-infected.

But as I mentioned earlier, our culture, with its interests in efficiency, control, and production in the names of religious, political, and ideological dogma, has sought to standardize and unify the uniqueness of the individual, which I think could be a de-natured act of insult against human nature and its biological instincts. 

The advance in technology is accompanied by advances in organization, and over-organization results in the reduction of heterogeneity and diversity, which ultimately leads to subhuman conformity that undermines the possibility of freedom and self-expression. In politics, over-organization can lead to a totalitarian dictatorship. And think of the way the factories are operated in its most economically efficient mode; the smoothly running machines in factory cause the workers to become automatons as they are all minimized to perform the same tasks with the same gestures – perfectly in-sync with a machine that operates just like every other machine in a factory that runs in every other factory. The homogeneity of motor skills results dangerously in the conformity of cognition – a gesticulation that runs our biological nature to be unique and diverse. This could be why in our contemporary Western society, in spite of its technological, scientific, and intellectual advances, are all sick in the mind. 

We have become automatons who think and act just like each other, where uniqueness and individuality are not only undermined, but looked down as a mode of madness or even foolishness. We all want to conform because that’s the safest bet to make in a world that violently demands unity out of multiplicity.

This is why I think sometimes the most “normal” people; the folks who are the most “conformed” are the sickest and most abnormal. Normal” individuals are mentally ill because they are going against their basic instincts of multiplicity in order to conform to a system so they can be automatons like everybody else. On the surface of things, they seem to be happy because they are so well-adjusted to our de-naturalized ways of existence that their wills and voices have been silenced so well that they do not even make a struggle to be heard. But structurally, they are normal only relatively, in a culture that is biologically abnormal and de-natured. 

These abnormally and de-individualized people often wonder what the hell is going on. Why is it that deep down inside, something inside them is never quite fulfilled and content – and that they don’t feel the slightest bit of creativity, spirituality, and freedom? Indeed, their conformity has become so uniform that it is inconceivable to question this illusion of normality and de-sensitization. 

Freedom is at risk because it is impossible to co-exist with uniformity, and when everybody is the same as everybody else, we become mentally sick because being “automaton-ized” is precisely what nature doesn’t want us to become.

 

MEAT a short story 
photograph by FY

I came across a small lump of human muscle the other day on my way back from class; it was probably a portion of the gluteus maximas. But there it was, just sitting in the middle of the street with a few flies buzzing over it. I took it home and placed it in the corner of my bathroom. I don’t know what made me do this initially, but I began ejaculating on it every night when I masturbated in the shower. Little did I know, my haphazard and seemingly arbitrary action became a necessity in the months to come, as my semen quickly nurtured that lump of muscle as it started growing at a rapid rate. Different muscle groups started to develop and form, and they were nice and strong and were ripped to the bones without a single ounce of fat. Although the muscles were mature as a whole (it had all the right parts and muscle groups and was looking very strong in its totality), the way the muscles were arranged and structured was quite messed up. All the muscle groups were in the wrong places. It was as if somebody took Ronnie Coleman, ripped his muscles off of his bones piece by piece and re-configured and rearranged and restructured them in a random fashion. 

One day there was a storm in the area, and I was trapped in my house for days. Since I never watched the news, I did not expect nor did I prepare for the arrival of this small disaster. I ran out of food quickly. However, the thought of taking a bite out of that pile of muscles came to mind and sounded like a pretty delicious idea. I took a knife and cut off a small portion of that muscle lump and stuffed it down my throat. It wasn’t bad at all, as it tasted very much like juicy beef tendons. 

Over the next few months I started eating that good old pile of muscles. I didn’t have to eat a lot of it to get full. In fact, I only had to take a few bites out of it each morning in order to function energetically for the rest of the day. Soon afterwards, I stopped spending money on food all together and relied solely on these muscles for nutrients. My body had begun to transform itself as well. I started to lose fat and gained muscle mass at an enormous rate. In just 2 months I gained 30 pounds of pure muscles, grew more confident, and was picking up more girls at the club. I continued to nurture my muscle lump with my semen, and not surprisingly, along with my rapid physical development, my semen increased both in quality and in quantity (and with it, my reproductive success and sexual dominance).

