And Balls-Deep look at Sex and Orgasm

“The orgasm is man’s first true meditative state” – Osho

The original definition of an orgasm means “a mini death”. If you have a really good one, it certainly feels like some kind of god-like light is surrounding you and that somehow you died during it and were born again afterwards. And if you think about how most people associate sex with darkness, the emergence of orgasmic light shines just that much brighter by contrast and it makes sex feels just that much more pleasant.

This is how fucked up, confusing, and contradicting sex is. You can be in a completely dark situation – making an amateur pornographic video in your basement with a prostitute that has AIDS behind your wife’s back. All of a sudden a light engulfs you when orgasm is achieved, which renders everything into a state of ecstasy and perfection. If only temporarily.

I keep talking about ‘mindfucks’, but I think the biggest mindfucks are orgasms (I think for most people, the only way they can experience the creative “flow state” is through sex and masturbation).

People like to separate the penis/vagina and the brain and look at them as opposites, but I’m starting erase that distinction both physically and phenomenologically. Orgasm is 99 percent mental. If you take away the imagination while rubbing one off, there is no way you can even climax. Speaking of the imagination, we all know that one of the main things that makes us human is the imagination. The book “Sex at Dawn” (which I highly recommend) goes even further and argues that what makes us unique is a very specific type of imagination – the pornographic imagination.

Human beings spend more time thinking about sex than any other animals. At first this might seem absurd. After all, you ‘fuck like an animal’, right? But the truth is, human beings are the only species of animals that have sex for fun (maybe dolphins as well). All of the other species have sex for reproductive reasons and they do it only during specific time periods when they can get pregnant. Human beings fuck all year round whether or not it will lead to reproductive and biological results. So when a person is having a lot of sex, in many ways he is actually more human than his more reserved counterparts!

So you could say that imagination was in part evolved to equip us with the unique ability to experience mind-blowing sex…and getting blown in the mind makes us even more imaginative, and so on – THIS ladies and gents, is what makes us human. (Another point to consider to further erase the brain-penis/mind-body dichotomy).

As a matter of fact, the physical act of having an orgasm is literally an explosion that goes on inside your head. fMRI scans indicates that your entire brain lights up, gets activated as blood rushes to your brain during orgasm, and it’s supposed to be a better “workout” than a crossword puzzle. Take that with a grain of salt, but the point is, your mind gets stimulated, fucked so hard that it gives birth to a new one (rebirth).

After you orgasm, you feel refreshed and at peace and a new state of mind is born.

I sworn by NOFAP for a while, but I think everything is about moderation, alteration, and deloading. I can feel creative and have new ideas after fapping just as much as during prolong periods of abstinent. The author Balzac did this too. He fapped like 1000 times during the course of writing a novel and would hold his dick on one hand and hold the pen in another and both would move furiously to the content of his mind.

I look at the process of cumming like the forming of scar tissues inside your body. When I think a lot and try to make mind gains, the imagination has to go all over the place to cover all kinds of thought spectrums. This includes darker and deeper areas where sexual thoughts reside. These thoughts accumulate like scar tissues in my brain, and they get stuck in my head and gets in the way of other ideas as time goes on. Like foam rolling or massaging your body, I must ejaculate these thoughts and transform that particular piece of my mind into the physical form of semen and letting it flow out of my body in a cleanse-like fashion.

I don’t know how many times I’ve starred at my own semen and think to myself “wow, that was my thought – a piece of my brain!” Needless to say, when girls swallow, they are actually eating a piece of your brain too, and that’s the most literal case of mindfuck there ever is and will be. I mean there are few things another person can do that is more accepting than swallowing a piece of somebody else’s thought. Not to mention those thoughts can be about other females LOL…I mean what guy hasn’t fantasized about other girls when they are getting some from their gf/wife?

If you have being following my logic so far, allow me to make one last point that could help you enhance orgasms through imagination.

I’ve been experimenting with imagining different things an formulating different mental pictures in my mind when during climax. My mind used to go blank when I orgasm, and I find it to be rather boring because every “blank” is indistinguishable from any other ones. The key here is to try to have an unique experience every time because no two experiences are the same. A lot of people think that orgasms are only in the feels. But for every type of feeling, there is an imaginative element coupled with it and vice versa. If you aren’t coupling the feelings of your orgasms with different mental images, then you are missing out.

I discovered this through cannabis .

Whenever I orgasm sober, I feel it in my dick more. But after I smoke, it feels like my brain is pulsating more and the orgasm is much more ‘in the mind’ and definitely feels better and sometimes it almost feels like a religious experience. I wonder if the latter feel is closer to how females experience orgasms. More mental and maybe even stronger and longer…definitely more abstract because theirs aren’t confined to materiality of semen, and thats why they can keep climaxing…from the void of infinite possibilities.

Some of my more memorable mental images during orgasms:

– I imagined myself as a unicyclist paddling on a lightwave at the speed of light. The more I climax, the higher I go and the faster my feet moves. I ascend all the way up to the ‘heavens’, and come back down to earth when the orgasm is over.

