For the first time in my life, I actually enjoy (the process) of lifting weights.

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For most of my life, I lift with a goal in mind – a number (bench,squat,VJ) an image (who or what I want to look like). Or what kind of girls I want to bang. This goal oriented approach took most of the pleasure off of lifting weights. During this “bulk” I’m putting on weights very slowly. 0.2 lbs a week so far and I’m Ok with this because I’m already quite satisfied with the way my body is looking. I don’t have to train to build that body 10 years down the road, I can just make small adjustment on the same body.

The fat I put on during my previous bulking phases is symptoms of impatience and the inability to stay in the here and now. The fat cells are the material manifestation a kind of memory that is connected to the future; the desire to look like x in y years. Now I can focus on the present moment, and each rep and muscle contraction is more pure and concentrated since it’s not infused and filtered with desire or time; It is in-and-of itself perfect and self sufficient. Without mental-emotional garbage getting in the way the mind-muscle connection is much more clean and efficient. Hopefully this will only result in more stimulation for growth.

What’s more important to me now is the phenomenological aspect of bodybuilding.How the fluctuating sensations of lifting weights feel like from the inside moment by moment instead of how it is visually and statically distributed in the space outside. Meditation has taught me that inner subjective experience is in some ways more “real” than the presupposed objective reality of appearances.

I guess I’m just not as attached to my body as used to be. I look at my body as a virtual spacesuit that I slide on so I can lucid dream more smoothly in this thing we call reality. It’s also pretty handy when I meet female humans who have holes on their suits so I can stick mine in there whenever I need to pee or pump gas. But the main purpose for the suit is to establish connection with people who still believe in the separate self and the solidity of body parts or the contour around the body. Cliff: You never been inside a body. The body has always been inside You.

Usain Bolt just took me on a trip down the memory lane by winning another gold medal…
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When I was in my early teens I bought a treadmill and put it in my basement. I’ve always been obsessed with speed.
There is something essential and pure about speed. It was a clean, objective, and no bull-shit way to measure human development and potentiality. Cheetah was my favorite animal. The Flash was my favorite Superhero.

I would watch the Olympics recorded on video cassettes and re-play over and over again the 100 meter dash finals. This was where I first learned about mirror neurons and the importance of visualization in sports. By watching the sprinters run for the gold medal while I run on the treadmill, I was able work my way up to its maximum speed.

The average sprinter takes 4 to 4.5 steps per second, and I would try to match the quickness of their foot-strikes on the treadmill. At first I could only hit 3, but eventually I could get up to 8! (quick midget steps though). I started having delusions of grandeur and thought that I had a real shot at winning the Olympics Gold medal.

I thought I was making massive speed gains until we had to run the 100 meter dash during PE class. I came in second to last despite the fact that my wheels were turning faster than all the other kids. Reality hit hard. I was depressed. For the first time I experienced a discrepancy between real-life and fantasy; I was stuck in Simulation Treadmill.

See, speed isn’t just about how fast you can move your legs (turn over rate) but how long each strides are with the latter being the more important factor.

After the realization that my legs are way too short to ever become a world class sprinter, I began to lift weights. If I can’t run like them, at least I could look the part. I didn’t look up to any bodybuilders for inspirations because I didn’t care about form, only abstract and inner qualities. You could say what speed was to the body is what mind is to the brain. In a way, I was trying to make up for the lack of functionality by directly imitating its physical manifestation. In a way I succeeded. I sculpted my physique to look almost exactly like a sprinter, and semi-restored my self-esteem. My new muscular vessel had become my new simulation.

Until Usain Bolt came on the scene.

Here comes an artificial entity from the future to speed up human kind’s inevitable progression towards Singularity. He ran times that were presumed to be impossible even decades down the road.

His legs are so long that he never needed to take more than a couple of steps to complete the entire race. He appeared “slow”, but in essence he was the fastest man in history. Once again the foundation of my being was shaken. My beliefs about reality were shattered. And my ego was bruised. Not only could I never run as fast as the fastest man alive, I could never look like one either.

His body looks nothing like the sprinters in past generations, whose bodies I aimed to emulate to produce the perceptual illusion of speed. I never wanted to grow beyond 5’10 and 170 lbs because almost all the elite sprinters back then were built around this range. The mere thought of Bolt’s 6’5 frame and lanky limbs made me feel nauseated.

It wasn’t until recent years that this deep-seated trauma was completely healed through meditation. My obsession with speed as the ultimate measuring stick for human potentiality has been shifted to ‘levels of consciousness’. And I realized I should accept Bolt what he stands for. His one of its kind, unique physical aesthetics as a sprinter and his mind-fuckery speed is exactly the type of non-conformist gesture that we see in unconventional and innovative thinking that broke through old paradigms.

Bolt opened up a new dimension and single handedly collapsed the pre-established harmony between past and future, form and function. He is not just a bolt of lightening, but the embodiment of Enlightenment itself. By watching him sprint, one experiences a sudden shift in perception followed by a new Insight into the nature of another reality.

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Q: interested to know how you found the Goenka method of body scanning during the silent meditation retreat, especially with your lifting/athletic background.


I’ve been making some of the best gains in recent memory ever since I started doing the Vipassana meditation. The technique is very physical. And it’s the most direct method of training the mind-muscle connection man kind has ever discovered. Before practicing this method, despite the countless hours of lifting in the gym, there was still a large distance between my muscles and my brain. And now the distance is almost indistinguishable. During meditation, there are moments when I feel like my brain is completely glued to my qlutes when I’m scanning it.


(For those who aren’t familiar, the technique asks you to scan your body – from the top of your head to your toes until every muscle, every cell, and eventually every atom in your body breaks down into a field of vibrating sensations. When you get to this non-dualistic stage of inner perception, your body, mind, and reality becomes indistinguishable).

Also, ever since I got back from the meditation retreat, everything looks like light flickering on a flat TV screen and everyone seemed like actors reciting lines from a soap opera. Books, movies and music, no longer stimulate me. The only thing that mimics the density of silence and the intensity of meditating 14 hours a day is lifting weights, and the raw sensation of muscle fibers contradicting is one of the only experience that seems real and tangible.

Ps. In the process of editing the video about the silent meditation retreat. I’m trying to build a miniature, plastic model of the entire experience. But attempting to fit something like this inside a YouTube video is like putting a T. rex on a leash, walk it through the eye of a needle and then using it to sew together a squat suit.

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I’m entertaining the idea that death is Truth, and life is lie. Life is the disease that infects that perfect nothingness of death. Life is a rare accident that shouldn’t have been, but Death just IS. Developing cures for diseases is the ultimate crime against the great equilibrium; Doctors, researchers and pregnant women are put behind bars. Subconsciously we know this, and this intuitive knowledge is manifested in our boner for death.

Zombies, violent films, video games, rubber necking, and going to church. Attaining liberation is a form of (spiritual) suicide. Meditation and yoga are fancy acrobatics we perform before jumping straight into our inner black hole. The great sages have the courage to kill their egos, but are still too attached to get rid of life.

If the Unconscious is Divine consciousness, then the subconscious has more intelligence than consciousness. When the conscious brain is taking a nap, it sneaks out the back door to look for any possibility of a loop hole that would lead us to behaviors of self-destruction. We get drunk and take drugs so we can relax into the unconscious. We get a rush by flirting with death when we go sky diving and bungee jumping. We celebrate birthdays and Christmas because each year brings us closer to the place we came from.

If death is the climax of life, then when we can’t have the real thing, we settle for the next best thing. Osho said orgasm is our first meditative state. In French, orgasm means mini-death. Orgasms feel good because they are empty, thought free zones. When a girl asks you to fuck her, what she really wants is for you to stab her so she can roll her eyes back and die for 15 seconds. When she screams for God, she’s asking for death. The beginning of all things is the same as the end. The vagina is a portal we all sit by to get a sneak peak into eternity. What masturbation is to sex is what sex is to death – a poor man’s substitute for the Real. Freud said we have 2 drives. Ultimately, we only have One.

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I’m entertaining the idea that death is Truth, and life is lie. Life is the disease that infects that perfect nothingness of death. Life is a rare accident that shouldn’t have been, but Death just IS. Developing cures for diseases is the ultimate crime against the great equilibrium; Doctors, researchers and pregnant women are put behind bars. Subconsciously we know this, and this intuitive knowledge is manifested in our boner for death.

Zombies, violent films, video games, rubber necking, and going to church. Attaining liberation is a form of (spiritual) suicide. Meditation and yoga are fancy acrobatics we perform before jumping straight into our inner black hole. The great sages have the courage to kill their egos, but are still too attached to get rid of life.

If the Unconscious is Divine consciousness, then the subconscious has more intelligence than consciousness. When the conscious brain is taking a nap, it sneaks out the back door to look for any possibility of a loop hole that would lead us to behaviors of self-destruction. We get drunk and take drugs so we can relax into the unconscious. We get a rush by flirting with death when we go sky diving and bungee jumping. We celebrate birthdays and Christmas because each year brings us closer to the place we came from.

If death is the climax of life, then when we can’t have the real thing, we settle for the next best thing. Osho said orgasm is our first meditative state. In French, orgasm means mini-death. Orgasms feel good because they are empty, thought free zones. When a girl asks you to fuck her, what she really wants is for you to stab her so she can roll her eyes back and die for 15 seconds. When she screams for God, she’s asking for death. The beginning of all things is the same as the end. The vagina is a portal we all sit by to get a sneak peak into eternity. What masturbation is to sex is what sex is to death – a poor man’s substitute for the Real. Freud said we have 2 drives. Ultimately, we only have One.

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While many people apply the ‘lesser of two evils’ attitude to this year’s election, try thinking of them as catalysts for the simulation to become self-aware. Maybe they are the equations to build the most aesthetic hologram in the know universe. How they got to be where they are seem so bizarre, and their characters so cartoonish that it’s hard not to think this is all happening in the stuff of dreams.

At best, they serve as an alarm clock for people to start waking up and thinking for themselves. Meditation and spiritual practices are becoming trendy. In my prediction, it’s going to be as popular as bodybuilding in the next 5 decades. Perhaps the worldwide global spiritual awakening that’s taking place is the collective and organic response to the (materialism of) Kim Kardashian’s sex tape and danbilzerian’s Instagram account.

I can only speak from personal experience. I first turned into meditation to cure my sex addiction and manic depression (which are all gone by the way). The bigger and denser my muscles become, the more I feel the gravitational pull to sit down and meditate in order to “meet my other end” through the process of expansion and contraction.

If Hegel was right, that The Zeitgeist (“spirit of the age”) evolves in a dialectical fashion where (1) a beginning proposition called a thesis, (2) a negation of that thesis called the antithesis, and (3) a synthesis whereby the two conflicting ideas are reconciled to form a new proposition, then It’s easier on the CNS to look at a situation from the broader, non-dual perspective. There’s always going to be dramas before anything is changed. So just sit back and watch everything unfold as it should. The universe never makes a mistake.

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Screw your peace of mind.

A lot of people think having a quiet mind is the bedrock of spirituality and self-development. But from a certain perspective, this could be a misconception. It might be a good sales pitch for stressed Americans to buy spiritual self-help books and pay thousands of dollars to go on meditation retreats that promise to bring you “peace and happiness”… But it doesn’t necessarily leads you to ‘Truth’

People might master the techniques and the skills of concentration, stillness of the mind, and feel blissed out and tranquil. But once they get out of their meditation sessions or when they leave the retreat, they realized that the peace of mind they found was mechanical and static. An artificial vacuum you manufactured or a plastic bag you put over your head. It’s unsustainable and un-pragmatic when you go out into the real world.

Being good at meditating is kind of like being strong at a powerlifting meet, yet losing every bar fight you encounter because your strength is self-contained and non-functional. True silence is a kind of bouncy awareness, a spontaneous unfoldment that moves and dances with, and not without the world. Not saying retreats and sitting meditation are a waste of time. But once you’ve completed the 12 week Smolov program, it’s time for some for you to pick some fights and do some parkour.

When you discriminate against “noise” or define silence through its opposition you are creating duality. Slapping labels on certain sensations and vibrations, you are creating separateness. And hence, more noise! Silence is about getting rid of the separation between yourself and everything else. When your mind becomes the perfect container with mirrors on all sides, you become the infinite capacity, the cosmic vagina to receive all there is. When you hear a loud police siren, you will not be agitated by it because there is no space of resistance. At that moment you ARE the siren.

Another reason why quieting the mind can be detrimental to spiritual progress is because the mind is the best weapon against all the lies and conditionings that you have accumulated since birth. You literally have to think your way to Truth. And your mind is the sharpest knife you have to cut away illusions, beliefs and false identities until you are left with nothing, which is what you really are. Silencing the mind can be a cop out – like taking Xanax to momentarily escape your problems.

I look at spirituality as a type of surgery, or a civil war between mind and Mind. It’s a project of demolition and self-destruction. It’s violent, painful and can cause severe mental breakdowns. You literally have to smash your brain to pieces to reveal the inner light. In my mind, embodiment of a spiritual master isn’t someone like Osho or Echart Tolle, with their sparkling eyes, soft and slow ways of talking to make you feel warm and cozy. They seem to be more interested in playing the role of a spiritual teacher than making people question everything. Characters with no real motives or identities like Joker and Tyler Durden, or the shape shifting ghost from the movie “It Follows” are much better embodiment of the spiritual process.

Many mainstream spiritual teachers advocate heart-based approach – selling love, compassion, and trance when these things are only the by-products of spirituality and not the end result. They are like cookies and Molly thrown at you from the sky – little rewards or post signs to measure your progress on the path, but getting attached to them might just get you stuck in the pit.

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3 years ago, right about the time I first discovered Jeff Seid’s videos, I invited a girl over for a dinner date. I cooked chickens, meticulously weighed my food and counted the macros. She became impatient and judgmental. I got mad and slid her throat with my spoon, cooked her flesh and ate it with my next date. She was impressed with the food and my new muscle gains so we had sex an hour after our meal. Then I killed her too, cut up her flesh to look like cookies, baked them and fed her to my next date. By then I’ve made considerable gains in both physique and culinary art. As a result, I fucked the next girl in 30 minutes. This cycle went on until I became so aesthetic that I could fuck any girl I wanted without needing to cook for her. Eventually, there was no need for me to even eat or lift. When the final girl came I was frozen. There were no thoughts in my head, no feels in my heart and no jizz in my balls. I became as monumental as bronze, older than the eternal prophecies of pyramids. I had completed my transformation to look like Jeff Seid.
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I got extremely sick the past couple of days. Stomach virus of some sort. I must have thrown up more than 30 times within the last 25 hours. I threw up food first, then stomach acid. By the end of the night, I was vomiting air bubbles the size of a stability ball just to have a glimpse of enlightenment.

I started hallucinating the idea of an inverse/drug in the midst of my diarrhea binge. It’s a kind of (negative) drug that illicit suffering. When you take it, your body induces effects of life threatening illnesses without the actual damage. The “high”/benefit you get is the healthy state of being that you return to afterward. If you want to have to the best day of your life tomorrow, take the AIDS inducing pill. If you just want your Monday to not suck, take the flu pill Sunday night. If you want to be excited about fucking your ugly wife again, take the testicular cancer pill instead of viagra.
It’s during the time of illness that you really begin to appreciate the healthy state of being that you usually take for granted. You really don’t know what peak experience your normal state of consciousness is. When ill, flashes of the most mundane, even despairing moments in life seem significant and euphoric. Effects of drugs are relative to the relative state of existence and experience. Advil is suddenly more powerfully than Molly or meth. Give a starving kid in Africa your left over drumstick, his body would absorb it like Phil Heath’s last steroid injection.

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Alternative view on Introvert vs Extrovert.

I usually don’t use these labels because I think psychological states are always fluctuating within a dynamic spectrum. But all the online tests I’ve taken for lol indicate that I’m an introvert.

But whenever I tell people I’m an introvert, they’ll say, but you’re a pretty social guy; you have sex and play the violin on the street, share a drink of water with Ronnie Coleman, etc. Ironically, I think in these situations I’m actually more inverted/internal than when I’m masturbating alone in my room. I went out with RSDtyler once and he said I was so unaware of my surrounding that it works to my advantage in pick ups.

I think the more intense the social interactions, the more I retrieve into my own world, and the more I manifest the belief that the characters that I’m interacting with are created entirely by my own brain. This is why I don’t get embarrassed. Fear of public speaking and rejection is only the by products of the biggest fear known to mankind – the fear of other minds. When no Others exist in your reality, you’ll have nothing to fear.

When you are introverted to the maximum degree, you end up contracting, absorbing and internalizing the external world, you end up becoming an ‘extrovert’. Likewise, when you are so extroverted that you expand and flip the self completely inside out, you become an ‘introvert’. Both process yields the exact same result – the dichotomy between inside/outside, intro/extrovert is erased. I’m hallucinating that this is a glimpse into what spiritual masters refer to as Mystical Union or non-dual awareness.