The relationship between me and the muscle lumps was a reciprocal feedback loop, as we both took turns nurturing each other to make each other stronger, bigger, and healthier. It was a mutual dependency that only a strong bonded couple could have felt and shared, and we took advantage of each other to the fullest degrees. A few months later, the muscles had grown to occupy half of my bathroom, and I had gained 50 pounds of pure muscles without having to hit the gym. I had transformed from a 130 pound scrawny bastard who had no luck with women, to a solid, confident hunk with veins popping out of his arms, necks and legs. All my friends were wondering what in the world I was on, but I just smiled and shrugged it off. 

Sometimes I would try to use my knowledge and skill as a sculptor to put the different/scattered muscle parts and pieces in the right places. However, I always gave up after a few attempts because the arrangement of the muscle lumps was just too jumbled up, and the parts too complicated and disjointed to be fixed up in the right matter. I tried talking to the muscle pile, but apart from slight and erratic breathing patterns, it showed no signs of intelligence. The pile of muscles had no motivation and no desires, and it was almost completely immobile. It just “sat” there in my bathroom as a completely mindless piece of shit.

What I could say was that it was a “meathead” to the max. But I dare not to underestimate its intrinsic ability and power, for if it took on a human form with a little bit of motor and cerebral intelligence, it could probably out lift and beat up anybody on the planet. You could say that my muscle lump was the opposite of a disembodied mind – it was disembodied flesh. Just as disembodied spirits need to take on the form of a flesh to be fully realized; this disembodied flesh needed a soul to be installed into its being in order to function…Right now it was merely a lump of potentiality, waiting to be actualized.

One day I brought a girl home from the night club. Just before we had sex, she said she wanted to go to piss. I was too drunk to remember that there was a giant lump of muscle mass in my bathroom to warn her about. The next thing I heard was a loud scream, and then she grabbed her clothes and ran out of my house in terror. 

A few weeks later, it disappeared. I came home from school and it just wasn’t there anymore, as it vanished like fart in the wind. I looked everywhere for it, but I knew it was useless because it could not have crawled out of the bathroom and move on its own. Disappointed, I went on with my life – I went to school, sculpted, taught the violin, hit the gym occasionally, and partied on the weekends. 

However, without that pile of muscles to nurture me, I recessed and diminished both mentally and physically. With my friend gone, I lost most of the muscle mass that I gained, and with it, my confidence level. On top of it all, I began to get sick, as I would vomit everyday, felt dizzy, even passed out and had unexpected seizures from time to time… (to be continued).

 
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Of Love/Hate dichotomy (2009)
 
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I want to put two people who absolutely hate each other in a glass container and force them to have passionate sex until they both reach orgasms. And then I want to force two people who absolutely love each other to beat each other until they both fracture their skulls and lose consciousness. This might be a good way to amalgamate the polar opposites of love and hate in order to synthesize this contradiction to give birth to new realizations – a change of degree and of kind. 

The fundamental transition between the biological and the psychological aspects of love and hate, life and death are precisely instances of such qualitative macro-changes. 

I don’t think it’s possible, in most cases anyway, to really love somebody without a certain embodiment and manifestation of hate, and vice versa. This is because to experience a complete dissonance, a certain degree of harmony must be pre-established. You cannot break something if it wasn’t a whole to begin with, and to connect parts together you must already be forming a whole. 

In other words, you have to first put your feet in your opponent’s shoes and become who they are and understand his side of the argument before you have the means to disagree with them and to to not be who they are. So there is a sort of a metaphysical dance between creation and annihilation, being and non-being, life and death, love and hate… where both sides of the dialectical configuration emerge and dissolve into each other to form new growths and becomings. 

And this play of differences and similarities goes on endlessly in our own thoughts, between people, and in the broader instances within culture and society. So you really aren’t that different from your opponents, as polar opposites are really two pieces of dialectical fragments that make up, and give birth to a synthetic whole that is both self-creating and self-negating. 

Hate and love are two emotions that create extremely close bonds between individuals. When people are going through a love and hate relationship, their thoughts and bodies have to be in very close contact. The thought and body language feed off of each other, as the two manifests and embeds upon one another in an on-going feedback loop. 

