self fulfillment isn’t an act of filling but an acting of emptying. It isn’t about slapping more concepts and labels on yourself. That is only going to create more fragmentation in the ego/self and move you further away from the Truth.

The ultimate way to find yourself is simply to let go and realize that you are nothing, just like everybody else and that all boundaries between people are illusions. Only then can you enter the fullness of the ‘void’ – the perfect nothingness that encompasses and gives rise to everything.


People say you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. It’s not about the looks, It’s all about the personality, what’s underneath, etc. but I think one has to go even deeper. it’s not even about the personality. 

Recently I’ve been trying to experience people’s core being, beyond what’s outside and inside. I couldn’t get a feel of it before because I couldn’t get in touch with mine own. But through meditation I’m slowly becoming more sensible to that void/sameness/nothingness where every individual person arises from (“soul”/pure cousciousness/Godhead etc). It’s hard. I still have judgements’ especially when I talk to people who are talking from their ego. It’s harder to let your guard down and deal with them from the core because your own ego starts to creep up as a result of self-defense. The best thing to do is just to catch it (simply becoming aware) early on like a frog catching a fly before things esculate too quickly.

Social anxiety arises from seperation. Even the people who are shy feel embarrased to talk to other people because they are too attachd to their ego and their presumed “personality “. Once we can talk to everyone as nothing more than a reflecting mirror, it would make socializing much easier because you start to treat and interact with everybody the same way.
Happy thanks giving everyone. This post is on mindful eating. I thought it would be a good time to post it. 

I’m cutting now and the carbs are getting lower and lower, and I’m beginning to feel the hunger. One thing to keep in mind is to eat with full awareness – eat consciously. 

Observe and witness every bite, taste every grain of rice, how you chew, how the food enters your stomach, how your stomach is digesting it, etc. Look at it. Observe closely all the colors and seasonings. Listen to it. It’s saying a lot more than just “fuck me, Eat me eat me”. Most people eat while talking, while watching tv, while using their phones. I’m always doing that too. No wonder I’m never fully satisfied. I wasn’t really eating. I was just swallowing substances without no meaning and I missed out on the whole experience. No wonder I’m still left with hunger. 

But I’m gonna try from now on to cover all my food with consciousness like the way Matt Damon put ketchup on all his Martian potatoes. Then I’ll need less food to satisfy my hunger. I’ll be full. Same with sex, and everything else in life really. Still hungry? Hold up a mirror (your consciousness) to your stomach and witness and be mindful of the sensation of hunger. Laugh at it like its a clown, then watch it dissolve into the void. Or visualize your digestive system and the formation of your poop and its texture. Eat it in your mind and that with awareness. Still hungry? Then fuck it and eat some fried chicken because you are not your body.

Hi everyone, hope you are all doing well. This is the only selfie I took in Europe. 

This painting, The School of Athens raised my initial interest in philosophy. It was done by Raphael, one of the big threes in the High Renaissance (Da Vinci, Michelangelo). Depicted was all the great Greek thinkers coming all together in one universe (Socrates, Zeno, Diogenes, Pythagoras, etc). The two men in the middle are Plato and Aristotle, with Plato pointing his finger up because he specialized in the heavens and abstract theories like the Platonic Forms. His pupil on the other hand focused his studies more on things of the earth, as he was one of the first person to classify plants and animals. Raphael based the entire looks of Plato on Leonardo Da Vinci. he even put himself in the painting amongst the philosophers, which I thought is meta and interesting. 

The Sistine chapel is in the next room, but I’ve always liked Raphael’s paintings more than Michelangelo’s because they are more elegant and feminine. Michelangelo was mainly a sculptor. He actually despised painting because he thought it was a lowly gesture to condense the 3 d into the 2 d. He was mad and offended when he was commissioned to paint the Sistine chapel. 

You could tell that he painted his figures as if they were sculptures. His paintings are sculptors’ painting and not a painter’s painting. And I think his figures have a hard time deciding whether they should reside in the 2 dimensional or the 3 dimensional realm. Where Raphael’s figures were perfectly happy to inhabit the flat land.
Michelangelo didn’t like Raphael because he was jelly of him. Raphael was young and handsome and got a lot of pussy. Michelangelo was gay, lonely, depressed and didn’t take bath.
When I first came across this painting I had no idea philosophers could look so bad ass. I wanted to try my best to look as cool as them so I took this selfie.
When I look at this painting I can’t help to think of one of those DC and Marvel posters where all the different super heroes from different comic books are depicted together in one single space. Except they were superheroes of the mind. #schoolofathens#kuntffffffff#

If you were to “personify” God he won’t have beard on his face. He’ll have a mirror. “The perfect person employs his mind like a mirror. It grabs nothing. Refuses nothing. It receives but does not keep”. BBCs is no longer the source of motivation. but from Laozu or the eastern tradition, the highest state of being is the slootiest vagina in the known universe. #feminemmind