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A: I was at Reddit, under the meditation forums and reading different responses from people talking about their awakening experiences, and there’s this one guy that I sensed who just had a totally different energy (like it’s written from a very distinct dimension than the rest of the guys who were basically writing about the same things).
B: Yea I think that’s pretty detectable.
A: I feel like I can feel out the “pure” spirituality or dharma now
B: I couldn’t detect this before.
A: has a really distinct flavor.
B: Different texture
A: I think I’ve been able to detect it for a long time, I felt like recoiling away from those who didn’t have it and felt like “that’s not it”
A: But it was definitely trial and error before finding people who expounded it in a really pure way.
B: I used to detect talent from artists and musicians and I think it’s a bit similar. Some musicians just have that extra spark. Or when you look at a painting you can sense the artist’s pure talent in their brushstrokes vs someone who’s more technical or got to where they are from a lot of practice rather than from a dimension of spontaneity or raw talent. It’s inexplicable, and subtle.
A: Yea I’m sure there’s some flavour of attunement with art too.
B:I also feel it in sometimes spontaneity when speaking in conversation.
VS those who are going through the motions or relying on memory or systemization.
A: Or writing, even athletics. Some basketball players’ movements are more fluid and in the moment. Maybe they make more mistakes and turn the ball over more, but it’s more fun to watch them.
B:There is definitely a “truer” way of moving.
A: Closer to the “center”
B: Around enlightened dudes like Tony Parson. Even if you were only watching their body, there’s definitely a sense of really natural movement, smoothness and lacking any hesitation, just straight out of that centre you refer to in a really undiluted way. It kind of cuts the air like a blade, even if they’re just doing something like shuffling in their seat. It punctuates empty space in a really evocative way
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Rich Piana is the perfect embodiment of a new breed of celebrity in the digital technology epoch. A shadow mutation of mainstream celebrity. A self-created Frankenstein of the social media age. Discarding, or unable to fit inside the standard mold of conventional social and entertainment establishments, he decided to take matter into his own hand and 3D print himself to create a silicon model of Rich Piana, along with accessory gadgets like supplements and tank-tops, and mostly importantly, freedom.
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I’m not sure if she’s a ghost without a body or a body without a ghost, but she’s so pure and transparent, it’s like she’s barely even there… This is why I like being with her; she makes me feel like I’m all by myself. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just a figment of her imagination. Having sex with her makes me feel as if I’m just fapping to my favorite porn DVD. #ghost#vacantface#polishgirl #void#positivevibes #d #thetransparencyofevil #emptinessdancing
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aybe Buddha wasn’t a just neuroscientist, but an alien. Maybe he was sent to earth to perform phenomenological experiments on our inner subjectivity and to procreate alien-human hybrids. Terrance McKenna said psilocybin mushrooms were planted by extraterrestrials as a way of communication. Tripping on mushrooms was a way for mortal humans to have a taste of what it feels like to be a space-being; a sneak peak into the mind of a super intelligent entity. By the same token, meditation serves as a tool to sharpen or restructure, and ultimately realign our brain-as-antenna to receive higher dimension frequencies. Or, like the film Arrival, a way to “download” their language. Once received and learned, humans acquire an expansive awareness far exceeds its original horizon. Awakenings, or Mystical Unions are peak experiences of being fucked not by gods, but by aliens, and to “migrate”, not to a distant planet, but to the inner plane of non-duality Enlightenment Beings, Sages and Mystics through out history are just fancy ways to label the product of this alien/human hybrid.
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I think all suffering comes down to perceiving anything – self, emotions, bodies, time/space as solid. When I was sitting today I felt sensations manifested as time, moving across space moment after moment. Like when you watch sound waves moving across the computer screen while you listen to music. If you can translate the self into a more accurate description of what it actually is, it would look like the heartbeat monitor device. Each nano sensation is in a different place, even standing perfectly still and in the same spot, you are being perpetually carried alongside a river, morphing with and dissolving into any other sensations you perceive – sounds, thoughts, thighs, feelings. Thoughts always turning into things into rivers and heartbeats and music and they are all just sensations. I think we spend a huge amount of effort trying to hold on to a fixed and solidify identity – to encapsulate this ever expansive flow with a name, a word, a concept, when in reality, the sensations that seemed to constitute “you” a few moments ago is gone forever.
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Like with Jeff seid, I have a love/hate relationship to Hollister and AF. I wear Hollister in order to overcome insecurities and attain freedom in a reverse-mindfuck kind of way.

I went to an all art school, so there are a lot of hippies with purple hair and nose piercings. I would walk around with Hollister or AF jeans and tank-tops while holding a big bottle of protein shake on my hand and everyone thought I was a giant meathead. But when you watch their student work it’s usually no better than mediocre. When I showed my work, even the professors were mind blown. Dressed and looked like a jock, I was actually the hippie in an all hipster school.

I like all-American brands for the same reason I enjoy build muscles. The only way to conquer your fear of what you are not is to thoroughly become it. Being born and raised in Taiwan, everything American seemed so out of my reach. I secretly despised their materialism based ideoloy, but deep down inside I was just jelly as fuck.

In high school I’ve always wanted to bang white cheerleader girls. I remember fapping at the stadium during homecoming pep rally’s. I would use my video camera and secretly zoom in on all the girls’ legs and collect the footage for future “references” on my V8 cassette. I would watch those girls get taken home by shredded football players on Friday nights and feel depressed. I would go home, lock myself in my room, pop in my Britney Spears CD and chat with girls I meet on AOL. I still think one of the reasons why I spend so much time trying to bang girls nowadays is to make up for lost times in high school and college.

I still wear Hollister from time to time because I feel a certain kind of contradiction oscillating within my body…and it gives me this paradoxical space that I can operate in; a kind of freedom to be as fucked up as possible on the inside while appearing as clean cut and normal on the outside. (like my muscles).

It’s not a well kept secret that brands like Hollister and AF is racist and they never have Asian models.


After experimenting with white girls, I think I still prefer asians better. This is just from my own experience, but I think asian girls (especially in Taiwan) are more like blank slates – they are more down to make weirder videos with me because their identities are more translucent and flexible and deep down inside they don’t really know who they are. In a way, white girls in America have more ego – their identities are more fixated, and they are less likely to get out of their comfort zone to become the ‘Other’. But for many asians, they spent their whole life being perceived as an ‘Other’, and it’s much easier to flip into the costumes of other ‘Others’. Seeing a nice ass on an Asian girl is like finding a diamond in a rough. And rareness is always sexy. It’s also stereotypical assumed that asian girls are more prudent and innocent. But seeing an Asian girl that is wild in bed who also has an ass is like holding in your hand a diamond within a diamond. This is why so many white guys have yellow fever. There is nothing more sexy than breaking stereotypes and going against cultural rules and standards. This is why anal sex is appealing to some people and why some girls find it exciting to give blow jobs.

Whenever I go to the mall I would always walk around in Hollister and Abercrombie stores, checking out the young white girls that work there and sniff around the clothes to get baked on teenage hormones. I even spread some display perfumes on my own neck. I would go home when I’m finally high enough to imagine what it would be like to go back to high school now with this body and what I have in my brain now.

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“Every object has two aspects. The common aspect, which is the one we generally see and which is seen by everyone, and the ghostly and metaphysical aspect, which only rare individuals see at moments of transcendence and metaphysical meditation. A work of art must relate something that does not appear in its visible form”. Georgio de Chirico.

You can apply the same idea to a human being. Every man has two aspects; the finite brain and the Infinite Mind (dual/non-dual, relative/Absolute). Your personality, your every thought, emotions and beliefs…even scientific and philosophical doctrines reside in the dualistic realm of the finite brain (inside the Yin/Yang circle), which the Infinite Mind (the space outside the circle) serves as a Witness.

Think of the finite brains as represented by distinct dots on a sheet of paper. The paper represents the infinite/non-local field of awareness that the individual dots merely partakes in and arises from. One can permanently access the Infinite through years of meditation, or briefly, through psychoactive plants and being in flow states during artistic or athletic endeavors. Self-Realization at the highest form is simply recognizing your true nature not as an individual, finite brain/body, but as a Infinite field of awareness that permeates you, me, and the cosmos.

It’s crazy to suspect that some of the most respected scientists and intellectuals today, like Stephen Hawkins and Richard Dawkins never realized their full human potential. They are examples of finite brains pushing themselves to the limit without crossing over to the other dimension. Perhaps they are too intelligent to transcend their own intelligence. The good news is, anybody with half a brain have the capacity to gain access the Infinite mind.

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How Sneakers changed my life.

My first pair of Jordans wasn’t even an Air Jordan. It was called Jumpman Pro Strong, worn by Vin Baker on team Jumpman.
Jordan, being the cheeky cunt he was, needed people to carry on his legacy so he could continue to inject his mind into mindless consumers, so he hand selected a few players to represent his Brand. One Sunday afternoon, I went to the mall with my mom after she had finally agreed to buy me a pair of Jordans as a reward for getting into the county youth orchestra.

After purchase, I immediately unboxed them and worn the shoes to my best friend Johnny’s house to look for validations. He knew everything there is to know about shoes and worn the Jordans 12s to school everyday. Because of this, he was the closest thing to a mentor for me during math class. He revealed to me that the shoes I bought were not Jordans but Bakers. WTF? After explaining to me the whole high brow branding concept I felt very sad, confused, and disappointed. I worn it around the house for 2 weeks, looking at my feet in front of the mirror while listening to my Slim Shady LP because I was too ashamed to wear them to school.

Finally Eminem convinced me to not give a fuck, so I rocked them to school. But I felt self conscious and ashamed. Picture a skinny 110 lb Asian kid with hair split from the middle with glasses who sucked at both math and basketball wearing Jordans that were not Jordans. On top of that, my legs were short and those high tops made them appear even shorter. This was when I developed my fetish with calves. Everywhere I go I was examining the anatomical structure of calves and their aesthetic relations with the kinds of shoes and socks people wear. This was the initial training of my perceptual skill and OCD tendencies, which would continue to unfold today as I make videos and sculptures.

Suddenly, the power of the BBC struck me. I noticed how much more graceful, balanced and authentic Jordans look on athletic black people’s high-cut, long, skinny calves, and how pretentiously ugly they looked on Asians. It was like a cringe-worthy pseudo intellectual trying to sound 2deep4u

Two people could lace on the exact same pair of shoes, but on Asians they are beta and on blacks, alpha. This was the first time I came to see the value of all objects to be relative and mind-dependent; there really is no such thing as an objective reality, and that everything was consciousness.

After more analysis on balance, structures, and form, I knew I needed to change not just my body, but my mindset in order to fit in those shoes. I started weight training. I knew I talked about getting into lifting because I wanted to be a cheetah as a small child, but this was just a different line converging to the same ideal to reinforce the circular feedback loop between form and function. I would work hard to build up every part of my body, especially my glute, and except for my calves (I still don’t train them) to make them appear thinner in proportion. I trained my vertical jump to 40 inches standing and surpassed all the black kids in my school who I used to admire in gym class. I lost my virginity, and along the way amped up my knowledge of sneakers and purchased dozens more pair of shoes. By the time I was finally able to wear them freely without the fear of judgements, I had completely lost interest in Jordans.

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Your body’s true, experiential nature is more like a jelly fish swimming in the vast ocean than a solid, separate, corporeal entity. (Wave vs particle). Try closing your eyes and just feel your body from the inside, recognizing it’s wavy, wiggly, vibrating nature. Rest your awareness on that feeling for 15 to 30 minutes and allow it to give your entire being a deep massage from the inside. After a while you’ll transcend the concepts of body parts, and realize there is no head, no feet, no torso except for points of contacts where sensations are naturally arising and passing away moment by moment… This is divinity/nature recognizing itself.

https://youtu.be/fz6Hdf7DIZ0
There is a guided meditation at the 4:15:00 mark. Give it a shot and let us know what you think. I find this exercise the perfect complimentary to bodybuilding. Do this on your off days to stay safe.

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If ‘reality’ is nothing more than a dream state, then everyone is a fraud. No one is more “authentic” than the next person. No matter how “real” I think I am, I’m still just an actor with a mask on. Every philosopher is a pseudo-intellectual, every branch of science is pseudo-science. Don’t get me wrong, I like science as much as you, but from the Ultimate, non-dual perspective, everything is equally unreal and insignificant. How can one aspect of the dream be more “real” than another? All parts of the dream is made up of the same substrate. Desires and prejudices are merely the the conditioned response to the illusion that one part of your dream is better than another. You become more tolerant of ‘bad movies’ and ‘fake people’.
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Beauty is Only Skin Deep.
美麗的醜陋

I avoid seeing really hot girls. Maybe this is why I don’t watch TV- the overabundance of glamour and beauty really makes me depressed. Whenever I see a model or a celebrity, I try really hard to peel her skin off with my mind; I try to strip away the ideological and the conceptual layer of her being and deal with her in the pre-lingual/biological abstract. I try to think of her as a bundle of neurons, sweat glands, bone marrow and hair. I visualize her DNA and gastric acid; I analyze the inner workings of her organs and the way she defecates. I focus on her various odors, the plaque between her teeth, and the colonies of bacteria on her skin.

Human beings are only skin deep, and underneath the most beautiful super model, there lays a monster comprised of wet clumps of organs, tubes, hunks of bloody meat, lifeless electric impulses, and other repulsive and disgusting dead matter. Despite how we might look on the outside, most of our physical properties and composition are not very attractive.

If God made man in the image of himself, did he also make our INSIDES in the image of Him? One comfortable notion that comes out of this concept and image is that the unattractive and repulsive insides that we all share make us more alike, more heterogeneous, and equal than we otherwise would. If you flip both my below average-looking ex-girlfriend and Marilyn Monroe inside out and place them next to each other, I doubt you would be able to tell the difference between the two. When you consider what most parts of our physical bodies look and feel like, there is a sense of serenity and comfort inknowing that we really are not that much different from each other. Unfortunately, this sense of reassurance is embedded within the hideous and revolting side of our very own nature.

Indeed, our skin is the only organ that holds us together, just barely and scarcely preventing the hideous monsters that reside within us from breaking out of their thin shells. Compare the thickness and overall breadth of our skin to the rest of our bodies that lies underneath. The skin is thin and miniature in comparison. To me, there is a sense of insecurity in knowing that immediately beneath this feeble layer of tissues and cells, there lays wet muscle, distorted arteries and other disgusting organs that make up the majority of who we are as physical beings. Even our thoughts, seemingly so divine, abstract, beautiful and creative are governed by electric impulses and grey matter – simply wet and slimy meat. So when a girl loves me, is she merely in love with my skin and meat? Is that it?

Whenever I date a girl, I’m always be fearful of two things. First, I would be afraid that my skin would fail on me, break down, and the monster that it barely holds would come out and devour, both physically and psychologically, the girl who I am desperately trying to look good for and impress. Secondly, whenever I find a girl attractive, I usually fall for her mind, but the mind is nothing more than the brain. If I am so in love with the beautiful and lovely words she utters the eloquent poems and letters that she composes, should I also be in love with the ultimate source of such beauty and eloquence?

Our beauty is literally only skin deep. But, in perspective, the sense of beauty and satisfaction that we derive from our outside is only illusionary. If you look at the skin under a microscope, you will be shocked at how unaesthetic and repugnant it is. I apologize for taking away your last hope for beauty. Indeed, even the only barrier concealing the hideous monster within us is itself a source of discomfort and disgust when examined upon closer inspection.

If you still don’t find human beings disgusting, let me try to convince you of our monstrosity by mentioning our origins. Remember how Frankenstein was created? His body was sewn up from pieces of flesh and skin of other dead bodies. But was the way he was created any different from the way we were created? Frankenstein is a magnification of our bodies and minds, in a metaphorical sense that point to our very own nature and who we really are. Think of how WE were created and you would come to the conclusion that we are also made up of dead stuff.

The notion of our sentient beings would cease to seem so glamorous if we remind ourselves that the source of our conscious bodies originate from various unaesthetic and dead material. First, there is the sperm and the egg, which is not only extrinsically unattractive, but is intrinsically made up of senseless and mindless organic material. Then there’s the food that your mother ingested and digested to feed you during pregnancy. It’s nothe onthing but dead matter converted into muscle, brain, bones, and organs. What stitches us together is comprised of what was once dead – animal corpses, excrement, and bits and pieces of inorganic matter like dead stars and the primeval soup that is shattered, spread out, and left over by the violent explosion of the Big Bang.

Atoms and particles that reside in our bodies once held residence in the bodies of all sorts of different objects and organisms: When a body dies, worms eat the body, chickens eat the worm, and we would in turn, eat the chickens. So life (as we know it) is not very appealing when examined from the perspective of its origins. We all have our beginnings in materials taken from a host of other repulsive objects. The forces that bring these parts together to form our bodies, consciousness, and, eventually, human beings are nothing but contingent and accidental ones. From this perspective, life is made from the dead, with dead matter swimming and swirling into each other in a meaningless void that is DEAD and LIFELESS.

Ok, let’s zoom out a little bit and focus on our external properties. Forget about the organs, the brain, and all of their origins. You can’t SEE them on a day-to-day basis (unless you are a medical student or a doctor); focus on what you can directly observe. But can you end our sense of anxiety simply by forgetting about the skin that we so heavily depend upon? I don’t think so. Our physical appeals, if they do exist, are fragile and unreliable. Even the most attractive of us feel insecure, anxious, and self-conscious about our appearances from time to time.

Everyone is imperfect in some way. Even if you are not seriously deformed, you worry about what your mate will think of you in the morning, right when your messy self wakes up from a temporary death. You worry about your bad breath, whether your gel is wearing off, and, for girls, whether your makeup is smeared or ruined by external factors beyond your control. The shape of your nose, the sizes of your eyes and ears, the size of your muscles are all exposed and open to criticism, despite the fact that they seem to look acceptable when you checked yourself out in the mirror this morning.

I am going to end with sex here, because I think it is the most monstrous of all human acts and interactions. Sex I think, reveals the most beastly and debased side of us. It is an act that consists of blood, odor, violent penetration, frenzied movements, disturbing psychology, exchange of body fluid, potential spread of disease, unsettling noises, and even death. We must reveal some of our most ugly body parts to the very partners who we desperately try to impress. The imperfections of our bodies that are hidden so well underneath clothes and makeup are as completely exposed during sex. Despite the eroticism of our sexual organs, they are, in any other context, ugly, smelly, and anything but attractive.

We also need to reveal our most primal and debased psychological and emotional side to our partners during sex. The moaning, the way we breathe, the wet and slimy sounds that the vagina makes while it is being violated and penetrated, and the eerie and unsettling “slapping” sounds made by the impact of ferocious humping: all of that would seem downright depraved or sickening in a non-sexual context. It is amazing that our psyches and our minds can filter these monstrous elements out of the erotic picture to allow us to enjoy sex despite its imperfections.

