For the first time in my life, I actually enjoy (the process) of lifting weights.

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For most of my life, I lift with a goal in mind – a number (bench,squat,VJ) an image (who or what I want to look like). Or what kind of girls I want to bang. This goal oriented approach took most of the pleasure off of lifting weights. During this “bulk” I’m putting on weights very slowly. 0.2 lbs a week so far and I’m Ok with this because I’m already quite satisfied with the way my body is looking. I don’t have to train to build that body 10 years down the road, I can just make small adjustment on the same body.

The fat I put on during my previous bulking phases is symptoms of impatience and the inability to stay in the here and now. The fat cells are the material manifestation a kind of memory that is connected to the future; the desire to look like x in y years. Now I can focus on the present moment, and each rep and muscle contraction is more pure and concentrated since it’s not infused and filtered with desire or time; It is in-and-of itself perfect and self sufficient. Without mental-emotional garbage getting in the way the mind-muscle connection is much more clean and efficient. Hopefully this will only result in more stimulation for growth.

What’s more important to me now is the phenomenological aspect of bodybuilding.How the fluctuating sensations of lifting weights feel like from the inside moment by moment instead of how it is visually and statically distributed in the space outside. Meditation has taught me that inner subjective experience is in some ways more “real” than the presupposed objective reality of appearances.

I guess I’m just not as attached to my body as used to be. I look at my body as a virtual spacesuit that I slide on so I can lucid dream more smoothly in this thing we call reality. It’s also pretty handy when I meet female humans who have holes on their suits so I can stick mine in there whenever I need to pee or pump gas. But the main purpose for the suit is to establish connection with people who still believe in the separate self and the solidity of body parts or the contour around the body. Cliff: You never been inside a body. The body has always been inside You.

Usain Bolt just took me on a trip down the memory lane by winning another gold medal…
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When I was in my early teens I bought a treadmill and put it in my basement. I’ve always been obsessed with speed.
There is something essential and pure about speed. It was a clean, objective, and no bull-shit way to measure human development and potentiality. Cheetah was my favorite animal. The Flash was my favorite Superhero.

I would watch the Olympics recorded on video cassettes and re-play over and over again the 100 meter dash finals. This was where I first learned about mirror neurons and the importance of visualization in sports. By watching the sprinters run for the gold medal while I run on the treadmill, I was able work my way up to its maximum speed.

The average sprinter takes 4 to 4.5 steps per second, and I would try to match the quickness of their foot-strikes on the treadmill. At first I could only hit 3, but eventually I could get up to 8! (quick midget steps though). I started having delusions of grandeur and thought that I had a real shot at winning the Olympics Gold medal.

I thought I was making massive speed gains until we had to run the 100 meter dash during PE class. I came in second to last despite the fact that my wheels were turning faster than all the other kids. Reality hit hard. I was depressed. For the first time I experienced a discrepancy between real-life and fantasy; I was stuck in Simulation Treadmill.

See, speed isn’t just about how fast you can move your legs (turn over rate) but how long each strides are with the latter being the more important factor.

After the realization that my legs are way too short to ever become a world class sprinter, I began to lift weights. If I can’t run like them, at least I could look the part. I didn’t look up to any bodybuilders for inspirations because I didn’t care about form, only abstract and inner qualities. You could say what speed was to the body is what mind is to the brain. In a way, I was trying to make up for the lack of functionality by directly imitating its physical manifestation. In a way I succeeded. I sculpted my physique to look almost exactly like a sprinter, and semi-restored my self-esteem. My new muscular vessel had become my new simulation.

Until Usain Bolt came on the scene.

Here comes an artificial entity from the future to speed up human kind’s inevitable progression towards Singularity. He ran times that were presumed to be impossible even decades down the road.

His legs are so long that he never needed to take more than a couple of steps to complete the entire race. He appeared “slow”, but in essence he was the fastest man in history. Once again the foundation of my being was shaken. My beliefs about reality were shattered. And my ego was bruised. Not only could I never run as fast as the fastest man alive, I could never look like one either.

His body looks nothing like the sprinters in past generations, whose bodies I aimed to emulate to produce the perceptual illusion of speed. I never wanted to grow beyond 5’10 and 170 lbs because almost all the elite sprinters back then were built around this range. The mere thought of Bolt’s 6’5 frame and lanky limbs made me feel nauseated.