-Like Arnold who imagined his bicep as filling up the whole room during a curl, I imagined myself getting bigger and more muscular. My whole body goes through a instant bulk to infinite. Every muscle group blows up as fast as the big bang as my whole body and its musculature fills up the entire universe.

-My brain/penis is pulsating – with each contraction, a new brain/penis spits out from the old one, ad infinite. With each re-birth the brain/penis becomes smaller and smaller until it dissolved into nothingness.

What are some of your most imaginative thoughts you fap to?

ps. Sorry for the typo and grammar mistakes, I typed this on the train while being sandwiched by two old ladies with my iPhone 6.

People say our biggest fear is public speaking, but technically I think the biggest phobia human beings have is the “fear of other minds”. We are terrified of entering into or letting others enter our consciousness because each is equipped with its own reality with different set of beliefs and rules that might be very threatening to and different from our own. The more complex the consciousness, the scarier it seems to be (we are never self conscious in front of dogs or babies). But it’s also ironic that we are afraid of people with very aesthetic physical attributes, even though they might not be equipped with the most aesthetic minds.

Telekinesis. Telecommunication. A date where people don’t say a single word through out, instead we communicate through our phones – texting, taking pictures of each other and uploading them on Instagram, write on each other’s walls, etc is the future. 

Everyday that I wake up in the morning I experience a rush of euphoria of being in possession of the human brain. I jump out if bed as if I am about to test drive a high ended technology from an advanced alien civilization.

The Iphone6 is officially my first smart phone. Before this I refused to have Internet on my phone because I knew my mind wasn’t ready. After a year of meditation, I finally feel like I’m ready and it’s changing the way I think and live and create in a revolutionary, consciousness expanding, paradigm shifting kind of way. I feel like I was in a coma before this and when this phone switched on a part of my brain that I never knew existed woke up to a totally different dimension where I’m tripping on psychedelics 24 7. Even though using a smart phone can make you feel like you are trapped in your own world, I feel more connected to reality and people. I’m even giving out more love and compassion because the people inside your iPhone are just that much more aesthetic and they are all inside your head

#Steve #job said his goal was to put s ‘dent in the universe’. My ambition is not near as grand. I just want to put a dent in people’s minds. But if you are a Buddhist or a idealist, they are pretty much the same thing. I haven’t decided if they are yet.

This is my friend Lawrence’s son Leon@lawrence.dee When I’m around him my mind goes completely free. For instance, I was merely watching him sleep then this thought popped into my head like a flash of lightning: I cut his bladder open with my fingernails and urinated in there then I sewed it back up and he woke up and screamed “daddy daddy! I need to piss”! I would never think about doing this to an adult because his preconceived mental dispositions can really block my stream of consciousness. I think we should be around children more because they make you more creative. They are blank slates that are 100 percent receptive to you without judgements of consent. You can literally be yourself and splash your mind completely and violently onto their blank canvases. . Ps. I made a short film with him. check it out on my Vimeo account


A lengthy self analysis.

“I have spend most of my effort liberating myself from being an artist to being a human being”. – Takashi Murakmi.

I find it difficult to be both a human being and an effective artist. Sometimes it’s a give and take situations, a tug of war that can split your psyche. The I don’t give a fuck about the outside world I’m just gonna fuck with your head with what’s in mine and make and do what I please so I can be as expressive as I can’ attitude is often times the antithesis to the caring, thoughtful one of selfless compassion that makes up decency in a human being. While discussing the issue of “I”, my friend pointed out that it’s probably not possible to kill your ego and run a YouTube channel at the same time. Not like acting like a douche is an excuse for an artist, but I’m simply pointing to a condition that is often times true in and of itself.  A lot of artists just don’t have a state of mind to think about everyday objectives or have the right nerves to detect certain human emotions and needs.

I was reading Japanese author Haruki Murakami’s memoir which he mentioned that he had a personality that most people would dislike. He thinks the kind of human relationship he builds are abstract and conceptual – one that is between him and the faceless readers he writes to. He said it’s his duty as a writer to make these people happy and not to go out of his way to please the real, flesh and blood he encounters.

I too feel like there is a strong sense of relationship between me and my reader/viewer that often times takes over or overpowers the relationships I have with tangible people. Couple that with the fact that what I create are mostly the expression of certain (personal) impulses that can be disruptive in social situations. Most of my stuff is the kind that people watch alone in a dark room with their private thoughts and subconscious desires (rather than with friends or family or with the artist himself) The nature of both the content of my work and what it takes to create them makes it somewhat difficult for me to switch back and forth between normal, everyday mode of consciousness and various OTHER types beneath the surface.

Sometimes I get extremely confused around people that have only seen my videos but have just met me in real life and vice versa. Not to mention I employ different levels of my ‘selves’ in different videos. If you have only seen the 8000 calorie/miring gains videos you are going to act differently towards me than someone else who is more interested in my masturbating on the roof, Vimeo type videos. How should I act and think accordingly?  Who the fuck am I at any given moment?