But sometimes our security system breaks down. During sex, we find ourselves thinking, from time to time, “What the fuck am I doing? Who is this monster that I am humping and why is it making such weird noises? NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE! Why am I relentlessly and repetitively making such absurd back and forth movements? Those are moments when the real penetrates the symbolic; the barriers of language, ideology, illusions, and concepts break down, exposing the good old monstrous sides of our humanity.

我總是回避去看真正的美女。也許這就是為什麼我不愛看充斥了過多光鮮和美艷的美女的電視,她們讓我鬱悶。每當我看到一個模特或是一個明星,我就會努力用我的意識去剝開她的外表;我試圖去掉她那些意識形態和概念的外衣,而直接面對她有語言能力之前的生物個體。我試圖想象她是一束神經元,汗腺,骨髓和頭髮。我設想她的DNA和胃酸,我分析她的各種器官的內部運作和她的排便方式。我專註於她的各種氣味,她牙齒之間的斑塊,和她皮膚上的細菌菌落。

人只是隔著一層皮膚,即使在最美麗的超級模特的皮膚下,也只是一個由濕乎乎叢生的器官,血管,大塊的肌肉,無生命的電脈衝,和其他令人厭惡的死細胞組成的怪物。不管我們外面看上去如何,我們大部分的機體組成並不是如外面那麽光鮮的。如果上帝造人是依照他自己的樣子的,他是否也是依照他的內在來造我們的呢?從以上的定義能推導出一個令人高興的概念,那就是無論我們看上去多麽不同,我們的那些並不漂亮甚至令人討厭的內部是多麽的相像。如果你把我那位長相一般的前女友和Britney Spears從裏到外翻過來並排放在一起的話,我懷疑你是否能夠分辨出來她們。當你在意我們外表的身體和感覺的時候,有一種使人平靜和舒服的感受,那就是我們大家沒有什麽不同。可惜這種讓人安心的感受深埋於我們的心底,又與我們的本性相違背。

事實上,我們的皮膚是唯一把我們包裹在一起的器官,剛剛能夠防止內在的怪物沖破他們的薄殼。我們皮膚的厚度和整體廣度和我們內部的身體來進行比較的話,皮膚是薄且小的。對我來說,知道在這薄薄一層組織和細胞下面就是大塊的肌肉,無序的動脈和其他使我們能成為我們自己的大部分器官,讓我很沒有安全感。甚至我們的思想,看似發散的,抽象的,美麗的和有創造力的都是受電脈沖和一種叫做灰質的濕潤的薄的組織來控制的。所以,當一個女孩說愛我,她只是愛上我的皮膚和肌肉?是這樣嗎?
每當我和一個女孩約會,我總是擔心兩件事情。首先,在我試圖留下深刻印象的女孩面前,我會害怕我的皮膚會破開來,生理和心理的怪物會害沖將出來吞噬我。其次,當我找到一個吸引我的姑娘時,我會愛上她的心靈,還有她的頭腦。如果我愛上她說出的美麗動人的詩句,我是不是也應該愛上產生這些美麗詩句的最終源頭呢?

我們說的美只是停留在皮膚表面的。但是更正確的來說我們從外表獲得的美和滿意的感覺也是一種錯覺。如果你在顯微鏡下看皮膚,你會驚訝的發現皮膚是多麽的毫無美感並且令人厭惡的。我很抱歉讓你們對美失去了最後的希望。事實上,當你近距離觀察時,甚至那個深藏在我們內部的怪物也是令人不愉快和惡心的。

如果你還沒有認為人類噁心,讓我來提到我們的起源說服你人類的怪物性。還記得Frankenstein這個科學怪人是如何被創造的嗎?他的身體是用其他死屍的皮肉碎片縫起來的。他被創造的方式難道和我們被創造的方式有何不同嗎?Frankenstein這個科學怪人在隱喻著我們人類的內在本質,他是我們身體和心靈的放大體。

如果我們提醒自己我們自身這個有意識的身體是由各種並不美麗甚至是死去的材料組成的話,人類物種這個概念將不再顯得那麼光鮮亮麗了。起初是精子和卵子這些不僅是外在毫無吸引力而且在本質上無感無意識的有機物質。然後是你的母親在懷孕期間攝入和消化的食物。這些看似沒有意義的死的物質轉化成肌肉,大腦,骨骼和器官。那些將我們的身體縫合在一起的是那些曾經死了的 動物的屍體,排泄物,和類似死亡恒星的零星碎片的無機物。以及劇烈的宇宙大爆炸打碎,散開,遺留下來的原始液質。

那些存在於我們身體裏的原子和粒子是來自於各種不同的物體和生物:當機體死亡以後,蟲子分解了屍體,雞又吃掉了蟲子,接著我們吃掉了雞。因此從這個角度來說生命的起源(正如我們知道的那樣)並不是那麽動人的。我們的開始都是來自於那些令人厭惡的物種。將這些部分組合在一起從而形成了我們的身體,意識,並最終形成了人類的這種力量是偶然和不可預知的。從這個角度來看,生命是來自於死亡的,死的物質在死亡和無生命的毫無意義的空白裏遊弋穿梭。

好吧,讓我們放大一點,專註於我們的外部屬性。忘記那些器官,大腦和它們的起源。你日常看到的不是這些(除非你是醫學院的學生或者大夫),專註於你可以直接觀察到的。但是你能簡單的忘記我們如此依賴的外表從而不再焦慮嗎?我認為你做不到。我們美麗的外表,如果他們是存在的話,是脆弱和不可靠的。即使是最有吸引力的人也會經常有不安全感,焦慮,和對自我外表的不自信。

在某種意義上沒有人是完美的。即使你並不是嚴重的畸形,你仍然會擔心早上剛睡醒時候的淩亂會讓你的伴侶怎麽看你。你擔心你的口臭,你的凝膠是否已逐漸消失,姑娘們則會擔心不小心弄花的妝容。你會在意你的鼻子的形狀,眼睛和耳朵的大小,甚至你的肌肉是否足夠健壯都完全暴露任人評說。盡管今天早上你剛剛在鏡子前面審視過自己,覺得無可挑剔。

我最後要來討論一下性行為,因為我認為這是人類所有行為和相互關系中最怪異的。

我認為性行為展示了人類的動物性和庸俗的一面。這種行為充斥了血液,氣味,暴力插入,瘋狂的運動,不安心理,體液交換,潛在的疾病傳播,令人不安的噪聲,甚至死亡。我們不得不把我們一部分最醜陋的身體暴露給我們的伴侶看,而這些伴侶正是我們試圖留下美好印象的人。儘管在其他情況下被認為是難看的,有味道的性器官此時處於興奮變得有吸引力。但那些平時在漂亮的衣服和化妝下被掩飾的很好的我們的身體瑕疵在性行為的時候都完全暴露了。

性交的時候我們還會把我們心理上,感情上最原始,最低級的一面暴露給我們的伴侶。呻吟聲,急促的呼吸聲,陰道被侵犯和被深入的時候發出的潮濕和粘糊糊的聲音,以及劇烈撞擊發出的令人不安的怪異的啪啪聲:所有這些在非性行為的時候都被認為是徹頭徹尾的讓人感到下流和厭惡的。令人驚訝的是我們的心理和意識卻能過濾掉這些讓人討厭的因素讓我們享受性生活,盡管並不完美。

但有時候我們的防衛系統也會出故障。在性交的時候,我們有時候會想,“我他媽的到底在幹什麽?這個發出怪聲音向前移動的怪物是誰?這一切都沒有任何意義。為什麼我會不停地重複如此荒謬的活塞運動?”這些時刻就是真實穿透象徵,語言,思想,幻想和觀念的障礙被打碎,人性的好的一面展現的時候。

There is only consciousness and everything else we know about reality is a belief, and all beliefs are equally untrue.

This is the mother of truth that can never be disputed. Nobody can make an objective proof that reality exists outside of consciousness because every experience arises through as perception, and all perception (including thoughts, which are perceptions of the mind), are homogenous. When you look at your feet, you are looking at a perception of your feet, and not at the feet themselves.

It makes no difference whether you believe the world is a video game or that it was created in 7 days or if there was a Big Bang. Or if there is a brain that’s generating these experiences, or if there is an immaterial soul inside the body which the experiences are arising from. I’m no longer interested in these distinctions because they weigh equal value in the dualistic paradigm, which consciousness is completely outside of. The identity of FY is just another idea/perception/belief, which is fundamentally no different from my perception of anybody or anything else that arises through consciousness. There is only one attribute to consciousness – the I AM-ness, which can only be experienced on the moment to moment basis subjectively, and it is the only thing you can be certain of, and everything else is pure speculation; beliefs, stuff you read, or things other people have told you.

What I’m saying here isn’t new. In the West we might call it Idealistic Solipsism, and is the base that the entire Eastern philosophy rests on. But just to be clear, everything that I’m saying here isn’t a philosophy, it’s not a belief, it’s not a spiritual or religious doctrine, it might seem like it because I’m using words to describe something that could only be understood if you stop, look, and see it for yourself.

I understood this intellectually, but never really “believed” it. But through meditation, this new paradigm is starting to be ingrained in the cellular and experiential level of my being, and I feel 10 x more free, more happy, more lucid. There is really is nothing more to understand. Now I can finally enjoy life and experience it as it is, not as what I think it is. Now i can finally BE, without jumping from identification to identification; Am I a bodybuilder or a violinist? artists or jackass? Those thoughts drove me insane until I realized that I’m none of these things. I exist, I am real, but not as a body or a mind, or even as a human being, but as an infinite field of nothingness that I share with you, my dog, and the rest of the universe.

 

Simulation, “I”

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Recently, there’s been a lot of speculations amongst serious scientists and thinkers about the possibility of us living inside the Matrix. Sure, the whole world might be a simulation, but I think the biggest simulation is not ‘out there’, but ‘in here’ – manifested as a program of conditioning called the “Self”. The notion that there’s an “I” running our life could be the biggest piece of fiction in the history of mankind.

The “I” is nothing more than a perception; a linguistic and conceptual construct/label. Human beings are composed of bundles of memories, thoughts, emotions, sensations arising and passing away moment by moment without an owner to claim any of these blobs. There isn’t anything in our neur-circutry that can specifically be attributed to an “I”, and from the experiential perspective, there is no specific location inside you that can be pinpointed to be the center of the self.

You begin by asking yourself, “Who Am I”?

The mind will automatically supply you with an answer (I am me!, or I am Frank Yang)

But those answers are just thoughts, no different from any other thought that arises through the same space in consciousness that everything you think about or perceive arises from (table, chair, cat, dog). A thought can’t think another thought into existence, much less claiming it to be its own. Just because the label “I” is attached to a thought, it doesn’t make it more substantial or important. Trying to look for yourself by breaking down and stripping away everything that you think is “you” or “yours” is like pealing off layers of an union and revealing nothingness at its core.

When looking out into the world, “seeing” happens, but there’s no seer. Life doesn’t need a seer, it just happens all by itself in a stream of unbroken Whole. Thoughts simply emerge, flowing through your awareness the way the wind blows and the tree grows, and there’s simply no solid entity behind the thoughts generating and controlling them. Even when you feel like you’re controlling a thought or an action, it’s just another thought being perceived, one that arises on its own, out of nowhere. In other words, there is no thinker apart from the thoughts themselves.

People usually have an averse reactions when they hear this; without the “I”, life would be purposeless because you wouldn’t have the passion or the drive to do anything. But this is just the ego fucking with your head, trying to preserve itself to keep the program running. Without the “I” putting the brake on, life becomes more free and efficient.

Emotions can be felt more deeply. Anger would arise and pass much more quickly when you don’t cling on to them as something that is personal. Nothing is ever personal, and you are not angry. There is only the sensation of anger that’s naturally passing through. Pleasant sensations would be experienced at a much more purified and intensified level. You can’t sustain an erection. Why? Because you’re too self-conscious. Thoughts like “what would she think of me”, “I want an erection” is exactly why you can’t get hard. When you are trying too hard to be a “fucker”, there is no room for fucking to unfold. When the Buddha said, find your true-self, or to ‘Know Thyself’ it simply means seeing clearly that there was never one to begin with.

cliff: You exist, you are real, but not as a body or a brain, or even as a human being, but as an infinite field of nothingness (that everything else arises from), it’s the universal, eternal, non-dual substance I share with you, my dog, and the rest of the cosmos. And note that all the words here are fingers fingering the void, but not the void itself. This is not a philosophy nor a belief. It’s not a scientific theory. And it’s not a religious doctrine. It’s an invitation for you to answer the most fundamental question of existence (Who are you?) by empirically investigation on the only thing you can be certain of – the immediate experience of your own consciousness.

 

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Nike is probably the only brand I ever liked. I think Nike is the first brand to really understand the concept of transcendence (Nike ‘AIR’). Other brands since then followed, but Nike was one of the first brands to focus on selling concepts instead of solely on material objects. Apple is another brand that does this very well, but computers are already in and themselves pretty abstract entities, so it doesn’t take that much oscillations to generate conceptual packages to sell products. It takes much more forward-thinking skills to inject consciousness into something that you put on your feet and step on dog shit with. Nike put sneakers on a pedestal and elevated them to the state of art.

When you buy a pair of Nikes, the shoes themselves are always secondary, even if you don’t conscious realize this. What you are really purchasing is an idea, an attitude, and a an entire lifestyle (freedom, creativity, courage, persistency, etc). If you look at the best Nike commercials (the elementals of blood, sweat, breath, fade away jumpers captured cinematically in slow motion are some of the most aesthetic, spiritual and inspiration pieces of filmmaking on TV I’ve ever seen). The products are rarely in the shots; sometimes never. Kids who line up for Jordans (me included) are mindfucked to FEEL and THINK a certain way when they wear those shoes. And those feelings stay with them far longer than the lifespan of a pair of shoes. And as long as the spirit of Nike is still alive, no matter what kind of shitty material they use from China, or even if the designs of the products are ugly, you are going to want a pair. This is why the Jordan brand is able to persist long after Jordan’s retirement. They can continue to abstract Jordan’s consciousness and injects it into different athletes, and reincarnate the same shoes over and over again and still make tons of money. Nike is less racist than AF and Hollister (see one of my previous posts), but I’m waiting for the day an asian powerlifter is sponsored by Nike. I don’t think that’s going to become a reality until America elects a transgendered, Indian president.

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If somebody says something insulting about you, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. He is insulting the projected image of you inside his own mind, so in that sense he is insulting himself. If you react to it, then you are responsible for the anger arising in you because you become the co-creator of the insult. If you start arguing back and forth, with each exchange the insult takes shape and form and becomes a solidified entity. But if you choose not to respond, the silence is enacted as a shield, and the words ricochet off of it as arbitrary noise and empty shells devoid of meaning. They might even bounce back and hit the person in the chest. Now he is even more mad because you wouldn’t even accept his insult. (Photo taken in Manhattan).
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on the ‘reality’ of spirtaulity.

I don’t like using the word “spirituality” because of the gooey, mumble-jumbo, new-age hippie connotations that are commonly associated with it. I think spirituality is something more like scientific inquiry or problem solving – something hard, concrete, intuitive, yet analytical. You are constantly cross-examining yourself like a lawyer. You can even say it’s ‘hardcore’ – meditating for long hours is like running a marathon, and certain techniques of meditation reminds me of grinding through heavy weights and tearing apart your muscles while covering in sweat and blood in a torn-down gym. Rather than “self-development”, it’s actually more in the line of self-mutilaton which ultimately ends in total annihilation of the Self.

It’s not so much a magical/fantastical pursuit, but the pursuit of total Realism. It’s not so much of ‘enlightenement’, but ‘realization’. A lot of people who first get into spirituality assume that it’s going to be something warm and fuzzy that ascends into higher and higher realms. But in actuality, it’s more like what Andy Dufresne did in Shawshank Redemption – tunneling through a wall, not knowing when you are going to uncover light on the other side. It’s hard. It’s concrete. It’s no bull-shit. Of course there are bliss, fireworks, ecstasy, light, love. They are great. But if you’re in it only for states of consciousness, you are probably going in the wrong direction.

A mystical experience is just another experience, quantitively different, yet still in the same order of things as sexual experiences. They are fingers pointing at the sun, but not the sun itself. And when people are becoming attached to altered states and spiritual texts, on some levels it’s no different from being addicted to drugs or alcohol or even becoming of a religious fanatic. If Buddha was indeed using the Vapassana meditation to become liberated under the tree, he wasn’t looking upward for God or chanting prayers…rather, he was examining something much more primal, visceral, and corporeal – the inside of his own body. He was observing and becoming aware of each and every sensation he was experiencing moment to moment, and ultimately dissolving every cell and atom in his body to realize the Truth of no-self, impermanence, emptiness and change. (Think of mindful meditation when you are asked to simply observe your breath – Buddha took it to the sub-atomic level).

It boggles the mind to think this; but when you look at the image of Buddha sitting under the tree with lights emitting from his head, you would never guess that he might just be rigorously scanning the insides of his testicles for insights about the nature of reality.

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Maryland, US vs Taipei, Taiwan.

When people ask me where I am from,I usually have to think about it for a second before I can answer. Most people don’t know this, but I actually have dual citizenships.
I moved to America from Taiwan when I was 11,which means I planted my public hair and Adam’s Apple here. This is crucial because if you start learning a new language past 13/14 you’ll never be able See More

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Silence is comes with 2 sides. When a girl’s head is “empty” it usually means she’s an idiot. But when a person who’s been meditating for 20 years finally empties his mind to the degree of absolute stillness, he becomes a god.
When a couple whose relationship is fully realized, silence during breakfast is enlightening because no words can communicate the type of deep energy that is being transmitted while you both chew on captain crunch. But with two people who barely know each other, silence is deadly.

My craving for silence is outweighing my craving for music. Actually I should say my new favorite song is a free style rap so obscene that every word is censored and beeped out. I put it on reply everyday when I workout and during my dreamless sleep.