It wasn’t until recent years that this deep-seated trauma was completely healed through meditation. My obsession with speed as the ultimate measuring stick for human potentiality has been shifted to ‘levels of consciousness’. And I realized I should accept Bolt what he stands for. His one of its kind, unique physical aesthetics as a sprinter and his mind-fuckery speed is exactly the type of non-conformist gesture that we see in unconventional and innovative thinking that broke through old paradigms.

Bolt opened up a new dimension and single handedly collapsed the pre-established harmony between past and future, form and function. He is not just a bolt of lightening, but the embodiment of Enlightenment itself. By watching him sprint, one experiences a sudden shift in perception followed by a new Insight into the nature of another reality.

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Q: interested to know how you found the Goenka method of body scanning during the silent meditation retreat, especially with your lifting/athletic background.


I’ve been making some of the best gains in recent memory ever since I started doing the Vipassana meditation. The technique is very physical. And it’s the most direct method of training the mind-muscle connection man kind has ever discovered. Before practicing this method, despite the countless hours of lifting in the gym, there was still a large distance between my muscles and my brain. And now the distance is almost indistinguishable. During meditation, there are moments when I feel like my brain is completely glued to my qlutes when I’m scanning it.


(For those who aren’t familiar, the technique asks you to scan your body – from the top of your head to your toes until every muscle, every cell, and eventually every atom in your body breaks down into a field of vibrating sensations. When you get to this non-dualistic stage of inner perception, your body, mind, and reality becomes indistinguishable).

Also, ever since I got back from the meditation retreat, everything looks like light flickering on a flat TV screen and everyone seemed like actors reciting lines from a soap opera. Books, movies and music, no longer stimulate me. The only thing that mimics the density of silence and the intensity of meditating 14 hours a day is lifting weights, and the raw sensation of muscle fibers contradicting is one of the only experience that seems real and tangible.

Ps. In the process of editing the video about the silent meditation retreat. I’m trying to build a miniature, plastic model of the entire experience. But attempting to fit something like this inside a YouTube video is like putting a T. rex on a leash, walk it through the eye of a needle and then using it to sew together a squat suit.

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I’m entertaining the idea that death is Truth, and life is lie. Life is the disease that infects that perfect nothingness of death. Life is a rare accident that shouldn’t have been, but Death just IS. Developing cures for diseases is the ultimate crime against the great equilibrium; Doctors, researchers and pregnant women are put behind bars. Subconsciously we know this, and this intuitive knowledge is manifested in our boner for death.

Zombies, violent films, video games, rubber necking, and going to church. Attaining liberation is a form of (spiritual) suicide. Meditation and yoga are fancy acrobatics we perform before jumping straight into our inner black hole. The great sages have the courage to kill their egos, but are still too attached to get rid of life.

If the Unconscious is Divine consciousness, then the subconscious has more intelligence than consciousness. When the conscious brain is taking a nap, it sneaks out the back door to look for any possibility of a loop hole that would lead us to behaviors of self-destruction. We get drunk and take drugs so we can relax into the unconscious. We get a rush by flirting with death when we go sky diving and bungee jumping. We celebrate birthdays and Christmas because each year brings us closer to the place we came from.

If death is the climax of life, then when we can’t have the real thing, we settle for the next best thing. Osho said orgasm is our first meditative state. In French, orgasm means mini-death. Orgasms feel good because they are empty, thought free zones. When a girl asks you to fuck her, what she really wants is for you to stab her so she can roll her eyes back and die for 15 seconds. When she screams for God, she’s asking for death. The beginning of all things is the same as the end. The vagina is a portal we all sit by to get a sneak peak into eternity. What masturbation is to sex is what sex is to death – a poor man’s substitute for the Real. Freud said we have 2 drives. Ultimately, we only have One.

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I’m entertaining the idea that death is Truth, and life is lie. Life is the disease that infects that perfect nothingness of death. Life is a rare accident that shouldn’t have been, but Death just IS. Developing cures for diseases is the ultimate crime against the great equilibrium; Doctors, researchers and pregnant women are put behind bars. Subconsciously we know this, and this intuitive knowledge is manifested in our boner for death.

Zombies, violent films, video games, rubber necking, and going to church. Attaining liberation is a form of (spiritual) suicide. Meditation and yoga are fancy acrobatics we perform before jumping straight into our inner black hole. The great sages have the courage to kill their egos, but are still too attached to get rid of life.