What do my favorite endeavors; bodybuilding, meditation, masturbation and sprinting have in common ? They are all meta in nature and self sufficient/enclosed in One single system.
You use your body to build your body and making it stronger and faster. With meditation you are using the mind to think about, understand, and sharpen the mind. With masturbation even if you are fantasizing about a real girl it is still the (better, hopefully) version generated from your own brain. Self improvements that are in-of-and-for-itself, which can be done alone without depending on other people or environment or equipment like basketball or football or building a house or playing on a piano. Even something as simple as posting a status on FB still requires FB and shitload of other connectivities outside oneself. (i know you need weights but even when you pick up the dumbell and lifting it, you are still using your own body to lift itself,not to mention single legged squats and one hand push ups can be done even if you only have one limb). There’s something very comforting about this. a Wholeness kind of feel. You can be stuck on an island and still get shit done. In Here you can always be the master of your own universe.

Jeff Seid had hacked my mind once again.

in the near future bodybuilders get to wear body suits like powerlifters to increase strength in aesthetics and ego.

There are two types of suits, natty and non-natty. The non-Natty suits are more toxic and you could only wear it for 5 minutes until it’s toxicity starts to eat away your real flesh. So it’s a fast acting drug like nicotine or DMT where you can slip one on during lunch breaks and go on a quick ego trip while having a chat and maybe hit on some girls and then take it off. Natty suit is more permanent, and as long as you take care of it and maintain it like a car you can use and reuse it for years. 

I hopped on the hype and order a Jeff Seid suit on the deep web. I brought it to a movie date and went to the bathroom and quickly put one on during the trailers. I went out in full confidence and fucked the shit out of my date in the theater as fast as I could before the movie could start and then quickly slipped it off like a used condom and flushed it down the toilet. It felt good, but I didn’t even get to cum.


The desire to be secure and the feeling of insecurity is the same thing. The more you try to be secure the more insecure you become. You are way too large for your ego to worry about this. You are not put into the universe, but you are part of the universe’s ever-ongoing unfoldment. Most of our problems arise from this fragmented and dualistic thinking: you think you are either the light illuminating from inside you OR what could be seen through that illumination. The truth is, you are both. 


I like the idea of a spiritual/Zen bodybuilder. Lumps of hard muscles enclosed on nothingness: void of pure consciousness, sitting in the dark corner of the gym and meditating. It has no identity or pride…it doesn’t take selfies or flex at anybody, yet somehow it continues to lift and eat with utter efficiency under the most intense source of inner drive and motivation. It has no end physique goals but make infinite gains by staying in the present moment – one rep at a time. The zen slut described in the next post would be his ideal mate.

I also like the idea of a spiritual/Zen pornstar/slut/prostitute. Her perfect 10/10 ass houses pure consciousness, as she floats above it to meditate in the middle of the dance floor, night in and night out. Fully sober. Fully aware. Fully present. She doesn’t need to dance or act flirtatious, since men automatically get sucked into her bottomless void. She is the perfect cum bucket because she is completely empty but fully receptive. She feels no pride or disgust because she realizes the ego and the body to be illusions and witnesses her actions from a distance without judgement. She is not controlled by animal desires, yet she continuously engages in the most hardcore of sex acts, driven by deep seated source of bliss, compassion and selfless love. The zen bodybuilder described in the previous post would be her ideal mate.

Someone asked me today what I think of Sasha Grey, the famed pornstar known for over the top hard core almost to the point of snuff films. I thought that was an interesting question. While I don’t like or dislike her, In some ways I can almost relate to her. Or you can say I feel for her. 

She goes balls out, exposing her body and pushing the envelope for what she believes to be her “art”, justifying her actions with 2deep4u quotes from the likes of Heidegger and Godard. Whether it works or not or if you agree with her is besides the point. People talk shit about her, but they probably wack off to her anyway. Her family probably wants nothing to do with her. And she tries desperately to prove to other people she is more than the sum of her flesh by writing poetry and appearing in arthouse films.
Some people call my videos ‘mind-porn’, aside from the obvious connotations with ‘mindfucking’ and the way I talk about sexuality and having sex with ideas, they are something that they consume alone and privately. They don’t talk about them or share them with friends or family. While I do expose my body, it’s mainly my mind/soul that I’m bearing naked to invite people to enter and penetrate as deeply as possible (and vice versa), to express myself while providing entertainment for the selected few. This makes the core of my being vulnerably exposed. A lot of people in real life – strangers, my family members (especially after my episodes in the Taiwanese media) even friends or acquaintances who aren’t particularly amused by or ‘get’ my videos look at me with judgmental, incriminating eyes. #rainbow#blow#thoughtcrime#50shadesofgrey#mentalcum#teens#spankwire