 

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On the significance and the insignificance of being human (repost)
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Human beings fascinate me. Every day I wake up in the morning, I marvel at being human. In the billions of other possible species that I could have been, I was, by luck and pure chance, thrown out of a womb that belonged to a descendent of the most cerebral species on the planet. What did I do to deserve having a human brain, the most complex system/organ in the known universe? Nothing at all. My existence is contingent. It doesn’t have to be, it isn’t necessary, and it is totally meaningless and purposeless.

But this is what makes it so amazing to be me. The fact that I don’t have to, but I do nevertheless exist, is indeed what gives my life meaning. If my existence was the decision of a higher intelligence, and if I was created and put into this world for a purpose, then my existence would be rendered less meaningful and less valuable because my life would then be the product of somebody else’s will and decision, and not the result of a meaningless accident.

To me, something that is planned is always less miraculous and exciting than something that just happened by pure chance. So miracles are in their essences, deeply paradoxical, and this is why I tend to unfold meaninglessness back upon itself until it becomes meaningful.

I would scrutinize everyday objects and events with existential joy and astonishment, for even broken condoms, car wrecks, gum wrappers, cuss words, and the kind of fallen-from-grace sort of building display brilliance and creativity unmatched by anything in the known universe. Just as the slowest and the oldest cheetahs should nevertheless deserve the praises for having great speed, the shabbiest people, spending one shabby day after another, doing their shabby work should all the same, be praised for their intelligence by a larger and wider standard. The difference between Einstein and a high school drop out is non-existence in the eyes of a monkey, dolphine, or a fish. But on the other hand, I would feel pity towards myself and my fellow human beings when their lives are examined under a different lense.

Sometimes I would watch TV in between sets during my workout, and there would be one monitor showing ESPN, with some black guy sweating his balls out with a pole just so he could out jump his opponents by a few inches. And on the monitor next to it, there would be some seemingly insignificant flea on Animal Planet, without even asserting energy, jump over objects that are 200 times over its height. Imagine if humans have the potentials to jump that high. Even the oldest and sickest of us all would have the ability to leap over the Statue of Liberty with ease. And then I would feel obtuse, ridiculous, and hopeless for attempting to become stronger and faster, for even the most athletic human beings pale in comparison to the power and speed of many other creatures on the planet.

What did I do to deserve being locked inside this bald, weak, and slow body? Nothing at all. But then again, for most people, sense of desperation, depression, envy, jealousy and misunderstanding only comes when you compare yourself to people who are around you, and who are within your own league…people like your neighbors, classmates or coworkers.

We are jealous of our friends and co-workers if they are just a little bit richer than us, but lose very little sleep over how rich Steve Jobs or Michael Jordan is. I would rather live in a world where I make 10 bucks a day and everyone else makes 9 than in a world where I make 20 a day and everybody else makes 50. I see a lot of kids playing their hearts out on the basketball court at health clubs, and I used to wonder why they even bother to try, for it is obvious that people in the NBA, even the worse players, could kick their asses with minimum efforts.

And then I realized that the reason why they feel significant upon winning is because they are beating people within their own league from their own world, playing against people who are wearing the same shoe sizes as themselves. If I was beaten by Michael Jordan, I probably wouldn’t feel half as bad if I was beaten by that teammate of mine who was always competing with me for playing time…even though Michael Jordan would shed a lot more blood out of me.

But sometimes it helps to widen your scope, and compare yourself to members of other leagues or of other species. But such act of comparison can also be a double edged sword, as you can easily be discouraged when you are looking at the situation from the opposite direction.

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The goal is to become as aesthetic as possible while caring about the body less and less. I think I’m definitely more attached to my body when I first started lifting weights.

For a lot of people it’s the opposite. The better you look and the longer you lift, the more your identity is ingrained onto your body. But it should be the other way around because the better your physique is, the harder it is for you to maintain it, not to mention the older you are getting. Each day that you are growing bigger and becoming more shredded is actually bringing you closer to losing it.
And the more you enjoy your body and all the pleasure it brings, the more pain it’ll cause you later…very much like coming down from a drug high.

Then you get stuck in this meat wall for the rest of your life where you can’t see anything else beyond…kinda like those really hot high school girls that never bothered to pick up a book or a skill because they could get (away with) anything they wanted by their looks alone. Now their husbands are banging younger sloots and they are too old to do anything else but watch and wait for virtual reality to save them.

The body should be treated and sculpted as if it’s a cocoon. Something you gain to lose. Once you complete it, you should use it as a vehicle or a ladder, to eject your spirit so it can climb on top of Mt Olympus to join Zyzz. I’m not saying stop lifting. In fact, lift harder than ever because you can only transcend/let go of something after you’ve thoroughly attained it.

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There is a reason why people snap their fingers at you and tell you to “snap out of it”. According to zen master Dogen’s fable, there are 65 distinct segments of time within a snap of finger, and with 6400099980 moments a day, each one provides an opportunity to turn your life around.

Sometimes I would indulge in negative thoughts and it would feel like I’m watching porn or binging on alcohol because it can be just as addictive and destructive. Yes, the mind is every human being’s choice of drug. But thought is ultimately immaterial, and unlike catching AIDS or having already eaten enough pizza to gain fat, you can give your mind a clean slate on any given moment. No matter how deep you are spiraling inward, the simple acknowledgement of this very fact immediately creates a gap and breaks the train of thought to bring you back to present reality. If the thoughts don’t come to a halt, at least this awareness allows you to observe them from the ‘outside’. Sometimes when I do this, I can literally feel an electrical shock running through my whole body and instantly my world becomes brighter and more clear. ‘Enlightenment’ shouldn’t be perceived as a state of mind that can only be accessed by a few individuals who are willing to climb the Himalayas. It’s something that is attained moment by moment, and it’s located at the core of every human being, available to you, right here, right now, and every nano moment is an opportunity to take it, or at least realign yourself to the right path.

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As paradoxical as it sounds, I think in some sense It is quite difficult for an artist to become fully realized – to reach his full creative potential because he is too obsessed with form.

A lot of artists and writers are actually quite ‘closed minded’ and judgmental. They have this aesthetic Nazi mentality that their shit in this corner of the gallery smells better and looks more beautiful than yours in that corner, and their desire to create is the result of their attempt to prove this belief.

So in that sense the process of creating something can arise out of a ‘violent’ gesture; A restlessness in the ego that creates a sort of ‘fragmentation of thought’, thus leading to fragmentation of the world. Artists often attempt to criticize this fragmentation with their art without self-consciously realizing that they are creating from the same fabric of fragmentation they are critiquing…like holding up a broken mirror to itself to create a meta distortion of reality. Or that through their creation artists can finally fill a void inside themselves or make the world more ‘whole’, when in fact the opposite effect turns out to be the case.

Artists also tend to form a kind of worldly attachment to the work they produce – identifying their sense of self with the objects they produce. Or watch their artistic intentions become contaminated with external motivational factors like money, fame, and sex. Their egos get bruised when people critique their art, not realizing that who they truly are are NOT the objects they create. Not saying one category is better than the other, but analogously speaking artists are like the bodybuilders of the mental realm (while bodybuilders are obsessed with the physical form of their own bodies, artists are obsessed with the mental/thought-form of their own minds)… while physicists, mathematicians, and mystics are the powerlifters who are after numbers and unseen forces.

Ironically, as one’s consciousness expands, she actually feels less of a need to create anything outside herself because the subject/object dichotomy is erased and transcended. The intrinsic urge to create presupposes a separation between Self and Others/World. So perhaps there is (personal) creativity, and then there’s (Cosmic/’divine’) Creativity. The latter is the creative energy itself – the universal source deep within our beings where all power resides; aka pure consciousness/Cosmic mind.

The former is the process of drawing from the Creative energy to manifest an idea and brings it forward to the material world. But once you become (enlightened to) this energy – the void that has the creative potential to give rise to the entire universe, every slice of your life manifests itself as your highest form of art. Everything you touch turns into gold. You don’t have to try to be creative when you are Creativity itself; when you are (both the source and the product) of your very own creation.

ps. This kind of reminds me of my high school friend who desperately wants to be more “athletic “, and jump higher so picked up playing basketall and took it seriously. What he didn’t realize was that people who have the highest vertical jumps are actually Olympic lifters.

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There are many manifestations of addiction but ultimately there is only one – the Addiction to the Self. Every line, drag, shot, vagina, cup, post, hamburger and lift is there to serve and fulfill the illusionary and forever incomplete story of “me”. Solution? Kill the self/ego and you’ll cure all addictions at once. But then again, to be human is to be addicted. So be it. just fuck it up.
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People say break up makes bodybuilders. But I think being in a relationship makes better ones. And you know how a lot of people, after they get into a relationship or get married they let themselves go and get really fat?

It should be the opposite. Without those single nights to fry your CNS and not having the courage to bring your own prep meals or count macros on tinder dates, being in a relationship can be a great opportunity to make as much gains as you can…if the other partner is also motivated to train.

We train together, harder than ever to prepare each other for next potential mates so they can be stronger and more aesthetic than what we have/are now.

It’s probably the best thing you can do for each other to ease the pain and speed up the moving on process after you go on your separate ways. At least you’ll have something to show for. You don’t want to look back on your relationships and all you can think of are Netflix, beer, pizza, tears, cum, lies and some disposable and intangible bs like birth day cards and fragmented memories. You need something harder, more wholesome and solid. Like 15 pounds of lean muscle mass.

If you look at it from a broader and more realistic perspective, the partner you have right now is most likely not going to be your last, and dating is all about practicing and preparing your angus for The One (if you believe there is. I don’t. I believe in many ones with small o).

So encourage each other. Remind each other that nothing lasts forever. Life is short and you’re not getting younger. Use each other to get better, but always with love and respect. Ps. This post applies to mental and spiritual gains. Be sure to meditate and read together too. 🙏🏿💪🏻

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In the previous post, wrote about the trajectory of the body, how it gets pulled to a point of aesthetic singularity (who zyzz was the ideal embodiment of).

I think the mind also has a unified trajectory. It doesn’t matter who you are, if you are going towards the right place you’ll end up in the same ‘place’. I’ve spoken to a few fellow travelers, and we are all going through similar phases of transcendence and transformation.

First there’s the obsession with the physical/aesthetic form – bodybuilding, sports, making money, eating a large variety of vaginas and so on (kicking off the reptilian brain).A friend puts it, one has to first “suck the world dry” before you can leave it behind. Sufferings like death of a family and losing loved ones also come with the package.

Then comes the identification with mental form – knowledge and thoughts, fundamental religious practices. Starting with material science like (evolutionary) biology, physics, neuroscience, psychology and philosophy. Clinging onto categorical mental attributes like rationality and IQ points for self-identification and self-affirmation.

Nofap, experimentation with drugs like psychedelics are also crucial cornerstones in a lot of people’s journey, and they can be embedded somewhere in between the mental and the physical.

Finally there is the part where you go beyond the mind to flip it upside down -roll it around like a tire – from being enslaved by it to becoming its master (which I’m nowhere near).Through practices like yoga and meditation, we attempt to reach into infinity, arriving at a point of nowhere – the Way,void/pure consciousness/Cosmic-mind/Brahman/Dao.

Not that any of those steps are required in that order to reach enlightenment, but I’ve seen people who don’t have the basic stepping stones getting deeper into spirituality and ending up in muddled water, resulting in cultish, religious, and psychotic behaviors because they lack base – proper tool or faculty to analyze the direction of their journeys.

Not that one can’t go back to previous phases either. In fact all of these phases can and will overlap, and be carried out in your practice in parallel and comparative fashion.
Some people ask me if I still have sex, now that I talk about meditation more than masturbation.

Some people ask me if I still have sex, now that I talk about meditation more than masturbation. Of course. I fap and have sex just as much. But the difference is that now I only think about sex when I have sex, whereas before I think about it almost 24 7…except when I’m actually having sex.

(That’s when I think about whether I’m hopping on the stair master or the treadmill for cardio afterwards, or replaying the repetitive hand motion of brushing my teeth in my mind). There is however, a major difference between the mental and the physical Omega point.

Sometimes they can even be contradicting pulls, as we all know ego-driven endeavors like bodybuilding can hinder spiritual progress

The physical singularity condenses, and moves towards harder, more refined and concrete form (a point), while the mental singularity is one of infinite expansion into the nothingness that is everything.

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Zyzz as Singularity.

When I see muscles, I don’t think of anything physical like protein, gym, weights, or even the idea of masculinity. I think of something far more abstract – namely Time itself.

Muscles (gains) are time fossilized and condensed into something very dense and concrete from the habits of the past. Like time, there is an arrow – a direction in which muscles are moving and growing towards, and manifested in form. Or rather, they are being pulled into some type of Omega point/ singularity in which all different types of physiques seek to converge.

This is your Platonic Aesthetics – the idealized physique that exists outside of space and time. A heavenly perfection that can never be achieved by mortals (yet we try our best to). Zyzz came close to this singularity during his lifetime, which is why people looked up to him as some sort of deity. He must have realized this himself, even if subconsciously, and maybe that is why he named himself Zyzz; The Son of Zeus.

After he died, he is transformed into an idea and a symbol…partly by nature, and partly by Chestbrah,Jeff Seid and the Internet. And by existing only inside our minds, he drew himself ever closer to the Platonic Aesthetics (which if you read the Republic, Socrates repeatedly suggests that any type of Form that exists as a Whole in the heavens can only be accessed by our mental apparatus). The next post will be on the trajectory of the mind’s transformation.

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It irritates me just slightly when people say you should love someone FOR WHO THEY ARE and not judge them from their physical appearance. But what you look like from the outside is the direct manifestation of your thoughts, desires, and intentions.

In fact, what you look like might tell other people more about who you are than what your thoughts can do. Thoughts are elusive, slippery, and can be altered and hidden very easily from a moment to moment basis. Assholes can very quickly turn into gentlemen when they see someone they want to fuck and get away with it until he gets it.

However, if you are obese by choice, that’s an unhealthy state of mind that is embodied in thick, oily fat that unlike consciousness, is non-elusive, rigid, and immutable. Good luck trying to tug all that inside your skull right before you see someone you like.

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For the Greeks, ideas are spirits that come to you, and not something you possess. So the person creating is not a genius but more like a ‘genie’, or a mid-wife; To deliver and manifest disembodied ideas to the material world. It is not until the Renaissance that creators take center stage, when man decided that he was going to be the measure of all things.

The genie comes and goes, and the only thing you can do is work on your craft everyday, get the vessel that is your cosmic vagina in good shape to allow the next one to come and spread his more fertile seeds.

“Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work”. – Chuck Close.

This shift in perception leaves the creator less vulnerable. If you get praised, then your ego won’t get so big that it gets in the way of the next inspirations. If you create something bad you won’t take your failure too personally. Because ultimately, no thoughts are truly yours. Consciousness is collective.

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she is one of the most innocent people I’ve ever met. Yet she’s the most sexual. How can this be ? It’s neither a paradox nor a contradiction. She is innocent and pure because like a child, she naively follows the course of (her) nature. Sexuality is a fundamental force of nature, and that energy simply flows through her without filter. That’s why fucking her is so great. It’s like dipping your penis into the entire universe, and being the empty vacuum she is, it’s effortless for her to suck your soul dry.

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I weigh the same in both pictures. The left is 2005 when I was still a virgin. But my weight has fluctuated about 20 times since then.
I remember when I used to train for relative strength, I would lift heavy, gain weight, and then lose it again and again. I would go up to as much as 175 pounds and keep going back to the 156 – 161, and each time I’m at that weight range I would be a little stronger, run faster and jump higher than the last time I was at the same weight.
Maybe the same method/process of renewal and weight cycling could be applied to aesthetics. When I got really ripped last year I was only 154-157 but I look much ‘bigger’ and more aesthetic than the last time I was at this weight. So perhaps weight is just an illusion. A number you shouldn’t cling on to. If I have eternity to achieve aesthetic perfection through this type of transcendence I would eventually weigh only 21 grams, (which they say is the weight of the soul) but finally looking like Arnold in his prime.

 

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On Why Time Accelerate As We Age and Each Year Feels Shorter. 為什麼時間越變越快

cliff: When we are younger, each slice of time is relatively larger. Each new experience is more signiificant.

They say that after you reach the age of 20, your life is half way over psychologically. This means the duration of your life, or the visceral and the subjective perception you have of how much time has passed by, goes by quicker as we age. The last 1/4 of your life is supposed to go by quicker than the previous 3/4 of it, and THAT would go by quicker than the first 1/4 of it, and so on.
Time is like a snowball that’s rolling down a hill, the more it travels, the faster it roll.Why does time seem to accelerate as we age? Part of the reason is because when we are older , we fail to be stimulated by new stimuli. When we are kids, everything we experience is new and novel. There are always new stimuli that are coming into our brains daily to stimulate our perception and cognition.
When we are constantly learning new things and are bombarded by new information and stimuli, time seems to slow down due to the brain’s need to process all the new information that is filling up its spatial-temporal dimension. Also, when we are children, our lives are filled with “boring moments” that seem to slow time down, like the way you sit in classrooms and wonder when the bell is going to go off. Our lives are also less routine-like and more unpredictable, and with unpredictability, time seems to slow down due to the way the brain takes its time to respond to and process novel situations and information. But when we grow older, we tend to live our lives through routine after routine and that nothing seems new anymore.
Time speeds up when we are more less used to everything that is happening around us. When every week/day/month is indistinguishable from each other and as predictable as the next, we lose the sense of time as it disappears and dissolves in the back of our consciousness. You know how when you drive down a new road, it always seems to feel like it takes longer to drive to the new destination than on the drive back? I think the same concept of new stimuli vs. old stimuli can be applied here.