If the Unconscious is Divine consciousness, then the subconscious has more intelligence than consciousness. When the conscious brain is taking a nap, it sneaks out the back door to look for any possibility of a loop hole that would lead us to behaviors of self-destruction. We get drunk and take drugs so we can relax into the unconscious. We get a rush by flirting with death when we go sky diving and bungee jumping. We celebrate birthdays and Christmas because each year brings us closer to the place we came from.

If death is the climax of life, then when we can’t have the real thing, we settle for the next best thing. Osho said orgasm is our first meditative state. In French, orgasm means mini-death. Orgasms feel good because they are empty, thought free zones. When a girl asks you to fuck her, what she really wants is for you to stab her so she can roll her eyes back and die for 15 seconds. When she screams for God, she’s asking for death. The beginning of all things is the same as the end. The vagina is a portal we all sit by to get a sneak peak into eternity. What masturbation is to sex is what sex is to death – a poor man’s substitute for the Real. Freud said we have 2 drives. Ultimately, we only have One.

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While many people apply the ‘lesser of two evils’ attitude to this year’s election, try thinking of them as catalysts for the simulation to become self-aware. Maybe they are the equations to build the most aesthetic hologram in the know universe. How they got to be where they are seem so bizarre, and their characters so cartoonish that it’s hard not to think this is all happening in the stuff of dreams.

At best, they serve as an alarm clock for people to start waking up and thinking for themselves. Meditation and spiritual practices are becoming trendy. In my prediction, it’s going to be as popular as bodybuilding in the next 5 decades. Perhaps the worldwide global spiritual awakening that’s taking place is the collective and organic response to the (materialism of) Kim Kardashian’s sex tape and danbilzerian’s Instagram account.

I can only speak from personal experience. I first turned into meditation to cure my sex addiction and manic depression (which are all gone by the way). The bigger and denser my muscles become, the more I feel the gravitational pull to sit down and meditate in order to “meet my other end” through the process of expansion and contraction.

If Hegel was right, that The Zeitgeist (“spirit of the age”) evolves in a dialectical fashion where (1) a beginning proposition called a thesis, (2) a negation of that thesis called the antithesis, and (3) a synthesis whereby the two conflicting ideas are reconciled to form a new proposition, then It’s easier on the CNS to look at a situation from the broader, non-dual perspective. There’s always going to be dramas before anything is changed. So just sit back and watch everything unfold as it should. The universe never makes a mistake.

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Screw your peace of mind.

A lot of people think having a quiet mind is the bedrock of spirituality and self-development. But from a certain perspective, this could be a misconception. It might be a good sales pitch for stressed Americans to buy spiritual self-help books and pay thousands of dollars to go on meditation retreats that promise to bring you “peace and happiness”… But it doesn’t necessarily leads you to ‘Truth’

People might master the techniques and the skills of concentration, stillness of the mind, and feel blissed out and tranquil. But once they get out of their meditation sessions or when they leave the retreat, they realized that the peace of mind they found was mechanical and static. An artificial vacuum you manufactured or a plastic bag you put over your head. It’s unsustainable and un-pragmatic when you go out into the real world.

Being good at meditating is kind of like being strong at a powerlifting meet, yet losing every bar fight you encounter because your strength is self-contained and non-functional. True silence is a kind of bouncy awareness, a spontaneous unfoldment that moves and dances with, and not without the world. Not saying retreats and sitting meditation are a waste of time. But once you’ve completed the 12 week Smolov program, it’s time for some for you to pick some fights and do some parkour.

When you discriminate against “noise” or define silence through its opposition you are creating duality. Slapping labels on certain sensations and vibrations, you are creating separateness. And hence, more noise! Silence is about getting rid of the separation between yourself and everything else. When your mind becomes the perfect container with mirrors on all sides, you become the infinite capacity, the cosmic vagina to receive all there is. When you hear a loud police siren, you will not be agitated by it because there is no space of resistance. At that moment you ARE the siren.

Another reason why quieting the mind can be detrimental to spiritual progress is because the mind is the best weapon against all the lies and conditionings that you have accumulated since birth. You literally have to think your way to Truth. And your mind is the sharpest knife you have to cut away illusions, beliefs and false identities until you are left with nothing, which is what you really are. Silencing the mind can be a cop out – like taking Xanax to momentarily escape your problems.