(I was asked once how it effects my creative process and the type of videos I put out knowing that the people watching my videos are not physically present with me during the viewing process as opposed to someone who gives a concert or premieres a movie where there is a live audience to receive the work in real time and space. My answer was that it makes me more courageous to express my raw thoughts and emotions without filter and stick to subject matters that are more or less private.

This makes my creative process a lot more like a writer’s than anything else, which I find interesting. But the parallels end when you take into account the fact that you can’t make films or take photographs alone. You always have to work with other people to actualize your ideas, which makes the situation even more complicated when your ideas are entirely internal and subjected to your own source of desires that the people you work with might find disgusting and grotesque, yet nevertheless your viewers might enjoy or find inspiring precisely because they need such an impulsive release in their lives. Or worse, during the creating process your subconscious takes over and by acting according to instinct and intuition you piss off the people around you…yet it might be the only way you know how to bring your ideas to reality. Which side should you compensate? How do you find the balance?

I just want to throw this thought out there because it’s been on my mind. The struggle between being an artist and a real human being is a real one. Or perhaps it’s a necessary conflict and contradiction that sparks new ideas for any creative person. Perhaps it’s a route to insanity. But I think it’s both.

I posted this on Instagram and someone mentioned the “Hurt” video:

and asked me if it has something to do with what I’m talking about here.

My response:

The “Hurt” video expresses my struggle between the world of Vivian (which is also the world of my subconscious and my YT audience, where there is no judgement from the outside world so I can basically do whatever the fuck I want to do. And if you consider the fact that when I first met Vivian I only had 3000 subscribers. So we basically ‘built’ this world together from scratch. She was literally my mom in many cases, a base that forms around me so I can be as abstract as possible).   You can see that the video dances around the subject of the “Youtube Frank” and the “Real Frank”.

The 17 year old girl at the end of the video is the first glitch that penetrates that world, where for the first time I had a glimpse of the ‘real’ world.  She bridged the two worlds together since she also became a part of my audience, and now a part of my videos.   “Hurt” is my feel for the transition from one world to the next, and the people I encountered and had an effect on. I’m still in the process of that transition, which is made obvious by the in-between state of a lot of my recent videos and ideas which might seem blurry and confusing.   This is also why I am working so hard on getting shredded and hardening up my body so that I can feel more grounded.

There is also a 3rd world that both underlies and transcends the two worlds, which is the underground or netherworld of night clubs and one night stands.  The people in this world acknowledges neither of the two worlds on top. But one in a while I encounter people who are exceptions, such as when I talked to this girl outside of the club near Taipei 101 who had seen my videos and even mentioned Vivian and BBC in Chinese, which totally crushed my mind because different realities intercepted and created a black hole:

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I find snap chat to be both primitive and future because it’s a form of communication above and below the threshold of language. @brokkie and I used to chat on FB the old fashion way: by exchanging words. After I got my smart phone she made me download snap chat and we no longer “talk”. But in many sense I feel even more jail baited than ever due to this raw, pre/sub verbal way of communicating People who send snaps are expressing a state of mind or an emotion or an atmosphere. And like raw emotions that can’t be captured, it’s fleets and can be felt only once. It is almost telepathic and what brain to brain interface might feel like #snap #chat #seventeen


We are addicted to screens. My friend perry didn’t have a phone for the first week he was in Taiwan. I had my new iPhone and was looking at it 24 7 and I find him constantly staring over my shoulder. I told him to stop peaking at my private convo. he said he wasn’t, and that he just wanted to look at a screen. Even upon entering a new city like Bangkok (where this picture was taken) I find myself perceiving not the roads, the people, the shops, but I gravitates towards whatever screen I happen to come across while riding inside a taxi. I read a theory about us being attracted to screens because we are visual animals – that the pronounced movements, colors, and shapes inside screens are analogous to glittering snake skins and sprinting prey, and that we are evolved to gravitate intentionality towards these things. Maybe. Who knows. Maybe it’s true from a biological stand point. But phenomenologically, screens are not just the representation of the portal to another world, mind, time and space, but it is the representation of the virtual aka modern digital civilization. The closer you are to the heart of modernity (NYC for instance) the more screens you can bare witness. The further away (when you move towards the ghettos of NYC, African Safari) the less screens there are. It’s almost as if the ‘virtuals’ pile up on top of each other, becoming denser and more ‘real’ until eventually, with virtual reality becoming full blown, and we enter it completely. But keep in mind that the African Safari, (or anywhere else that’s perceived by anyone with or without an actual screen) nevertheless has a screen – the screen of the mind that gives rise to reality as perceived. In other words, the mind itself is a screen – the movie player inside your head that plays anything you imagine or sees is the most fundamental screen in your reality. We are now at a strange point in history where we are half way in between the real and the virtual. Once we enter virtual world completely there will be no need for screens. We will come full circle to singularity and be back at a primitive future where all is one screen.