When you drive towards a new destination, every little thing around you is registered into your brain because your brain automatically becomes more alert during new situations in case there are dangers to be avoided. But the situation becomes less novel when you drive on a road that you’ve already driven on before; your brain relaxes because it knows that there is probably not going to be any danger, so it no longer needs to process all that information that it has already processed. The brain is an efficient organ, and when it doesn’t need to do any work, it relaxes in order to save calories and energy. When the brain relaxes and stops processing every little detail in the environment, you tend to lose the sense of time. I’m looking at the first couple of decades of my life like the drive TO the new destination, and it’s kind of sad to think this way, but the rest of my life is going to seem like a drive BACK from an arrived destination if I don’t continue to experience/learn new things and find new stimulants to keep my brain busy adapting and processing new information.Also, as we get older, the ‘blocks’ of time we experience become smaller and smaller. If I am only 2 years old, then is year accounts for half of my life. If I am 1000 years old, this year is only 1/1000 of my life, which perceptually passes a lot quicker.So how do you stretch time out like a blanket? I think the simplest way to extend our life is to find new experiences and new stimuli for our brain to process and adapt to. Moving to a new country or going on a vacation to a place you’ve never been before can certainly slow time down. During my vacation days the first few days always seem a lot slower because of all the new information that my brain is taking time to process. Or we can simply be more attentive to our present environments by squeezing more experiences and stimuli out of this mortal coil and pay attention to all the little details in the world. As humans we live in the future as future oriented animals. Our minds project themselves into the future automatically with our bodies playing catch-up. During a movie we are always thinking about the ending or the dessert we are having.

Or when we are working or going to school during the week we are always looking forward to or planning the weekend. This future oriented consciousness that we have is both a blessing as well as a punishment. We are able to plan things ahead and accomplish a lot of the things that animals fail to accomplish simply by projecting our consciousness into the future. But a lot of our misery also comes at the expense of this future-oriented attitude, as most of our worries are worries and fears about the events in the future and its uncertainties. So what we can do to slow down time is simply to try to unfold our consciousness back into the present. There are just too many things that we are not paying attention to in our everyday surroundings. I can name hundreds of things that my selective attention is filtering out at this given moment that I can be contemplating about to slow down time… and that is exactly what I am going to do now.

人們說,在你到20歲之後,你的生命在心理上已經過了一半。這意味著你對生活的期限或對時間飛逝了多少,比我們的老去還快的飛逝的內部及主觀感受。最後的四分之一,這生命應該消逝得比之前的三分之四要快吧,而這之前的三分之四要比第一個四分之一過得要快,等等。時間就像一個滾下山的雪球,途經越多,滾動的速度越快。

爲什麽隨著我們老去,時間看起來似乎加速了呢?我想,部分的原因是因爲當我們年紀越大,我們越不能被新鮮刺激激勵。當我們還是孩子時,我們經歷的每件事都是新奇的,這些新鮮刺激日常地進入我們的大腦以激勵我們的感官和認知。

當我們不斷學習新事物,並被新的資訊和刺激轟炸時,時間看起來過得慢,因爲大腦需要處理所有新鮮資訊,這填滿了它的時空維度。並且,當我們還是小孩時,我們的生活充滿無聊的時刻,這使時間看起來就慢了,就像你坐在教室裏,想知道下課鈴什麽時候會響的樣子。我們的生活也更少常規化,更不可預測。這個不可預測性使得時間似乎慢了下來,因爲大腦把時間都用來應對和處理新情況和資訊了。但是當我們長大一些,我們傾向於按常規生活,事物不再新鮮。當我們多少習慣於每件發生在我們的事物時,時間於是加速了。當每周/天/月彼此再難以區分,每個未來都變得能夠預測,我們失去了時間的感覺,因爲它消失並溶解在我們的意識之後。

你知道是怎麽一回事,當你在一條新的路上行駛時,你會感覺通過這條路開到一個新的目的地,會比返回花的時間要長些麽?我認爲這是同樣概念的應用:新鮮刺激對照於不再新鮮的刺激。當你開車朝向一個新目標時,每一個細小的周圍事件都被錄入腦海因爲你的大腦在新環境下自動地變得更警覺,以備危險發生時得以逃避。但是當你往回開時,這個形勢變得沒那麽新奇了,你的大腦變得放鬆,因爲它知道可能沒什麽危險了,也因此不再對所有已經處理過的資訊進行加工。

大腦是個高效的器官。當它不需要做什麽工作時,它會放鬆以節省卡路里和能量。當大腦放鬆,停止對環境裏每個細小的細節進行加工,你傾向於喪失對時間的感覺。我把生命中頭20年開成是開車去某個新的目的地。這種想法看起來有點悲哀,但是如果我不持續經歷/學習新事物,找到新刺激以使大腦忙於適應和加工新資訊,我的餘生看起來則是從已到達的目的地往回開。

因此你要怎樣把時間像拉扯毯子一樣拉長呢?我認爲擴展生命最簡單的方法就是發現新體驗和新刺激。移居到一個新國家或去一個你從沒到過的地方度假必然地會放慢你的時間。

在我的假期頭幾天時間看起來總是過得慢一些,因爲我的大腦正在花時間加工所有的新資訊。或者,我們可以簡單地更注意我們目前的環境,通過設法得到更多超脫於日常生活中煩惱紛爭和苦難世界的經歷和刺激,把注意力放在周圍世界所有微小的細節上。

作爲人類,我們生活在未來,是個面向未來的動物。我們的頭腦隨著身體的追逐,自動地預測著未來。在一部電影中,我們總是想著故事的結尾,或是演出結束後的甜點。或者,當我們在工作日工作或上學時,我們總是期盼著或者計劃著周末。

這種面向未來的意識對我們來說,既是一種祝福,也是一種懲罰。我們能夠計劃今後的事情並完成大量動物所不能完成的事,僅僅簡單地通過把我們的意識投向未來。但這面向未來的姿態,也讓我們爲之付出了很多代價,經歷很多苦難。因爲我們大多數所憂慮擔心的是在未來發生的事件及其不確定性。因此,我們所能做的用以放慢時間的就是簡單地把我們的意識展現回到我們當前的存在。有太多的事情,以至於我們沒有把注意力放在我們周圍的環境中。在某個給定的時刻,我能說出成百件我選擇性注意過濾掉的事情,我能夠考慮放慢時間步伐。。。這正是我現在正打算去做的。

 

  
self fulfillment isn’t an act of filling but an acting of emptying. It isn’t about slapping more concepts and labels on yourself. That is only going to create more fragmentation in the ego/self and move you further away from the Truth.

The ultimate way to find yourself is simply to let go and realize that you are nothing, just like everybody else and that all boundaries between people are illusions. Only then can you enter the fullness of the ‘void’ – the perfect nothingness that encompasses and gives rise to everything.

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People say you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. It’s not about the looks, It’s all about the personality, what’s underneath, etc. but I think one has to go even deeper. it’s not even about the personality. 

Recently I’ve been trying to experience people’s core being, beyond what’s outside and inside. I couldn’t get a feel of it before because I couldn’t get in touch with mine own. But through meditation I’m slowly becoming more sensible to that void/sameness/nothingness where every individual person arises from (“soul”/pure cousciousness/Godhead etc). It’s hard. I still have judgements’ especially when I talk to people who are talking from their ego. It’s harder to let your guard down and deal with them from the core because your own ego starts to creep up as a result of self-defense. The best thing to do is just to catch it (simply becoming aware) early on like a frog catching a fly before things esculate too quickly.

Social anxiety arises from seperation. Even the people who are shy feel embarrased to talk to other people because they are too attachd to their ego and their presumed “personality “. Once we can talk to everyone as nothing more than a reflecting mirror, it would make socializing much easier because you start to treat and interact with everybody the same way.
  
Happy thanks giving everyone. This post is on mindful eating. I thought it would be a good time to post it. 

I’m cutting now and the carbs are getting lower and lower, and I’m beginning to feel the hunger. One thing to keep in mind is to eat with full awareness – eat consciously. 

Observe and witness every bite, taste every grain of rice, how you chew, how the food enters your stomach, how your stomach is digesting it, etc. Look at it. Observe closely all the colors and seasonings. Listen to it. It’s saying a lot more than just “fuck me, Eat me eat me”. Most people eat while talking, while watching tv, while using their phones. I’m always doing that too. No wonder I’m never fully satisfied. I wasn’t really eating. I was just swallowing substances without no meaning and I missed out on the whole experience. No wonder I’m still left with hunger. 

But I’m gonna try from now on to cover all my food with consciousness like the way Matt Damon put ketchup on all his Martian potatoes. Then I’ll need less food to satisfy my hunger. I’ll be full. Same with sex, and everything else in life really. Still hungry? Hold up a mirror (your consciousness) to your stomach and witness and be mindful of the sensation of hunger. Laugh at it like its a clown, then watch it dissolve into the void. Or visualize your digestive system and the formation of your poop and its texture. Eat it in your mind and that with awareness. Still hungry? Then fuck it and eat some fried chicken because you are not your body.

  
Hi everyone, hope you are all doing well. This is the only selfie I took in Europe. 

This painting, The School of Athens raised my initial interest in philosophy. It was done by Raphael, one of the big threes in the High Renaissance (Da Vinci, Michelangelo). Depicted was all the great Greek thinkers coming all together in one universe (Socrates, Zeno, Diogenes, Pythagoras, etc). The two men in the middle are Plato and Aristotle, with Plato pointing his finger up because he specialized in the heavens and abstract theories like the Platonic Forms. His pupil on the other hand focused his studies more on things of the earth, as he was one of the first person to classify plants and animals. Raphael based the entire looks of Plato on Leonardo Da Vinci. he even put himself in the painting amongst the philosophers, which I thought is meta and interesting. 

The Sistine chapel is in the next room, but I’ve always liked Raphael’s paintings more than Michelangelo’s because they are more elegant and feminine. Michelangelo was mainly a sculptor. He actually despised painting because he thought it was a lowly gesture to condense the 3 d into the 2 d. He was mad and offended when he was commissioned to paint the Sistine chapel. 

You could tell that he painted his figures as if they were sculptures. His paintings are sculptors’ painting and not a painter’s painting. And I think his figures have a hard time deciding whether they should reside in the 2 dimensional or the 3 dimensional realm. Where Raphael’s figures were perfectly happy to inhabit the flat land.
Michelangelo didn’t like Raphael because he was jelly of him. Raphael was young and handsome and got a lot of pussy. Michelangelo was gay, lonely, depressed and didn’t take bath.
When I first came across this painting I had no idea philosophers could look so bad ass. I wanted to try my best to look as cool as them so I took this selfie.
When I look at this painting I can’t help to think of one of those DC and Marvel posters where all the different super heroes from different comic books are depicted together in one single space. Except they were superheroes of the mind. #schoolofathens#kuntffffffff#

  
If you were to “personify” God he won’t have beard on his face. He’ll have a mirror. “The perfect person employs his mind like a mirror. It grabs nothing. Refuses nothing. It receives but does not keep”. BBCs is no longer the source of motivation. but from Laozu or the eastern tradition, the highest state of being is the slootiest vagina in the known universe. #feminemmind

  

  
What do my favorite endeavors; bodybuilding, meditation, masturbation and sprinting have in common ? They are all meta in nature and self sufficient/enclosed in One single system.
You use your body to build your body and making it stronger and faster. With meditation you are using the mind to think about, understand, and sharpen the mind. With masturbation even if you are fantasizing about a real girl it is still the (better, hopefully) version generated from your own brain. Self improvements that are in-of-and-for-itself, which can be done alone without depending on other people or environment or equipment like basketball or football or building a house or playing on a piano. Even something as simple as posting a status on FB still requires FB and shitload of other connectivities outside oneself. (i know you need weights but even when you pick up the dumbell and lifting it, you are still using your own body to lift itself,not to mention single legged squats and one hand push ups can be done even if you only have one limb). There’s something very comforting about this. a Wholeness kind of feel. You can be stuck on an island and still get shit done. In Here you can always be the master of your own universe.

 
Jeff Seid had hacked my mind once again.

in the near future bodybuilders get to wear body suits like powerlifters to increase strength in aesthetics and ego.

There are two types of suits, natty and non-natty. The non-Natty suits are more toxic and you could only wear it for 5 minutes until it’s toxicity starts to eat away your real flesh. So it’s a fast acting drug like nicotine or DMT where you can slip one on during lunch breaks and go on a quick ego trip while having a chat and maybe hit on some girls and then take it off. Natty suit is more permanent, and as long as you take care of it and maintain it like a car you can use and reuse it for years. 

I hopped on the hype and order a Jeff Seid suit on the deep web. I brought it to a movie date and went to the bathroom and quickly put one on during the trailers. I went out in full confidence and fucked the shit out of my date in the theater as fast as I could before the movie could start and then quickly slipped it off like a used condom and flushed it down the toilet. It felt good, but I didn’t even get to cum.

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The desire to be secure and the feeling of insecurity is the same thing. The more you try to be secure the more insecure you become. You are way too large for your ego to worry about this. You are not put into the universe, but you are part of the universe’s ever-ongoing unfoldment. Most of our problems arise from this fragmented and dualistic thinking: you think you are either the light illuminating from inside you OR what could be seen through that illumination. The truth is, you are both. 

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I like the idea of a spiritual/Zen bodybuilder. Lumps of hard muscles enclosed on nothingness: void of pure consciousness, sitting in the dark corner of the gym and meditating. It has no identity or pride…it doesn’t take selfies or flex at anybody, yet somehow it continues to lift and eat with utter efficiency under the most intense source of inner drive and motivation. It has no end physique goals but make infinite gains by staying in the present moment – one rep at a time. The zen slut described in the next post would be his ideal mate.

I also like the idea of a spiritual/Zen pornstar/slut/prostitute. Her perfect 10/10 ass houses pure consciousness, as she floats above it to meditate in the middle of the dance floor, night in and night out. Fully sober. Fully aware. Fully present. She doesn’t need to dance or act flirtatious, since men automatically get sucked into her bottomless void. She is the perfect cum bucket because she is completely empty but fully receptive. She feels no pride or disgust because she realizes the ego and the body to be illusions and witnesses her actions from a distance without judgement. She is not controlled by animal desires, yet she continuously engages in the most hardcore of sex acts, driven by deep seated source of bliss, compassion and selfless love. The zen bodybuilder described in the previous post would be her ideal mate.

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Someone asked me today what I think of Sasha Grey, the famed pornstar known for over the top hard core almost to the point of snuff films. I thought that was an interesting question. While I don’t like or dislike her, In some ways I can almost relate to her. Or you can say I feel for her. 

She goes balls out, exposing her body and pushing the envelope for what she believes to be her “art”, justifying her actions with 2deep4u quotes from the likes of Heidegger and Godard. Whether it works or not or if you agree with her is besides the point. People talk shit about her, but they probably wack off to her anyway. Her family probably wants nothing to do with her. And she tries desperately to prove to other people she is more than the sum of her flesh by writing poetry and appearing in arthouse films.
Some people call my videos ‘mind-porn’, aside from the obvious connotations with ‘mindfucking’ and the way I talk about sexuality and having sex with ideas, they are something that they consume alone and privately. They don’t talk about them or share them with friends or family. While I do expose my body, it’s mainly my mind/soul that I’m bearing naked to invite people to enter and penetrate as deeply as possible (and vice versa), to express myself while providing entertainment for the selected few. This makes the core of my being vulnerably exposed. A lot of people in real life – strangers, my family members (especially after my episodes in the Taiwanese media) even friends or acquaintances who aren’t particularly amused by or ‘get’ my videos look at me with judgmental, incriminating eyes. #rainbow#blow#thoughtcrime#50shadesofgrey#mentalcum#teens#spankwire

Fitness and physical health is the most important thing in life. Every other goal you have is secondary. You might think you can get away with not taking care of your body now but it’ll catch up to you later and all the things you think are important to you now will pale in comparison to your health and physical shape. If you are not exercising and eating right, then you should get your priority straight. Right now. And if you are, no matter how shitty you think everything else in your life is, if you are making health gains and staying fit you are progressing as a human being. feel free to disagree. #simple #truth #hurt #fronkyong #fitness #lie

 
This is the girl I hung out with last weekend which I spammed the unfolding events here on Ig. I thought it was going to be a one time thing but it really surprised me that she struck a chord deep inside my gut. Our attractions are non theoretical and purely instinctual. I’m looking at the purest female manifestation of the Id I’ve ever come across. When I’m with her, I feel like I’m stuck inside my favorite amateur porn, but with more grains. Or it feels like I’ve just been offered heroine after kicking the habit of all other lesser drugs. 

I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone with more sexual energy, but I think it’s because she hasn’t found any other ways to re-channel it, so her entire consciousness is bottled up by fantasies of the most twisted kind. 