I look at spirituality as a type of surgery, or a civil war between mind and Mind. It’s a project of demolition and self-destruction. It’s violent, painful and can cause severe mental breakdowns. You literally have to smash your brain to pieces to reveal the inner light. In my mind, embodiment of a spiritual master isn’t someone like Osho or Echart Tolle, with their sparkling eyes, soft and slow ways of talking to make you feel warm and cozy. They seem to be more interested in playing the role of a spiritual teacher than making people question everything. Characters with no real motives or identities like Joker and Tyler Durden, or the shape shifting ghost from the movie “It Follows” are much better embodiment of the spiritual process.

Many mainstream spiritual teachers advocate heart-based approach – selling love, compassion, and trance when these things are only the by-products of spirituality and not the end result. They are like cookies and Molly thrown at you from the sky – little rewards or post signs to measure your progress on the path, but getting attached to them might just get you stuck in the pit.

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3 years ago, right about the time I first discovered Jeff Seid’s videos, I invited a girl over for a dinner date. I cooked chickens, meticulously weighed my food and counted the macros. She became impatient and judgmental. I got mad and slid her throat with my spoon, cooked her flesh and ate it with my next date. She was impressed with the food and my new muscle gains so we had sex an hour after our meal. Then I killed her too, cut up her flesh to look like cookies, baked them and fed her to my next date. By then I’ve made considerable gains in both physique and culinary art. As a result, I fucked the next girl in 30 minutes. This cycle went on until I became so aesthetic that I could fuck any girl I wanted without needing to cook for her. Eventually, there was no need for me to even eat or lift. When the final girl came I was frozen. There were no thoughts in my head, no feels in my heart and no jizz in my balls. I became as monumental as bronze, older than the eternal prophecies of pyramids. I had completed my transformation to look like Jeff Seid.
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I got extremely sick the past couple of days. Stomach virus of some sort. I must have thrown up more than 30 times within the last 25 hours. I threw up food first, then stomach acid. By the end of the night, I was vomiting air bubbles the size of a stability ball just to have a glimpse of enlightenment.

I started hallucinating the idea of an inverse/drug in the midst of my diarrhea binge. It’s a kind of (negative) drug that illicit suffering. When you take it, your body induces effects of life threatening illnesses without the actual damage. The “high”/benefit you get is the healthy state of being that you return to afterward. If you want to have to the best day of your life tomorrow, take the AIDS inducing pill. If you just want your Monday to not suck, take the flu pill Sunday night. If you want to be excited about fucking your ugly wife again, take the testicular cancer pill instead of viagra.
It’s during the time of illness that you really begin to appreciate the healthy state of being that you usually take for granted. You really don’t know what peak experience your normal state of consciousness is. When ill, flashes of the most mundane, even despairing moments in life seem significant and euphoric. Effects of drugs are relative to the relative state of existence and experience. Advil is suddenly more powerfully than Molly or meth. Give a starving kid in Africa your left over drumstick, his body would absorb it like Phil Heath’s last steroid injection.

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Alternative view on Introvert vs Extrovert.

I usually don’t use these labels because I think psychological states are always fluctuating within a dynamic spectrum. But all the online tests I’ve taken for lol indicate that I’m an introvert.

But whenever I tell people I’m an introvert, they’ll say, but you’re a pretty social guy; you have sex and play the violin on the street, share a drink of water with Ronnie Coleman, etc. Ironically, I think in these situations I’m actually more inverted/internal than when I’m masturbating alone in my room. I went out with RSDtyler once and he said I was so unaware of my surrounding that it works to my advantage in pick ups.

I think the more intense the social interactions, the more I retrieve into my own world, and the more I manifest the belief that the characters that I’m interacting with are created entirely by my own brain. This is why I don’t get embarrassed. Fear of public speaking and rejection is only the by products of the biggest fear known to mankind – the fear of other minds. When no Others exist in your reality, you’ll have nothing to fear.

When you are introverted to the maximum degree, you end up contracting, absorbing and internalizing the external world, you end up becoming an ‘extrovert’. Likewise, when you are so extroverted that you expand and flip the self completely inside out, you become an ‘introvert’. Both process yields the exact same result – the dichotomy between inside/outside, intro/extrovert is erased. I’m hallucinating that this is a glimpse into what spiritual masters refer to as Mystical Union or non-dual awareness.