The body is the extension of thought, and the thought is the extension of the body. When people are in really close contact, talking about something very passionately, whether they are agreeing or disagreeing, their whole bodies are involved – their neurons are firing together, their hearts, their neurochemicals, their adrenalin, their breaths, everything. 

But in order for this connection to occur, people can suddenly become totally unfamiliar with certain parts of their body. The contact between different individuals during these moments can be far closer than with some parts of their own bodies – say your toes, your pinkies, or even your very own thought. 

What I’m trying to say is, to establish the phenomenon of “one mind-body” connection, whether as a result of love or hate, and whether it is between two individuals or a group of people, their bodies and thought must become partially out-growing or incomplete in order to be receptive upon reproduction and production. 

Aren’t there moments where we become totally unaware of certain parts of our bodies because we are so engaged in the embodiment and the connectivity between ourselves and others in the world? 

And aren’t there also moments where parts of our bodies are so full with energy that it overflows with desire and vitality of flesh, soul, and blood? This results in very odd spectacles, as if we experience a rupture in the fabric of reality, as if a black hole has been created in space-time so that it could be simultaneously filled up and contained.

A negative movement which yields the production of a positive one, a sort of a break to form a hollow gesture so a that full one can refill its space to form a fusion which is superior to and subsumes both the initial proposition and its counterpart.

I want to put two people who absolutely hate each other in a glass container and force them to have passionate sex until they both reach orgasms. And then I want to force two people who absolutely love each other to beat each other until they both fracture their skulls and lose consciousness. This might be a good way to amalgamate the polar opposites of love and hate in order to synthesize this contradiction to give birth to new realizations – a change of degree and of kind. 

The fundamental transition between the biological and the psychological aspects of love and hate, life and death are precisely instances of such qualitative macro-changes. 

I don’t think it’s possible, in most cases anyway, to really love somebody without a certain embodiment and manifestation of hate, and vice versa. This is because to experience a complete dissonance, a certain degree of harmony must be pre-established. You cannot break something if it wasn’t a whole to begin with, and to connect parts together you must already be forming a whole. 

In other words, you have to first put your feet in your opponent’s shoes and become who they are and understand his side of the argument before you have the means to disagree with them and to to not be who they are. So there is a sort of a metaphysical dance between creation and annihilation, being and non-being, life and death, love and hate… where both sides of the dialectical configuration emerge and dissolve into each other to form new growths and becomings. 

And this play of differences and similarities goes on endlessly in our own thoughts, between people, and in the broader instances within culture and society. So you really aren’t that different from your opponents, as polar opposites are really two pieces of dialectical fragments that make up, and give birth to a synthetic whole that is both self-creating and self-negating. 

Hate and love are two emotions that create extremely close bonds between individuals. When people are going through a love and hate relationship, their thoughts and bodies have to be in very close contact. The thought and body language feed off of each other, as the two manifests and embeds upon one another in an on-going feedback loop. 

The body is the extension of thought, and the thought is the extension of the body. When people are in really close contact, talking about something very passionately, whether they are agreeing or disagreeing, their whole bodies are involved – their neurons are firing together, their hearts, their neurochemicals, their adrenalin, their breaths, everything. 

But in order for this connection to occur, people can suddenly become totally unfamiliar with certain parts of their body. The contact between different individuals during these moments can be far closer than with some parts of their own bodies – say your toes, your pinkies, or even your very own thought. 

What I’m trying to say is, to establish the phenomenon of “one mind-body” connection, whether as a result of love or hate, and whether it is between two individuals or a group of people, their bodies and thought must become partially out-growing or incomplete in order to be receptive upon reproduction and production. 

Aren’t there moments where we become totally unaware of certain parts of our bodies because we are so engaged in the embodiment and the connectivity between ourselves and others in the world? 

And aren’t there also moments where parts of our bodies are so full with energy that it overflows with desire and vitality of flesh, soul, and blood? This results in very odd spectacles, as if we experience a rupture in the fabric of reality, as if a black hole has been created in space-time so that it could be simultaneously filled up and contained.

A negative movement which yields the production of a positive one, a sort of a break to form a hollow gesture so a that full one can refill its space to form a fusion which is superior to and subsumes both the initial proposition and its counterpart.