Growing up in catholic schools probably contributed to that, but after hearing about her childhood I think it’s largely genetics. I told her I’m a recovering sex addict and she asked me to go back to my old ways, but I said I want to show her different ways to manifest this energy, or we drag each other down to rock bottom, which might not be so bad because it might be one way to come out of the other side. It’s quite a challenge really, and I’m looking forward to it. Ps I think I can finally understand why Kayne married Kim Kardashian #feels #struggle #pleasure #pain #nightmare #hellsangel #grannydeath. @vidadadada

Jeff Seid

I had another prophetic vision about Jeff #Seid. We were training our back by face pulling the train that killed Greg #Plitt. Sort of like a way of remembering him.
Then we took a selfie together for Instagram and he did the asian V sign and gave a bunch of shout outs to the camera even though he knew it was a pic not a vid. Then suddenly I felt his hand on my dick. I was sure it was an accident because he pulled it back explosively and pretended nothing happened, but nevertheless I was rock hard…but it wasn’t because I was turned on but because I needed to pee (carry over from waking life). I became embarrassed and I wanted very much to confess the difference, but before I could he showered my soul by disclosing his own confession; that it wasn’t an accident his hand fell on my penis, he wanted to touch it. I smiled and withheld my own truth, and then he nodded and tagged me on his page and I gained thousands of new followers instantly. @jeff_seid #nohomo #natty #sexy #cancer #lucid #waking #love #life #shrek #shrug #sharkgym #double #deception #meta


kitty

My material for gf is… 1. BBC genetics.
2. She doesn’t have to be intellectually deep. But she has to feel deeply and intensively about everything that she thinks is beautiful, which could be anything, especially things that are mundane and boring to me.
3. She is artsy without being an artist or looking hipster. She looks basic on the outside, and dresses like the type that you take to clubs for people to mire. But inside there has to be something more, preferably something fucked up, saying unexpected shit like this during sex; “I’m going to stop moving now and pretend I’m a blow up doll and you have to make me real. You are the only person I know who has enough imagination to do this.” – @kitty_780913

I really like thIs girl. But I’m a bit afraid of her. She’s like the black swan/BBC version of Vivian. They have similar feels, write almost exactly the same stuff on FB statuses. Come to similar conclusions about life on shrooms. coincidentally they ended up working at the same club in Singapore. One time we went shopping and I picked out a pair of underwear for her. I found the exact same pair in my closet where Vivian puts her old stuff.
She’s one of the few people in my life that hasn’t grown tired of my shit, not even for a second. I think it’s because I’ve known her for a year but I’ve only seen her 5 times. But like max effort squats, that should be applied sparingly due to its traumatic and powerful effect on the body and mind, our brief encounters happen at the edge of consciousness, fueled by endless exchange of bodily and artificial fluids. This is how I’m planning to keep her around for life. By keeping a distance and by never making her a gf or develop #romance.
What’s your material like?
#shark #hypertrophy #human #genome #bbc #mdma #rice #deep #throat #thought


Japanese virtuoso performs Mendelssohn’s violin. Heard and played this piece many times so I tried to do and perceive something different. To deconstruct it not particularly musically this time.
#Note to self:
I tried to strip all the proxy away to get to the core of the ‘music’ aka deeper and underlying structure to reveal a Whole from fully functional parts. I’m sitting in the back so I can’t see the musicians because usually I check them out rather than getting beyond the physical conduits. Starting with the orchestra, I get rid of each person starting with soloist then the instruments starting with the violins until you get a Lynchian sound-without-band/Deleuze body-without-organ type thing.

Then I strip away the sheet music on the stands and the musical notes on it and finally the sounds until everything became a frozen spatial architecture not limited by a single dot moving through time that only discloses itself one slice at a time on a moment by moment basis. tried to visualize this shape and then strip away the variations of it by reducing the architecture into smaller and smaller bits until it’s just the core that all other shapes arises from, which if you translate it back to sheet music it’s maybe a few bars long and so small that it can actually fit inside my brain.

The performance itself gets better and grows with each movement. The whole thing was very smooth and minimalistic, rolling without sharp edges. Not shiny at all, which was not surprising becoz it’s kinda Japanese I guess…It felt like, instead of scratching my itch with his finger nail once or twice to get rid of it he smoothened it out with the tip of his fingers 20 times.
Because I was playing around with the deconstructing and the Witnessing thing, it wasn’t until by the second half of the last movement that I finally I felt a physiological response. And It’s not until the last page that My body began to respond to these responses and moving my hands and feet and head and eyeballs. Usually I can’t zoom out so I get the physical reaction from the start. Next time I want to be aware of all levels simultaneously.


Return letter to /fit,
Dear /fit miss you inside #Scoobys plane #Asia needs bypass code berry expensive for tickets to post so now busy #selfie and vagina away from Palm fold and transcend to heterogenous cooperate secretary wombs. Once propel plane with skatersquaat back to AMercian Will start posting again spatial-temporally in #phenomenological /fit love FRonk aka Tom cruise the sprinting part aka #human #acid trip 142 lbs Bradd Pitt fight club aka asian american psycho. By @sarahmargaretlee


This is one of the most trollish paintings in the history of art and it reveals much about life.

Anamorphosis is a form of suspense of a hidden knowledge that once disclosed, drastically alternate your belief in the particular reality you are presented with.

The Ambassadors, a painting that discloses the heroic accoutrement of the Renaissance is a classic example of this.
Look carefully at the bottom of the painting. If you tilt your head and change the perspective of the elongated stain, it turns into a skull. The surplus of this information renders the feels and meanings of the painting completely, into a remainder of death and mortality.

Another example is watching a scene from a film thinking what X is happening is true, but then be confronted with another cut (either before or after depending on if you are watching the film in order) that changes X to Y. We are confronted with anamorphosis on a daily basis, a lot of the times we live with a sense of hidden knowledge, and a lot of it that we choose to hide from ourselves.

A good example of this is when a father chooses not to confront with the status of his daughter’s virginity.
For me anamorphosis works in multiple levels as one descends deeper into ‘truth’, and we navigate through life by disclosing and concealing certain truths in multiple layers of play between the imaginary and reality, and our perceptions and desires are always framed and predicated upon certain surplus knowledge and anamorphic stains.
Seen this way, fantasy is not just imagination running wild, but is grounded and enacted from certain pieces of reality and frames of references of the object that our subjectivity gains access to. #Renaissance #painting #art #history #fantasy #real #imaginary #troll


I speculate that one of the reasons why the fitness community in the world is flourishing in recent years is due to the fact that our lives hover so much in the abstract (Internet, social medias, smart phones, and etc) that we need something solid and concrete to hold on to and ground ourselves with.
My friend said the more he is addicted to his smart phone the harder he needs to lift and more muscles he needs to built for counter balance. Of course the Internet also provides information and knowledge about diet and training that would be inaccessible otherwise.

I put out my first video the week Youtubebecame available. And at that time there were still not very many people who knew how to squat or deadlift properly. I remember having to order video tapes from Westside Barbell to watch squat videos and you never had to wait for squat racks. Now everywhere you go there are people squatting and deadlifting.

Me and my friend @2ezpz were watching some of the videos of us working out together at our home town years and years ago and he pointed out that we are in fact the fitness pioneers of the digital age. I don’t know about that, but Im proud to say that years before, Hodgetwins, Elliott, gym shark Zyzz (I heard Zyzz actually watched my videos before he started lifting and that I ‘inspired’ him to troll with muscles on) there I was squatting deep and uploading such information and movements (and other aspects of our lives) onto the infinite space of the Internet aka collective subconscious and I’ll continue to do so for the next 50 years. Thanks for being there and contributing to this collective journey #deep #swaut #internet #penetration #squat #deadlift


kitty2
Imperfection comes a long way. I like things to be just a tiny bit fucked up.

One part of this is perceptual – when you look at something that is “perfect”it leaves no room for the imagination to work on filling the gap, making it mind numbing.

The other is psychological – when someone acts like he cares about something too much, it’s kind of low movies that take themselves too seriously. That’s probably why girls don’t like guys that are under 8 percent bf and eat super clean.

That’s why I’m not into fitness chicks or Victoria secret models as much as girls that look like they kind of lift but has that tiny bit of extra love handles on their stomach. That’s why those college girls that drink beer and eat pizza are so hot because they don’t give a fuck. There’s something pussy about Being too anal.

Too mechanical. Too meticulous. Too deliberate. Too robotic. Like the musician that plays every note in tune. I’d rather listen to someone who fucks up here and there and plays with emotions and is so flow and ‘cool’ that he doesn’t even care if messes up.

If you don’t care yourself that you mess up and you mess up, it’s a lot more convincing than if you care a lot about not messing yet still messes it up. I also dislike photos or videos that are super crystal clear. I love grains and old tv static. It’s less real, more dreamy.


From a certain perspective, ‘materialism’ is not “materialistic”. Or I should say, it is a symptom of a larger set of problems . When someone wants to buy/collect something, he is merely trying to communicate his mind. When a man wants to buy a car to please his girlfriend or to show off to his friends he is asking for (and buying) love and acceptance, which is anything but material based, it is sentimental and emotional. In a way, materialism does not exist. In b4 language game. #materialism #car #friendship #game #language #consumption


(This is not a dream but a series of images that when strung together like pearls sounds like a short story played out in my head during meditation). I wasn’t sure if I was just really old or if I was my grandpa who hates my guts but is now at the hospital for faking a heart attack because one of our maids who is probably also fucking my dad won’t give him a hand job (this part is real) I was about to walk across the Great Wall of china with nothing but a cane and a bag of whey and no water to get to a tiny hard core powerlifting gym in the other side to train with a 4 feet tall, 90 pound powerlifter who lives in there. The walk was going to take months or even years but I was determined to make it. About a month into the solitary walk a pink Lamborghini pulled next to me and as the window rolled down I saw a black man with perfect physical aesthetics wearing the hybrid of Samuel L Jackson and Pharrall Williams for a face and Armani and Jordans for shoes and socks and everything else in between. He had corn rolls that glistered not from unwashed oil but from a sense of newness not found in nature. It seemed to have the plant like ability to roll and cleanse themselves under optimum sunlight and temperature. “Would you like a ride across the Great Wall?” He asked me with the perfect American (lack of) accent. He grinned and each teeth was a mirror that served as perfect reflections of the worlds. I thought about it for a long time. Finally I said, “Sure. Under one condition. If we don’t say a word to each other during the entire ride”. I always hate getting ride from people I don’t know that well because all the chit chats are waste of time and if I established right from the start that none of us shall talk then it’s less awkward. Kind of like pointing out a person’s pimple right when you meet her for the first time instead of knowing its existence but pretending not to see it. In this case the pimple was the silence. The first thing I realized once I hopped into his car was how the interior was completely off. The windows were manual and the seats were dirt old and cheap and definitely wasn’t leather. The steering wheel looked scratched out but you could barely make out the contour of a Toyota logo. The ride was smooth. Despite the shitty interior the sound proof system was so future that not only could you not hear even the tiniest particle of sound, but it’s turned inside out: When I turned on the music it was silent. When I tried to talk it was silence that came out. He didn’t say a single word. (He couldn’t anyway). In fact he was so silent that he didn’t even breathe. My mirror neurons started firing and soon I was also holding my breath too. So here we are, holding our breaths in total vacuum of silence driving down the Great Wall of China with nothingness on our minds. Then something started to arise from this stillness. It was a thought. Or more specifically, the image of a black cock crawling it’s way from the peripheral of my consciousness towards the center – hovering in mid space. Since there was nothing else that exists in my mind at this point, there was nothing to determine the true nature of this thought, rendering the size of it completely obsolete and indeterminate. But that was enough to get me curious. I had to determine the size of this thing with my mouth in order to scratch that itch at the bottom of my subconscious. Slowly I moved my arm towards the driver’s crotch. But as my fingers reached their destination, there was nothing to be stripped away. There was no zipper. There was no Armani jeans. No Jordan sneakers. Actually I should say that these things from a material perspective existed and were right there in front of me…but they were stripped of their functionalities by being one and the same as his body (instead of something that covers up his body as a separate entities) therefore their existence, at least from a phenomenological perspective was meaningless. Which means that not only was his muscular physique an illusion but he had no penis. I closed my eyes so I could comprehend and reason through the philosophical implication of this madness. But something else more profound was taking place. The physical impossibility of what happens next could not be articulated here. It would be like trying to imagine the 5th dimension. But as I opened my eyes I found his head resting comfortably on my crotch. He was sucking my cock gently while keeping his eyes glued to the road; his tongue moved in precise synchrony with the movement of the lambo which was being driven smoothly at 200 miles a hour through the curvatures of the Great Wall! It was a classic display of road head alright, but like everything else that has been happening, it was reversed and turned inside out… This was the end of my 20 minute meditation.


I remember commenting on Ogus’s status one day when he posted a screen shot of his channel reaching 80k subs. I asked him whether he would feel like he was lifting for subscribers, and that what gets inside his blood stream and pump the muscles are not proteins but abstract numbers and digital representations of people he’s never met, and the number of his followers and his muscles grow in synchrony in a feedback loop.
Can’t say I’m not guilty of this to a certain extend (not that it’s a bad thing). But on this bulk I would like to approach it from the opposite direction. I want to absorb, quietly but attentively and fill my entire body with all the negativities, adversities, misunderstandings of life and when I go to the gym I can release and turn the energy outward into positive energy and use them as bumpers to bounce off of the hole in the deep squat or on the bench.
I also want to observe and pay attention to the changes in the (negative) spaces around my body rather then the contours and shapes of my body itself. I remember in drawing classes the good teachers always recommend the students to not just look at and draw the lines on the subject but everything else around it to gain a broader perspective. The same could be applied to bodybuilding.

How’s the space in the elevator different now that my biceps are bigger? What does the kitchen smell like now that my body needs more protein? How does that girl position herself when she’s on top of me now that I have abs? And what is the content of her mind as a result of this difference? Are the bumpers on the road of life being ironed out by my muscles so I can go further and higher? Am I getting bigger or is the world getting smaller ? #negative #space #clean #bulk #feels #nonsense #contour #absorption #sleep @atlas_athletics14


Read a quote by Freud today. He said that love is the “psychosis of the normal people”. What he means is that most people only experience attributes of mental illness, delusions, euphoria, drug experiences, meditative states, and various other signs of altered states of consciousness through love (and also sex. For most people, sex is the only activity they are allowed to totally ‘let go’ without filter and return to a primal state of being). In other words, love is one of the only legit high most people get to experience.

But what about people that experience these things on a regular basis (other than love) anyway? does love seem to lose its significance and perhaps becomes pale in comparison to all other possible altered states one can choose to experience and express?
What about swingers with multiple mental disorders who are madly love with each other, combine multiple drugs on a regular basis and read Freud too? They’ll probably just feel like they are cats. #Freud #love #sex #cat #altered #consciousness #euphoria #psychosis #normality #troll

kitty3


He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you (Nietzsche) …. unless you grab onto your own ass and be reminded of the materiality of flesh, and thus your mortality. The more massive the flesh, the more you are able to hold on to the physical reality.
This is also why I love women with big butts. During sex the mind is expressed in, and projects itself into one of the deepest abysses known to mankind, and I don’t know how many times I’ve held myself back from falling into this immeasurable depth completely by holding tightly onto their torsos for dear life.
But the ultimate question is, why cling on to reality? What’s wrong with given yourself up to the abyss and become a monster?


kitty5

On sleep.

how many hours of sleep do you get? how many do you need? I’m always afraid to go to bed because I’m always bombarded by thoughts.
I think children’s nightmares and scary bedroom stories that has to do with sleep might have been an extension of the fact that we are all scared of our own minds and that before we fall asleep it’s when we are the most alone with our thoughts in the entire day, in complete darkness.

What happens after you fall asleep can be comforting though,

The unconscious, dreamless sleep is the great equalizer of humanity. No matter if you are the president of the United States or Bin Ladin or a homeless guy, when you fall asleep you are all rendered the same.
In a way, the unconscious state is the more Nature state where all is One. When you wake up in the morning you emerge out of Oneness to be individuals who goes on to live different lives…and for many this act is rather tedious and unnatural ; you have to drag yourself out of bed and ingest artificial chemicals to stay at a certain state of being. If dreamless sleep is a mini death, then perhaps actual death is the most natural state of being…a place our lives naturally fall ‘back’/ return to to be one with the universe.

Photo by @being_frank_yang
#sleep #death #natural #state #being #emergence #unconscious #bed #nightmare #darkness


Whenever I couldn’t sleep…I would lie on my bed and imagine water flowing into my bedroom. All of a sudden there’s a huge flood and before having time to react to my surroundings, I am floating in the middle of the ocean. I love looking at the horizon of the ocean because it’s the only straight line in nature (straight lines are signs of artificiality and construction…everything else in nature except this line is wiggly). When you are surrounded by the ocean with nothing else around you and nothing else in sight except the water, the sky, and the horizontal line between them, you feel a sense of wholeness and totality.
There’s something nostalgic about floating in the middle of the ocean while lying on your own bed because when you can no longer see the coast, you’d realized that NOTHING has changed here. Everything on earth, from rocks to mountains, from art to technology, from the length of my hair to the entropic decay of my grandmother’s corpse are changing and evolving… everything except here: an identical stretch of water and the horizontal line between the ocean and the sky.
What I am seeing here was seen by pterodactyls and the Homo erectus, and it still covers two thirds of the globe. The greater part of the earth has remained the same despite earthquakes and natural/ artificial catastrophes, and it will probably remain unchanged until the end of earth’s existence.

Here is where I can relax my body and feel like I’m sitting comfortably in silence with an old friend; where there are no parts or divisions but only wholes. There’s no need to move things around, add or replace things because everything is simply what it is IN ITSELF. In this world there is no iPod, no facebook, no cars, no clocks, no knives, no pussy and food or any other types of objects or temptations. Desires are finally put out… not that they are fulfilled because there are no holes to fill in the first place. Desires simply don’t exist for me in that space, and you don’t have to think hard about things or make decisions, you can just switch off your mind to allow the homogeneous whole of the ocean to flow through you…(see comments for full confession).

kitty6


I love him because he loves her. She would have stayed with me forever, and took in all of my bs in the depth of her heart, but I couldn’t let her do that to herself. And we wouldn’t be free. Thanks for setting us free.

kitty7


My experience with a maid… True story from my childhood. 我的菲傭經驗
which really puts things into (or out of) perspective for me. It was then when I realized that reality was not what it seemed, and absurdity was what governs most of life under the surface.
My maid mindfucked me, and as a result, I went on at the same quest.

When I was 9, my parents hired this incredible maid to take care of housework and to babysit my baby brother.

My first impression was, damn this woman was dumb. So I stole my dad’s encyclopedias and forced her to read it. I would lecture her when she was trying to wash dishes and afterwards test her knowledge and to see if she got any smarter. I remember one time, she couldn’t distinguish between a cheetah and a leopard, so I hit her in the head with my own head and she fainted on the floor for 10 minutes and woke up with a red face. My dad beat me up for it…but I am positively sure that she faked it to get me in trouble.

She also stole my fucking Jurassic park T-shirt. I remember looking for it for weeks, and then I saw it in her closet. She told me that she bought that for her son, but that I could have it as a gift if I wanted! Fucking epic.