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A: I was at Reddit, under the meditation forums and reading different responses from people talking about their awakening experiences, and there’s this one guy that I sensed who just had a totally different energy (like it’s written from a very distinct dimension than the rest of the guys who were basically writing about the same things).
B: Yea I think that’s pretty detectable.
A: I feel like I can feel out the “pure” spirituality or dharma now
B: I couldn’t detect this before.
A: has a really distinct flavor.
B: Different texture
A: I think I’ve been able to detect it for a long time, I felt like recoiling away from those who didn’t have it and felt like “that’s not it”
A: But it was definitely trial and error before finding people who expounded it in a really pure way.
B: I used to detect talent from artists and musicians and I think it’s a bit similar. Some musicians just have that extra spark. Or when you look at a painting you can sense the artist’s pure talent in their brushstrokes vs someone who’s more technical or got to where they are from a lot of practice rather than from a dimension of spontaneity or raw talent. It’s inexplicable, and subtle.
A: Yea I’m sure there’s some flavour of attunement with art too.
B:I also feel it in sometimes spontaneity when speaking in conversation.
VS those who are going through the motions or relying on memory or systemization.
A: Or writing, even athletics. Some basketball players’ movements are more fluid and in the moment. Maybe they make more mistakes and turn the ball over more, but it’s more fun to watch them.
B:There is definitely a “truer” way of moving.
A: Closer to the “center”
B: Around enlightened dudes like Tony Parson. Even if you were only watching their body, there’s definitely a sense of really natural movement, smoothness and lacking any hesitation, just straight out of that centre you refer to in a really undiluted way. It kind of cuts the air like a blade, even if they’re just doing something like shuffling in their seat. It punctuates empty space in a really evocative way
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Rich Piana is the perfect embodiment of a new breed of celebrity in the digital technology epoch. A shadow mutation of mainstream celebrity. A self-created Frankenstein of the social media age. Discarding, or unable to fit inside the standard mold of conventional social and entertainment establishments, he decided to take matter into his own hand and 3D print himself to create a silicon model of Rich Piana, along with accessory gadgets like supplements and tank-tops, and mostly importantly, freedom.
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I’m not sure if she’s a ghost without a body or a body without a ghost, but she’s so pure and transparent, it’s like she’s barely even there… This is why I like being with her; she makes me feel like I’m all by myself. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just a figment of her imagination. Having sex with her makes me feel as if I’m just fapping to my favorite porn DVD. #ghost#vacantface#polishgirl #void#positivevibes #d #thetransparencyofevil #emptinessdancing
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aybe Buddha wasn’t a just neuroscientist, but an alien. Maybe he was sent to earth to perform phenomenological experiments on our inner subjectivity and to procreate alien-human hybrids. Terrance McKenna said psilocybin mushrooms were planted by extraterrestrials as a way of communication. Tripping on mushrooms was a way for mortal humans to have a taste of what it feels like to be a space-being; a sneak peak into the mind of a super intelligent entity. By the same token, meditation serves as a tool to sharpen or restructure, and ultimately realign our brain-as-antenna to receive higher dimension frequencies. Or, like the film Arrival, a way to “download” their language. Once received and learned, humans acquire an expansive awareness far exceeds its original horizon. Awakenings, or Mystical Unions are peak experiences of being fucked not by gods, but by aliens, and to “migrate”, not to a distant planet, but to the inner plane of non-duality Enlightenment Beings, Sages and Mystics through out history are just fancy ways to label the product of this alien/human hybrid.
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I think all suffering comes down to perceiving anything – self, emotions, bodies, time/space as solid. When I was sitting today I felt sensations manifested as time, moving across space moment after moment. Like when you watch sound waves moving across the computer screen while you listen to music. If you can translate the self into a more accurate description of what it actually is, it would look like the heartbeat monitor device. Each nano sensation is in a different place, even standing perfectly still and in the same spot, you are being perpetually carried alongside a river, morphing with and dissolving into any other sensations you perceive – sounds, thoughts, thighs, feelings. Thoughts always turning into things into rivers and heartbeats and music and they are all just sensations. I think we spend a huge amount of effort trying to hold on to a fixed and solidify identity – to encapsulate this ever expansive flow with a name, a word, a concept, when in reality, the sensations that seemed to constitute “you” a few moments ago is gone forever.
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