One thing she was proud of was that, being such a good maid/baby sitter, she could make my brother eat everything and anything (because apparently my brother would never eat when my mom fed him). That’s all good and sweet, except for one thing – my brother was still skinny as a goddamn monkey and never gained so much as half a pound despite all that food he was supposedly be “eating”. So I figured she must be up to something, either throwing it away or hiding it underneath the bed or worse, fed it to our dogs. So I hid in the bathroom when she was feeding my brother during lunch, and she fucking ate that baby food shit herself to make it look like my brother ate it (see comment to cont.)

kitt7


Back when I was a virgin. You could tell from my expression that I had less formal logic and more protein in my hair. I read a report which states that picking up girls for short term relationships and one night stands take more logic and left brain because you coldly strategize to get into their pants by recognizing patterns and what not. But during a long term relationship you rely more on creativity, imagination and emotions to keep it interesting and fresh. Take that with a grain of salt.. Funny tho. #country #young #boy #no #vascularity #creativity #logic #face #reason #virgin

kitty78

Everyday that I wake up in the morning I experience a rush of euphoria of being in possession of the human brain. I jump out if bed as if I am about to test drive a high ended technology from an advanced alien civilization. #alien #civilization #breakfast #eggs #time #brain #body #waking #friend. @kitty_780913

kitty9


過去,我們一天的時間好像是以用餐時間作規畫區隔。我們所關注的終極問題就是:食物在哪裡?這可以吃嗎?我要跟誰分享這食物?

而現在,有了數位社群媒體,我們的生活看似被分成兩部份:值得拍照上傳的時刻和不值得這麼作的時刻。我們會問自己:我該拍什麼?這個值得拍下來嗎?我要分享給誰看?

今日我們攝取的是抽象養份-是滋養心靈的時間區段,而非滋養身體的養份。人類現在不用尖利的長矛刺穿獵物了,我們只需高舉手機或數位相機,便可穿透時間與記憶。

我們愛拍食物的原因之一是:藉由拍食物,可以攝取上面所說的兩種養份。因此,食物自拍照有了雙重意義。

藝術家更把這點發揮到極致。我有一位導演朋友,MAX,他說自己最愛外拍一整天後,回到家看自己所拍的膠卷,看一整晚。這是他勞力轉化成的果實,是他將相機當成武器,獵取到的戰利品。

導演剪輯影片時那種切片的方式,就像獵人殺了獵物並將牠的肉切片,煮給家人吃一樣。唯一的不同點是:藝術家要填飽的是心靈,他們從心靈最深處挖掘出意象、想法或靈魂,帶回來與社會大眾分享,分食。即使過程中,可能會損害心理健康也在所不辭。

Translated by Shu Fang Yang
https://shufantranslation.wordpress.com/

Our days used to be structured and divided between meals. The ultimate question was, “where is the food? Can this or that be eaten, and who should I share this food with”?

With digital and social media, our lives in some sense are now divided into the significance of moments worth photographing and upload and moments that are not. “What should I photograph? Is this or that with capturing? Who should I share this moment with”?

What we consume now are much more abstract – temporal blocks that nourishes (or diminishes) the mind instead of the body.
Instead of sharp spears that penetrate animal bodies, we hold up our phones and digital cameras to penetrate time and memory.

Part of the reason why we love taking pictures of food is because the action is consuming both of the previously mentioned elements – lending food selfies a double significance.

I feel like artists take it to the next level. My filmmaker friend Max said he loves going home after a whole day of shooting and spend all night looking at his footage – the fruit of his labor of what he captured on film with cameras as weapons.

The way filmmakers chop and slice their films down during editing is analogous to the way hunters kills and slice up their prey and cook the meat to their families. Except what artists are feeding are minds, bringing back imageries and ideas or souls of people from the deep terrains of their minds to the rest of society to consume, sometimes risking their mental wellbeing during the process.

10986703_699011036878090_2329835702721257625_n

Photo by @minalroar The reason why people should lift and build a nice physique is not that an aesthetic physique and muscles are end of all ends, but it is the perfect cherry to put on top of anything and everything you do in life.

In a way, having a nice physique is kind of like being high on caffeine or cannabis (except you are high all the time) – it makes everything you do in life just a little bit (or a lot) better, more aesthetic and efficient – especially the small and mundane things like cleaning your record player, staring at your grandmother’s hands, mowing the lawn while whistling out of tune because you can’t hear anything, showing your friends how to roll a joint, walking your dog mindlessly and picking up its dog shit, making scratch marks with your fingernails on your desk during work, sleeping and dreaming and talking online with or without the webcam with somebody you’ve never met in real life, buying diet coke from McDonald… .. @being_frank_yang #mcdonald #coke #diet #life #rice #eat #meal #high #lick


Photo by @minalroar. Translated by ShuFan Yang. #happiness #sad #pAradox #feels #gxxxf #fear #fall #fake #smile #euphoric #taipei #tltr #flexforall2 #LOA
I never want to be too happy.
Happiness is a dread if it is achieved. Aristotle said that everything is a means to happiness, and that the goal of everything we do in life is to ultimately achieve happiness.
Happiness is the end of all means, the absolute and objective goal of all human life. But I find anxiety in happiness; whenever I am happy, I feel guilty because something deep inside me keeps reminding me that I’m NOT supposed to be this happy.
Why? I’m not too sure myself.
Perhaps it’s because there’s always a trade off for being happy. I would find myself asking myself – What it is that I am missing or trading off by being happy?
Sometimes the uncertainty of the trade offs that I made with myself and with the world by being too happy brings a sense of absurdity and fear into the feeling of happiness itself. Or maybe I feel guilty because despite my happiness, there is still endless misery, unhappiness, and despair in my life and the lives of others; and sometimes I feel as if I am happy it is at the expense of people and animals and things (including myself) that are miserable and wretched. So there you can see the irony and the paradox.

Also, when I am happy, I feel like I’m on the top of the world. But when you are standing on the pinnacle, the only place left to go and will end up is DOWN. And there’s a certain sense of dreariness and anxiety that is coupled with this feeling of being-on-top-and-having-no-place-to-go-but-down.

Another reason why I fear happiness is due to the lack of potentialities it inhabits. When I am not happy, I have something to strive for – to BE happy. With potentiality comes possibilities, dreams, and desires. When I am already happy, what’s there to strive and desire for? When I’m already happy I find myself in a lazy state of mind where I stop trying to achieve something I’m driven to and is capable of achieving when I am not happy.

kitty10

快樂之悖論

https://digitalairair.wordpress.com/2010/09/18/196/

我從來不想過得太快樂。快樂一旦讓人攫取,就可能成為某種不安。亞里士多德曾說過:萬事萬物皆是通往快樂的渠道,我們一生中所做的每件事最終都是為了得到幸福與快樂。快樂是一切的目的,是所有人生所追求的絕對客觀的目標。但快樂時,我也感覺到一種焦慮。當我快樂時,會有種罪惡感,因為我心裡會有一個聲音不斷地叮嚀著:我不應該這麼快樂。

為什麼呢?我也不太確定。也許是因為要活得快樂,總要付出一些代價。有時我會問自己-為了得到快樂,我究竟失去了什麼,付出了什麼?有時候活得太快樂,卻不知自己付出了什麼,讓我覺得有點荒唐,因而這份快樂變成一種恐懼。也許我的罪惡感來自於:儘管我自己覺得快樂,但在我自己或其他人的人生中,仍有無盡的悲慘、不幸、絕望…有時我覺得自己的快樂是建築在別的人事物(甚至我自己)的悲慘痛苦之上。那這種諷刺與矛盾感就不難理解了。此外,當我快樂時,覺得自己站在世界的頂端。但人在最高峰,唯一能前進的方向就只有「往下」。雖在頂點卻不得不往下,總有些淒涼不安。

快樂令我害怕的另一個理由,也許是因為它缺乏發展潛力。當我不快樂時,我會有努力奮鬥的目標-追求快樂。有努力空間,才有可能性,才有夢想和欲望。要是我已經很快樂了,那還能努力什麼,欲求什麼呢?我一定會陷入怠惰狀態,失去努力的動力,而無法達成不快樂時所能完成的目標。不幸可視為一種現實狀況與障礙,必須克服才能達到更高層次的存有。我討厭完美,跟討厭不完美一樣。對我來說最美的藝術是有點瑕疵、漏洞,有不完美之處的。不完美帶來欲求和想像-我們的心靈樂於填補漏洞,修補瑕疵。心靈幻想創造出來的完美典型,正是其自身最好的養分。所以在現實和虛構之間必須創設出一個隱喻概念的空間,維持一段距離/差距。因為要是現實與虛構間的距離縮短了,欲望就會被消滅。想像力總會創造一種理想化的完美典型,而所謂的完美實際上往往是不完美的,因為它跟心靈想像出來的完美典型仍然不能等量齊觀。

這麼說吧,對我而言,追求快樂就像看裸女。當我跟女生親熱,或看著一個穿衣服的女生,我總會想像她裸體的樣子。在我腦中這裸體的畫面總是完美而理想化的。但若她真的脫掉衣服,所有的不完美都會開始滲入我美好的想像中。也許她的乳頭顏色太深,也許肚子上那層脂肪平常都被緊身褲巧妙遮住了,還有屁股上那些細小皺摺,太過茂盛的陰毛…。這時我的腦袋出現一種認知上的不和諧。我腦中自己生成的理想化圖像-她的裸體「應該」像什麼樣子(部分完美),以及她實際身體的畫面(部分不完美)。這兩者互相碰撞時,理想化的裸體(正)加上實際上的裸體(反)會生成一種新的圖像/存有(合),正如辯證法的正-反-合。我腦中呈現的圖像,與眼睛所看到的景像不符,超乎我的意識範疇結構,而無法理解。感覺像是一種嗡鳴、安吶其式,缺乏一致性的一團混亂與困惑。正因體驗到這種亂無章法的真實與美好幻想對立,我的老二退縮到不確定的抽象空間-在真實與象徵空間中游移不定,而無法完成它的重責大任…總之,我感到快樂的那一刻,同時也變得不快樂。這不快樂又會重新展開,生出快樂。因此對我來說,快樂的唯一方法就是在不快樂時,努力追求快樂這個游移不定的目標,而快樂只存在於抽象與可能性的虛擬境界。


I’ve lost (successfully reduced) my sex drive…by 75 percent compared to a year or two ago. I feel liberated, but at the same time I feel like my dog just died. But I’m not worried because I’m willing to bet that my current sex drive is still higher than the average male.
I feel a little lost and confused sometimes because there is a void in my mind that used to be filled with pornographic imaginations, and I feel like I’m carrying around a huge empty sphere on my head that I don’t know what to do with.

In fact, my day to day, moment to moment state of mind/subjective feels is very different now.

My mind was shaped like a jumbled up bundle of mess that’s twisted and intertwined in all directions and is composed of information about the past or theories and ideas i read from books. If you look at it from far away, it looks like a static, unmoving, stubborn dot.

Now my consciousness is more like waves rather than a particle, with information freely scattered and floating through out and surfing on empty spaces waiting to be ‘clicked’ or collapsed… But until then it remains a mere potentiality. It feels more like Instagram photos and the Internet itself rather than a big fat book shaped like a BBC.
I no longer dream, and have less to say, especially in social situations.
Most importantly, I feel healthy and younger, more peace,bliss and joy.
What I want to say is that through meditation, proper diet, exercise, one can drastically alter and transform his consciousness and all experiences in life.
I wonder how I would look at feel a year from now.

#new #body #mind #2015 #recover #sex #addiction #time #vascularity #story #life #bbc #TIP #RIP. Photo by @kaleyrex thanks to @john.hollywood.coach for the cut

kitty56


Went to a friend’s birthday party last night. Usually I have nothing to say at social events unless I’m trying to pick up sluts. But it doesn’t mean I’m not having fun. I like inspecting and scrutinizing people’s physiques and mental apparatus. These two guys were interesting. The one on the left is a physicist from Oxford, and you can just tell from his expression that his thought process is at a different wavelength. The one on the right is his friend who is a lawyer.
I asked the physicist if he looks at the world and unconsciously breaks it down to finer and finer components until he gets to the atoms and empty spaces, he LOLed and asked me what I do. I said I make films and he asked me if I look at the world and think about how to frame for shots and edit scenes in my mind and I said yes, all the time. That’s all we talked about. #FrankYang #real #life #cool #story #brah #physics #black #hole #taipei #alcohol #wine #shy

And Balls-Deep look at Sex and Orgasm

“The orgasm is man’s first true meditative state” – Osho

The original definition of an orgasm means “a mini death”. If you have a really good one, it certainly feels like some kind of god-like light is surrounding you and that somehow you died during it and were born again afterwards. And if you think about how most people associate sex with darkness, the emergence of orgasmic light shines just that much brighter by contrast and it makes sex feels just that much more pleasant.

This is how fucked up, confusing, and contradicting sex is. You can be in a completely dark situation – making an amateur pornographic video in your basement with a prostitute that has AIDS behind your wife’s back. All of a sudden a light engulfs you when orgasm is achieved, which renders everything into a state of ecstasy and perfection. If only temporarily.

I keep talking about ‘mindfucks’, but I think the biggest mindfucks are orgasms (I think for most people, the only way they can experience the creative “flow state” is through sex and masturbation).

People like to separate the penis/vagina and the brain and look at them as opposites, but I’m starting erase that distinction both physically and phenomenologically. Orgasm is 99 percent mental. If you take away the imagination while rubbing one off, there is no way you can even climax. Speaking of the imagination, we all know that one of the main things that makes us human is the imagination. The book “Sex at Dawn” (which I highly recommend) goes even further and argues that what makes us unique is a very specific type of imagination – the pornographic imagination.

Human beings spend more time thinking about sex than any other animals. At first this might seem absurd. After all, you ‘fuck like an animal’, right? But the truth is, human beings are the only species of animals that have sex for fun (maybe dolphins as well). All of the other species have sex for reproductive reasons and they do it only during specific time periods when they can get pregnant. Human beings fuck all year round whether or not it will lead to reproductive and biological results. So when a person is having a lot of sex, in many ways he is actually more human than his more reserved counterparts!

So you could say that imagination was in part evolved to equip us with the unique ability to experience mind-blowing sex…and getting blown in the mind makes us even more imaginative, and so on – THIS ladies and gents, is what makes us human. (Another point to consider to further erase the brain-penis/mind-body dichotomy).

As a matter of fact, the physical act of having an orgasm is literally an explosion that goes on inside your head. fMRI scans indicates that your entire brain lights up, gets activated as blood rushes to your brain during orgasm, and it’s supposed to be a better “workout” than a crossword puzzle. Take that with a grain of salt, but the point is, your mind gets stimulated, fucked so hard that it gives birth to a new one (rebirth).

After you orgasm, you feel refreshed and at peace and a new state of mind is born.

I sworn by NOFAP for a while, but I think everything is about moderation, alteration, and deloading. I can feel creative and have new ideas after fapping just as much as during prolong periods of abstinent. The author Balzac did this too. He fapped like 1000 times during the course of writing a novel and would hold his dick on one hand and hold the pen in another and both would move furiously to the content of his mind.

I look at the process of cumming like the forming of scar tissues inside your body. When I think a lot and try to make mind gains, the imagination has to go all over the place to cover all kinds of thought spectrums. This includes darker and deeper areas where sexual thoughts reside. These thoughts accumulate like scar tissues in my brain, and they get stuck in my head and gets in the way of other ideas as time goes on. Like foam rolling or massaging your body, I must ejaculate these thoughts and transform that particular piece of my mind into the physical form of semen and letting it flow out of my body in a cleanse-like fashion.

I don’t know how many times I’ve starred at my own semen and think to myself “wow, that was my thought – a piece of my brain!” Needless to say, when girls swallow, they are actually eating a piece of your brain too, and that’s the most literal case of mindfuck there ever is and will be. I mean there are few things another person can do that is more accepting than swallowing a piece of somebody else’s thought. Not to mention those thoughts can be about other females LOL…I mean what guy hasn’t fantasized about other girls when they are getting some from their gf/wife?

If you have being following my logic so far, allow me to make one last point that could help you enhance orgasms through imagination.

I’ve been experimenting with imagining different things an formulating different mental pictures in my mind when during climax. My mind used to go blank when I orgasm, and I find it to be rather boring because every “blank” is indistinguishable from any other ones. The key here is to try to have an unique experience every time because no two experiences are the same. A lot of people think that orgasms are only in the feels. But for every type of feeling, there is an imaginative element coupled with it and vice versa. If you aren’t coupling the feelings of your orgasms with different mental images, then you are missing out.

I discovered this through cannabis .

Whenever I orgasm sober, I feel it in my dick more. But after I smoke, it feels like my brain is pulsating more and the orgasm is much more ‘in the mind’ and definitely feels better and sometimes it almost feels like a religious experience. I wonder if the latter feel is closer to how females experience orgasms. More mental and maybe even stronger and longer…definitely more abstract because theirs aren’t confined to materiality of semen, and thats why they can keep climaxing…from the void of infinite possibilities.

Some of my more memorable mental images during orgasms:

– I imagined myself as a unicyclist paddling on a lightwave at the speed of light. The more I climax, the higher I go and the faster my feet moves. I ascend all the way up to the ‘heavens’, and come back down to earth when the orgasm is over.

-Like Arnold who imagined his bicep as filling up the whole room during a curl, I imagined myself getting bigger and more muscular. My whole body goes through a instant bulk to infinite. Every muscle group blows up as fast as the big bang as my whole body and its musculature fills up the entire universe.

-My brain/penis is pulsating – with each contraction, a new brain/penis spits out from the old one, ad infinite. With each re-birth the brain/penis becomes smaller and smaller until it dissolved into nothingness.

What are some of your most imaginative thoughts you fap to?

ps. Sorry for the typo and grammar mistakes, I typed this on the train while being sandwiched by two old ladies with my iPhone 6.


People say our biggest fear is public speaking, but technically I think the biggest phobia human beings have is the “fear of other minds”. We are terrified of entering into or letting others enter our consciousness because each is equipped with its own reality with different set of beliefs and rules that might be very threatening to and different from our own. The more complex the consciousness, the scarier it seems to be (we are never self conscious in front of dogs or babies). But it’s also ironic that we are afraid of people with very aesthetic physical attributes, even though they might not be equipped with the most aesthetic minds.


Telekinesis. Telecommunication. A date where people don’t say a single word through out, instead we communicate through our phones – texting, taking pictures of each other and uploading them on Instagram, write on each other’s walls, etc is the future. 


Everyday that I wake up in the morning I experience a rush of euphoria of being in possession of the human brain. I jump out if bed as if I am about to test drive a high ended technology from an advanced alien civilization.


The Iphone6 is officially my first smart phone. Before this I refused to have Internet on my phone because I knew my mind wasn’t ready. After a year of meditation, I finally feel like I’m ready and it’s changing the way I think and live and create in a revolutionary, consciousness expanding, paradigm shifting kind of way. I feel like I was in a coma before this and when this phone switched on a part of my brain that I never knew existed woke up to a totally different dimension where I’m tripping on psychedelics 24 7. Even though using a smart phone can make you feel like you are trapped in your own world, I feel more connected to reality and people. I’m even giving out more love and compassion because the people inside your iPhone are just that much more aesthetic and they are all inside your head


#Steve #job said his goal was to put s ‘dent in the universe’. My ambition is not near as grand. I just want to put a dent in people’s minds. But if you are a Buddhist or a idealist, they are pretty much the same thing. I haven’t decided if they are yet.


This is my friend Lawrence’s son Leon@lawrence.dee When I’m around him my mind goes completely free. For instance, I was merely watching him sleep then this thought popped into my head like a flash of lightning: I cut his bladder open with my fingernails and urinated in there then I sewed it back up and he woke up and screamed “daddy daddy! I need to piss”! I would never think about doing this to an adult because his preconceived mental dispositions can really block my stream of consciousness. I think we should be around children more because they make you more creative. They are blank slates that are 100 percent receptive to you without judgements of consent. You can literally be yourself and splash your mind completely and violently onto their blank canvases. . Ps. I made a short film with him. check it out on my Vimeo account http://www.vimeo.com/digitalairairair

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A lengthy self analysis.

“I have spend most of my effort liberating myself from being an artist to being a human being”. – Takashi Murakmi.

I find it difficult to be both a human being and an effective artist. Sometimes it’s a give and take situations, a tug of war that can split your psyche. The I don’t give a fuck about the outside world I’m just gonna fuck with your head with what’s in mine and make and do what I please so I can be as expressive as I can’ attitude is often times the antithesis to the caring, thoughtful one of selfless compassion that makes up decency in a human being. While discussing the issue of “I”, my friend pointed out that it’s probably not possible to kill your ego and run a YouTube channel at the same time. Not like acting like a douche is an excuse for an artist, but I’m simply pointing to a condition that is often times true in and of itself.  A lot of artists just don’t have a state of mind to think about everyday objectives or have the right nerves to detect certain human emotions and needs.

I was reading Japanese author Haruki Murakami’s memoir which he mentioned that he had a personality that most people would dislike. He thinks the kind of human relationship he builds are abstract and conceptual – one that is between him and the faceless readers he writes to. He said it’s his duty as a writer to make these people happy and not to go out of his way to please the real, flesh and blood he encounters.

I too feel like there is a strong sense of relationship between me and my reader/viewer that often times takes over or overpowers the relationships I have with tangible people. Couple that with the fact that what I create are mostly the expression of certain (personal) impulses that can be disruptive in social situations. Most of my stuff is the kind that people watch alone in a dark room with their private thoughts and subconscious desires (rather than with friends or family or with the artist himself) The nature of both the content of my work and what it takes to create them makes it somewhat difficult for me to switch back and forth between normal, everyday mode of consciousness and various OTHER types beneath the surface.

Sometimes I get extremely confused around people that have only seen my videos but have just met me in real life and vice versa. Not to mention I employ different levels of my ‘selves’ in different videos. If you have only seen the 8000 calorie/miring gains videos you are going to act differently towards me than someone else who is more interested in my masturbating on the roof, Vimeo type videos. How should I act and think accordingly?  Who the fuck am I at any given moment?

(I was asked once how it effects my creative process and the type of videos I put out knowing that the people watching my videos are not physically present with me during the viewing process as opposed to someone who gives a concert or premieres a movie where there is a live audience to receive the work in real time and space. My answer was that it makes me more courageous to express my raw thoughts and emotions without filter and stick to subject matters that are more or less private.

This makes my creative process a lot more like a writer’s than anything else, which I find interesting. But the parallels end when you take into account the fact that you can’t make films or take photographs alone. You always have to work with other people to actualize your ideas, which makes the situation even more complicated when your ideas are entirely internal and subjected to your own source of desires that the people you work with might find disgusting and grotesque, yet nevertheless your viewers might enjoy or find inspiring precisely because they need such an impulsive release in their lives. Or worse, during the creating process your subconscious takes over and by acting according to instinct and intuition you piss off the people around you…yet it might be the only way you know how to bring your ideas to reality. Which side should you compensate? How do you find the balance?

I just want to throw this thought out there because it’s been on my mind. The struggle between being an artist and a real human being is a real one. Or perhaps it’s a necessary conflict and contradiction that sparks new ideas for any creative person. Perhaps it’s a route to insanity. But I think it’s both.

I posted this on Instagram and someone mentioned the “Hurt” video:

and asked me if it has something to do with what I’m talking about here.

My response:

The “Hurt” video expresses my struggle between the world of Vivian (which is also the world of my subconscious and my YT audience, where there is no judgement from the outside world so I can basically do whatever the fuck I want to do. And if you consider the fact that when I first met Vivian I only had 3000 subscribers. So we basically ‘built’ this world together from scratch. She was literally my mom in many cases, a base that forms around me so I can be as abstract as possible).   You can see that the video dances around the subject of the “Youtube Frank” and the “Real Frank”.

The 17 year old girl at the end of the video is the first glitch that penetrates that world, where for the first time I had a glimpse of the ‘real’ world.  She bridged the two worlds together since she also became a part of my audience, and now a part of my videos.   “Hurt” is my feel for the transition from one world to the next, and the people I encountered and had an effect on. I’m still in the process of that transition, which is made obvious by the in-between state of a lot of my recent videos and ideas which might seem blurry and confusing.   This is also why I am working so hard on getting shredded and hardening up my body so that I can feel more grounded.

There is also a 3rd world that both underlies and transcends the two worlds, which is the underground or netherworld of night clubs and one night stands.  The people in this world acknowledges neither of the two worlds on top. But one in a while I encounter people who are exceptions, such as when I talked to this girl outside of the club near Taipei 101 who had seen my videos and even mentioned Vivian and BBC in Chinese, which totally crushed my mind because different realities intercepted and created a black hole:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzL6XNz3dpo

Untitled 3

I find snap chat to be both primitive and future because it’s a form of communication above and below the threshold of language. @brokkie and I used to chat on FB the old fashion way: by exchanging words. After I got my smart phone she made me download snap chat and we no longer “talk”. But in many sense I feel even more jail baited than ever due to this raw, pre/sub verbal way of communicating People who send snaps are expressing a state of mind or an emotion or an atmosphere. And like raw emotions that can’t be captured, it’s fleets and can be felt only once. It is almost telepathic and what brain to brain interface might feel like #snap #chat #seventeen

snap


We are addicted to screens. My friend perry didn’t have a phone for the first week he was in Taiwan. I had my new iPhone and was looking at it 24 7 and I find him constantly staring over my shoulder. I told him to stop peaking at my private convo. he said he wasn’t, and that he just wanted to look at a screen. Even upon entering a new city like Bangkok (where this picture was taken) I find myself perceiving not the roads, the people, the shops, but I gravitates towards whatever screen I happen to come across while riding inside a taxi. I read a theory about us being attracted to screens because we are visual animals – that the pronounced movements, colors, and shapes inside screens are analogous to glittering snake skins and sprinting prey, and that we are evolved to gravitate intentionality towards these things. Maybe. Who knows. Maybe it’s true from a biological stand point. But phenomenologically, screens are not just the representation of the portal to another world, mind, time and space, but it is the representation of the virtual aka modern digital civilization. The closer you are to the heart of modernity (NYC for instance) the more screens you can bare witness. The further away (when you move towards the ghettos of NYC, African Safari) the less screens there are. It’s almost as if the ‘virtuals’ pile up on top of each other, becoming denser and more ‘real’ until eventually, with virtual reality becoming full blown, and we enter it completely. But keep in mind that the African Safari, (or anywhere else that’s perceived by anyone with or without an actual screen) nevertheless has a screen – the screen of the mind that gives rise to reality as perceived. In other words, the mind itself is a screen – the movie player inside your head that plays anything you imagine or sees is the most fundamental screen in your reality. We are now at a strange point in history where we are half way in between the real and the virtual. Once we enter virtual world completely there will be no need for screens. We will come full circle to singularity and be back at a primitive future where all is one screen.

screen

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This is interesting. Makes me reflects more clearly on my mental life. What is my relationship with the violin? I have been playing it since I was 5 years old, but it’s apparent that I am not going to become a professional musician. Why not? Because I am more interested in creativity and originality – making videos and images that are never before seen or felt. Playing the violin to my brain as an artist is like what squats are for a sprinter or parkour runner. A sprinter can be strong as fuck at the squat, and he might out sprint 99 percent of the population. But the squats is just a means to an end. Something that he does to train his body to be stronger. But he will never be a professional powerlifter or weightlifter (there are still people who are stronger). It’s also interesting that the commenter mentioned bodybuilding. To me, both the violin and bodybuilding has something in common – they serve as the base to free up my creativity. They are grounds that supports all the chaos that reigns up there…something stable that I can go back and ‘practice’ everyday. Creativity arises out of chaos, but there must be some type of fixed structure in an artist’s life that grounds and give rise to it. You can say that bodybuilding is at the very bottom of this hierarchical structure, violin is something at the middle, and the mindfuck videos are at the top.

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Taking a picture of our food and uploading it up to cyberspace as abstract information for our friends to admire is the same as (or is opposed to, which is basically the same thing) consuming it and breaking it down and shitting it out to the ground as discards of waste…I guess, in a way, we are trying to capture those fleeting moments – comparable to the digest process which guides the food through our tracts to our anus. People always take ‘normal’ pictures of food – ones you would find in a menu. Why not take it a step further, abstract another layer off of the abstraction and make it look like some pretentious, pseudo student artwork?

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*This isn’t some pseudo-philosophical bullshit. I’m just trying to share with you a way to look at everyday activities and to broaden your perception of those seemingly mundane actions. We should all look at things from a multi-dimensional and fresh perspectives. Apply it to you life in a way that it will help you grow and escape the rigid boxes inside your head that can bring new, more opened, more creative, more flexible ways of thinking.

Anyway, I noticed this morning how similar the strings of my violin are to electrical wires. I also realized that my fingers are like the birds that rest on those wires. From the observer’s perspective, it seems impossible that the birds can balance themselves with such ease without falling even while they are chirping. Like those birds, my fingers can be placed and can move so precisely on the strings in millimeter increments without missing notes.

Now that I think about it, how I warp my mind up to operate in another dimension of space time is more like how an ant moves around and perceives a wire. To the human eye, the wire is one dimensional – the only place for an ant to move, from the human perspective, is left and right. But from the ant’s perspective, it can move around the wire in a multi-directional manner. It is impossible for an ant to fall, just like how a creature in a 2-dimensional flat land can never jump up and leave the ground.

Analogously, to not miss a note on the violin, the mind cannot just operate on one dimension of the strings. The mind must zoom in deeper until the space-time fabric expands and the mind finds itself moving freely in another dimension where missing a note would be as absurd as jumping up and down on a flat/2-dimensional universe (if you are imaginative enough to make the full transformation).

This is why the best violinists can play so well in tune. It’s not just that their fingers are more efficient in a physical and mechanical matter…but that they are able to transform their minds completely. This however, is but one phenomenological transition. The transition from printed musical notes to fingerings to musical melodies to their emotional and intellectual representation of are all distinct layers of representation/plane of reality that have to occur and be dealt with simultaneously in parallel to each other if music is to occur. If you think about it, this is how everything in life works.

I think this whole post summarizes the way human thinking works. Analogy is at the base of all human thinking – to think of something as something else in a parallel fashion is the heart of understanding. Not just my first example about the literal analogy between string/wire and fingers/birds… But the deeper, more phenomenological ‘jump’ I take when I play the violin of transforming a thought to an entirely different dimension/mental universes (think of the relationship between words and things in the world they represent).

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Help guys, what’s dis mean?

This really, really obese kid from my high school who was racist as fuck and always made fun of me had became Michael Bay (while looking exactly like his old self back in high school). I went to his new action film screening where he shot, produced, edited, directed, written, and even drove all the stunt cars and was all the stuntmen simultaneously…

Even though I really liked the movie, I pretended to hate it anyway because everyone said it sucked just to conform, even though deep inside everyone knew that everyone else liked it a lot and just didn’t want to admit it.

After the screening the fat Michael Bay came out and with him was a stunning 10/10 black woman that looked exactly like Rihanna but was not Rihanna. He announced they had just met backstage and now engaged. I walked up to them and started talking to them about philosophy and kept repeating the phrase “due to our advanced technology, squat techniques from the deep web had significantly increased the ass-sphere of the planet by increasing the volume, intensity, and the color of the collective gluteus maxims” until she finally looked at me and said “get the fuck out of here” while waving her finger as fast as humanly possible.

After everyone left the after party I stayed behind and saw Bay’s wife sleeping while masturbating through her jeans while laying fully clothed on top of all the left over foods and drinks. When I walked closer to her to watch her more closely, her eyes started to squirt out water like laser gun. The closer I moved, the more water was squirting out but the more blinded she was and thus could not see me when I was literally in her face.

This was when I became 100 percent convinced that intention creates and distorts a observer-dependent reality.

ps. 1/2 dream, 1/2 made up while writing it up because I can’t remember.
Photo: Help guys, what’s dis mean?

This really, really obese kid from my high school who was racist as fuck and always made fun of me had became Michael Bay (while looking exactly like his old self back in high school). I went to his new action film screening where he shot, produced, edited, directed, written, and even drove all the stunt cars and was all the stuntmen simultaneously…

Even though I really liked the movie, I pretended to hate it anyway because everyone said it sucked just to conform, even though deep inside everyone knew that everyone else liked it a lot and just didn’t want to admit it.

After the screening the fat Michael Bay came out and with him was a stunning 10/10 black woman that looked exactly like Rihanna but was not Rihanna. He announced they had just met backstage and now engaged. I walked up to them and started talking to them about philosophy and kept repeating the phrase “due to our advanced technology, squat techniques from the deep web had significantly increased the ass-sphere of the planet by increasing the volume, intensity, and the color of the collective gluteus maxims” until she finally looked at me and said “get the fuck out of here” while waving her finger as fast as humanly possible.

After everyone left the after party I stayed behind and saw Bay’s wife sleeping while masturbating through her jeans while laying fully clothed on top of all the left over foods and drinks. When I walked closer to her to watch her more closely, her eyes started to squirt out water like laser gun. The closer I moved, the more water was squirting out but the more blinded she was and thus could not see me when I was literally in her face.

This was when I became 100 percent convinced that intention creates and distorts a observer-dependent reality.

ps. 1/2 dream, 1/2 made up while writing it up because I can’t remember.

 


 

I found a new way to motivate myself while doing cardio (Which is up to 5x a week); Watching “Keeping up with the Kardashians” .

The show was playing on the treadmill monitor this morning. Never before did I experience such multiplicity of emotions at once. I was envious, sexually aroused, jealous, happy, angry, sad, confused, contemplative, mindless…etc, all at once.

This drove me to run faster and longer than I had previously thought possible. It was like I was sprinting in place and my legs were cycling on top of a gigantic,11 dimensional ’sphere’ constructed from various substances such as flowers, clitoris, MDMA, brains, tiger skin, violin strings, BBCs, tears, tampons, clouds, various insects, and etc, which extends to reach th sky at the speed of light.

The more I run, the more I seem to be ’smoothening out’ the uneven surface of this sphere, making it smaller, more comprehensible and controllable both materially and conceptually. And when it finally shrunk, alongside my fat, down to the size of an atom and was imperceptible to my senses, I knew I’ve had a successful cardio session.

kim


I often feel like the world is divided into two halves – people who watch my video and people who don’t. The former is inside me, and the latter is outside.


Is the first thing you do in the morning, even before you brush your teeth, to go on the internet to check your FB/email?

I know it’s fun, like opening up a Christmas present every morning. If time allows it, I recommend you to hold that off for just a sec. Do something else you would normally do during the day anyway before you get sucked into the virtual world (or do something new entirely). It could be meditating for 20 minutes and, read/do cardio for half a hour. This makes going online so much more rewarding and a great way to start the day.


 

I have a fever. It’s the first time in 5 years that I’ve gotten sick.
When you are healthy, you take that state for granted. You really don’t know how good it feels to not be sick until you are sick. When you are sick, being healthy is the most euphoric state of being you can imagine. Advil, a seemingly insignificant pain and fever reducer that temporarily brings you back to normal state of health is suddenly more powerful than Molly or coke. Dat relative feels.


The reason why people should lift and build a nice physique is not that an aesthetic physique and muscles are end of all ends, but it is the perfect cherry to put on top of anything you do in life… In a way, having a nice physique is kind of like being high on cannabis – it makes everything you do in life just a little bit (or a lot) better, especially the small and mundane things like smoking a cigar, playing music, mowing the lawn, rolling a joint, walking your dog mindlessly, sitting on your desk at work, even sleeping and dreaming and talking on the phone with somebody you’ve never met.